I Fell in Love With a Dead Boy

“There, now tell me what’s wrong” I took the cup of coffee from Mike’s strong hands. I felt myself shaking as he sat down opposite me on his bus.
“Mike…I…I…”
He looked at me, eyebrows raised in concern, his blue eyes shining with a kindness that made me weep harder.
“Why…aren’t…you…at…the…hotel…with…the…others” I sobbed into my coffee.
“I forgot my cell, of all things, came back to get it, but never mind that. Fia what has just happened? What’s wrong?”
I sniffed, I so badly wanted to tell Mike, tell someone, but he would tell Billie and then…Oh God I couldn’t bear to think of the consequences.
Mike reached over and took hold of my hand, his thumb stroking the place just above my wrist.
I sobbed harder, “Mike I don’t deserve your kindness I…”
“Fia please, I hate seeing you like this kid. Just, try and tell me, what’s happened?”
Mike was unusually calm, the bassist was famous for his fiery temper but he seemed to be reigning in the urge to knock someone out. It made me feel so guilty.
“Mike…I…Can’t…Billie” my breath hitched between each word, my dark hair falling into the dampness of my cheeks.

Mike sighed, “Fia, I promise I won’t tell Billie anything if you don’t want me to.”
I sniffed and stared at him, his eyes shining truthfully, a small smile creeping across his face.
“Promise?”
“Promise” he nodded.
I inhaled, squeezing his hand and spilling to him the details of mine and Gerard’s relationship. He stayed calm until I had finished, before sighing and letting go of my hand.
“Fia…I…I don’t know what to say…except that it’s taking all I have to not go and kick the shit out of that little fucker.”
“Mike please don’t”
I watched Mike’s chest rise and fall, a small spark of a previous crush fizzled through my brain.
“Fia, but he, he can’t get away with this, he’s been a shit all through this tour. The poor little fucking suffering singer, balls to him…”
“Mike don’t…” I watched him wearily a she stood up and began pacing the floor, knuckles clenched.
“We need to tell Billie” Mike seethed sitting back down in his chair.
I stared at him, my eyeballs feeling like they would burst at any minute.
“We…I…I can’t. YOU CAN’T” I gasped, putting down the un-touched coffee with quivering hands.
“Fia, he can’t, he can’t NOT be told, I mean. You’re his niece, you…you’re…Jesus Fia your like a fuckin daughter to ALL of us. Fuckin Gerard, he, he can’t get away with this.”
I sat there staring at him, Mike failing to look me in the eye, his sharp words being addressed to the table beneath us.
“Mike…Mike it was me too, it takes two to…”

“Goddammit Fia!” He smacked the table hard and I jumped, staring at him now terrified beyond belief.
“I know! But I can’t get mad at you! I can’t yell at you Fia!”
We sat in silence not looking at each other and I felt more tears escape from my eye lids, rolling down my cheek, I felt ashamed, Mike was clearly disappointed in me and it hurt. Apart from Billie and Adi, I severely cared for Mike Dirnt and him looking at me like this was mentally agonising.

Mike looked up at me slowly, swallowing at my face; he scurried up and sat next to me, bringing me into a hug, wrapping himself around me tightly. I turned and sobbed into his t-shirt, he held me so snug that if I wasn’t in this state I surely would be struggling for breath.
“I’m sorry Fia, it’s just, I love you kid, I…I don’t want to see you hurt by some messed up loser. He’s not worth your tears Fia, he isn’t, I promise you that. If he can’t see what an amazing beautiful person you are then he can fucking rot.”
I sniffed as Mike pulled me up from his chest to face him. Cupping my wet and blotchy cheeks in his soft hands he thumbed the tears from my skin, smiling at me softly, his blue eyes showing something close to proud sorrow.
“You don’t know how beautiful you are you know”
I looked down at my thighs and grimaced in embarassment.
“No, Fia, listen, you really don’t. Gerard has problems he really does, that guy is a complete and utter prick.”
Hearing Mike say such deep words of comfort to me calmed my heart, my breathing began to steady and I collapsed my face into his palms, there was once a time when I would have given anything for the bassist to speak to me in such a way.
Mike removed his hands from my face slowly, his smile fading.
“Gerard spoke to Billie you know, Billie helped him out, listened to him whine on and on about un important shit and this is how he repays him. He breaks his niece’s heart.”

I cringed, “Mike don’t…he…he has problems.”
Mike snorted, “Problems? He needs to wake up to the real world then I’ll give him problems. So what? he has some responsibility? There are plenty of people out there who would love to be in his position; he treats his job like a burden rather than a blessing.”
I sniffed listening to Mike’s words.
“Okay so his girlfriend? And? Everyone has fuckin relationship problems you know? Everyone, just coz he has attached himself to some screwy chick it doesn’t mean he has to act like an utter twat. He needs to get the balls to get rid of her.”
I sighed, Mike made perfect sense, he always did, and I finally realised, Gerard only had one big problem, himself.

Mike brought me in for another hug again, “Come on, he’s definitely NOT worth tears, let alone YOUR tears. We better had get going before they lock us in the car parking lot. Sleep in my room tonight, I’ll take the couch.”
I smiled at him, standing up, “its okay Mike, thank you.”
“No, I insist, you can’t be on your own tonight.”
We headed out of the bus and across the car park, his arm still wrapped around my shoulder like I was some wounded war victim.
“The others will be wondering where we are.” He sighed
“Mike…you won’t tell anyone will you? Positively not tonight?”
“I won’t tell anyone Fia, I won’t tell Billie Joe or Adi…but, maybe you should.”

I went to bed early that night, Mike was right, I did feel safer with him sleeping on the other side of the door, but my stomach lurched because he was also right about me having to tell Billie…I couldn’t keep this from him forever.

“I thought you were spending the day with Gee?”
I winced across the table as Billie looked up from his cereal, mouth dripping with milk after asking me that God awful question. I glanced at Mike who was staring at me through the steam of his coffee, eyes burning through me, screaming “you have to tell him.”
“Well, I’ve changed my mind.” I replied dryly.
Billie shrugged and looked back down at his spoon; I felt my cheeks flush as Mike looked away from me and back down at the book he was reading.

“If you’re not busy then do ya want to go with me and Rigger Dan to Edinburgh Dungeon?” Tre giggled downing the remainder of his orange juice.
“I dunno…” I began, before being cut off by my uncle.
“You could come with me Fia, Frank and I are going shopping…” Billie grinned. I frowned at his gleaming eyes…
“I’ll end up carrying your bags and getting pissed off”
Tre chuckled as Billie’s grin widened.
“If you come Fia I’ll buy you some new gear”
I lifted my head up from my coffee; he was such a bribing bastard.
“What are we talking here?” I asked, curious about the amount of stuff I could probably get off him.
Tre sighed as Billie grinned widely at me, cheek full of weetabix,
“I’m talking two new outfits…including shoes.”
I raised my eyebrow ...that was indeed, tempting, new clothes would temporarily distract a broken heart for a while. I nodded quickly,
“Deal”
“You’re a bloody whipped ass bitch” Tre growled at me.
“A whipped ass bitch with two new outfits” I smiled exchanging a nod with Billie. Mike chuckled at us, “Like Uncle like niece, both can be persuaded to do anything by waving a free shopping trip in their face.”
“Coming Mike?” I asked sarcastically
“Piss off” he sighed, “Don’t you think I waste enough time traipsing after Brittany?”
Billie whinged, “Come on Mike I’ll get you some new shirts”
Mike shook his head, “It doesn’t work on me Bill, I have no vagina, plus I’d rather see Tre and Dan getting chucked out of the Edinburgh Dungeon.”
“Suit yourself” I grinned finishing the last dregs of my coffee.
“Yeah well you two need some uncle-niece bonding time anyway” Mike added sharply, his eyes fixing in me again in a parental glare.