I Fell in Love With a Dead Boy
The Coffee Machine
“So he’s awake then?”
“Yeah, he’s okay, the tosser. His mom went mad, I was terrified.”
I snorted at Frank down the phone on my break. Gerard had been in hospital for a week and he only woke up yesterday. I hadn’t been to see him yet, conveniently a shipment for Adeline was made late so I was sitting at my desk chatting away to Frank and eating a blueberry muffin.
“So yeah… are you going to see him tomorrow?”
“Yeah Saturday, day off…do you think he’ll want to see me?” I sighed.
Frank made an exasperated groan down the phone, “Obviously”
“Oh I’m sorry…” I said sarcastically, “Did you nearly get me killed by giving the letter to Billie to give to me?”
Frank went silent for a minute, “I said sorry about that Fia…”
I chuckled, “I’m winding you up fool.”
Frank sighed in relief, “Loser. Anyway, swing by the hospital about 2ish. He’ll be made up to see you.”
“Okay, thanks, bye Frank.”
“Bye Fia”
The phone went dead and I smiled, Frank had given Billie Joe the suicide letter not knowing of the consequences. He had apologised over and over again and even sent me a big bouquet of flowers to emphasise his sorry ness. I stroked the petal of yellow daffodil as I thought, Frank was such a sweetie, he really was. If only other people could be as gentlemanly as him.
I turned around to shove the wrapping from my muffin in the bin, when I came face to face with a familiar grin… Mike’s grin.
I clutched my chest in shock.
“What are you doing here?” I yelled.
“Sorry Fia.” He smirked, perching himself on the edge of my desk,
“I’ve got a meeting with Adi and Mark about the designs for my new shirt collection.”
I rolled my eyes, “Oh right.” I spat a little harshly, I was still annoyed with Mike, he had thoroughly confused me and my memory was a little dry from the night of the Grammy’s.
He shifted against the table, clearly uncomfortable,
“So how was New York then?” I asked
He raised a smile and stroked a hand through his blonde spikes, “Yeah it was great, Brittany dried up my credit card but yeah I had fun.”
Mike had been away the whole week with his fiancée; I couldn’t help but feel it was his way of letting things simmer before he came back.
“As usual” I smiled taking a sip from my coffee.
“Hows, er, Gerard?”
I avoided Mike’s gaze as I put my coffee down on my table, “He’s woken up, Frank just called to let me know. I think I’ll go down tomorrow and see him.”
“Oh right, I may come, you know, I want to see him too.” I flinched,
“Is that necessary?”
“What?” he asked slipping off his black military jacket to reveal his signature sleeveless white top, my eyes burned for just a few moments before he spoke again.
“It’s only polite to go.”
I frowned at him. “Yeah right.”
“Billie’s been to see him hasn't he? I’ll have to go to”
I flinched, he was right, he would have to go. Billie had conviently visited Gerard while he was comatose, Adi went with him, probably to stop him smothering the New Jersey singer wih a pillow. Maybe I could ask Billie to come with me, and then I would not be left with Gerard, Mike and myself. How fucking awkward.
I saw Mike staring at my coffee and I grinned,
“Want one?”
Mike smirked and tilted his head.
“Silly question” I sighed getting up and heading for the coffee room, or a spare closet that was converted into the coffee room as Adi was getting pissed with all the grubby cups left in the sink.
I turned on the machine and felt Mike brush past and stand behind me, watching.
“So where is everyone else?”
“Adi let them go home, it’s just me, her, Mark and Sam”
Mike sniggered, “You have to stay?”
“As always” I sighed turning to face him.
“I’ve been meaning to apologise to you Fia” Mike smiled, looking down at his feet. I folded my arms, listening in fascination.
“I mean…I told Billie about you and Gerard, I…I…said some things that maybe I shouldn’t have said whilst drunk and…”
“Billie was bound to find out anyway” I sighed, unfolding my arms and interrupting him.
Mike smiled unsurely at me, “I know…I guess, well”
Mike went white, he was definitely struggling,
“I dunno…nothing…I was drunk.”
Glint in the eyes. Mike lie.
“No go on Mike what?”
He stood up from the wall and brushed a hand through his hair again,
“Okay, okay…well…I know that you think of me as a father figure…but recently…well, these past few months…I…”
“What Mike fucking hell?” I began to get angry, not putting two and two together at all.
“I…I’ve noticed well…couldn’t help but notice that you have grown into such a beautiful woman and…I know it’s wrong, God is so perverted and wrong but…”
My heart stopped. Was Mike saying this?
I blinked, this couldn’t be happening, this was just a crazy dream wasn’t it?
“What are you saying?” I gabbled.
Mike walked closer towards me and I found myself backed up against the wall. The bassist just inches away from my face.
“Have a guess Fia” he whispered, leaning in. Yes, leaning in, Mike Dirnt, MIKE DIRNT was leaning in for a kiss…with me.
My eyelashes fluttered as his face drew closer to mine. I could feel his hot breath panging against my open mouth…his hands reached my neck, skilled fingers tracing down to my collarbone…oh god he smelled so good…
I felt his soft lips come into contact with my own just for a second, before I suddenly pictured Gerard, Gerard lying in that bed, Gerard writing that letter...
“NO!”
Mike jumped back, doubt and fear clouded his face.
“Gerard Mike, I…I love Gerard after everything that’s happened, I can’t I…”
Mike looked around like he had come too from a trance,
“Shit” he gasped, “Fia I’m so sorry…Oh god what was I thinking? Brittany…Oh Jesus Bill? Bill will kill me you…you can’t say anything…”
I smiled at him, “As if I would, we would both be murdered.”
Mike grinned, “Sorry Fia. That was weird wasn’t it? I’m so sorry, I think, I think that…well its’ because you also so unavailable to me.”
The coffee machine beeped and I turned to pass the cup to him.
“Thanks” he smiled, looking thoroughly ashamed.
“I can’t believe I…I’m sorry” he whispered.
“Come on” I sighed leading him out into the office again, desperate to get out of the coffee room before I slammed Mike against the wall myself.
Mike chuckled, “I’m sorry…I…I don’t know what to say.”
“Don’t say anything, nothing happened” I shrugged, also chuckling.
“It was quite funny though” he grinned, that’s right Mike turn it into a joke otherwise I think we would both be crying at teh tormented broken tension.
“Yeah it was, you big pervert, you babysat me while I was three.”
Mike chuckled, “I know, imagine Bill’s face though…”
I burst out laughing, “I think he’d die, all the stuff that’s happened this month…that would finally finish him off.”
Mike sipped from his coffee, eyes shining in amusement and...was that regret?
“Guys? Were have you been? The meeting is starting…” Adi trotted out from her office, scanning through various papers in her hand.
“Oh, fucking coffee, why am I not surprised?” she chuckled turning on her heel for us to follow.
Mike and I shared a glance.
I couldn’t believe that had just happened. It was so random and bizarre. I didn’t hate it, but what surprised me most was that I didn’t let it happen…I refused to kiss him. A couple of years ago and I would have given a leg to be in that situation…
Maybe it just shows me how much I loved Gerard…or how much emotions crossed from loving someone and being in love. Mike was right, maybe it was because we were both so unattainable to each other. There was a boundary and we nearly stepped over it. God though, Mike was so incredibly hot, the man oozed sex from every pore. How could I prevent this from happening again?
I had to see Gerard...I had to see him tomorrow...
“Yeah, he’s okay, the tosser. His mom went mad, I was terrified.”
I snorted at Frank down the phone on my break. Gerard had been in hospital for a week and he only woke up yesterday. I hadn’t been to see him yet, conveniently a shipment for Adeline was made late so I was sitting at my desk chatting away to Frank and eating a blueberry muffin.
“So yeah… are you going to see him tomorrow?”
“Yeah Saturday, day off…do you think he’ll want to see me?” I sighed.
Frank made an exasperated groan down the phone, “Obviously”
“Oh I’m sorry…” I said sarcastically, “Did you nearly get me killed by giving the letter to Billie to give to me?”
Frank went silent for a minute, “I said sorry about that Fia…”
I chuckled, “I’m winding you up fool.”
Frank sighed in relief, “Loser. Anyway, swing by the hospital about 2ish. He’ll be made up to see you.”
“Okay, thanks, bye Frank.”
“Bye Fia”
The phone went dead and I smiled, Frank had given Billie Joe the suicide letter not knowing of the consequences. He had apologised over and over again and even sent me a big bouquet of flowers to emphasise his sorry ness. I stroked the petal of yellow daffodil as I thought, Frank was such a sweetie, he really was. If only other people could be as gentlemanly as him.
I turned around to shove the wrapping from my muffin in the bin, when I came face to face with a familiar grin… Mike’s grin.
I clutched my chest in shock.
“What are you doing here?” I yelled.
“Sorry Fia.” He smirked, perching himself on the edge of my desk,
“I’ve got a meeting with Adi and Mark about the designs for my new shirt collection.”
I rolled my eyes, “Oh right.” I spat a little harshly, I was still annoyed with Mike, he had thoroughly confused me and my memory was a little dry from the night of the Grammy’s.
He shifted against the table, clearly uncomfortable,
“So how was New York then?” I asked
He raised a smile and stroked a hand through his blonde spikes, “Yeah it was great, Brittany dried up my credit card but yeah I had fun.”
Mike had been away the whole week with his fiancée; I couldn’t help but feel it was his way of letting things simmer before he came back.
“As usual” I smiled taking a sip from my coffee.
“Hows, er, Gerard?”
I avoided Mike’s gaze as I put my coffee down on my table, “He’s woken up, Frank just called to let me know. I think I’ll go down tomorrow and see him.”
“Oh right, I may come, you know, I want to see him too.” I flinched,
“Is that necessary?”
“What?” he asked slipping off his black military jacket to reveal his signature sleeveless white top, my eyes burned for just a few moments before he spoke again.
“It’s only polite to go.”
I frowned at him. “Yeah right.”
“Billie’s been to see him hasn't he? I’ll have to go to”
I flinched, he was right, he would have to go. Billie had conviently visited Gerard while he was comatose, Adi went with him, probably to stop him smothering the New Jersey singer wih a pillow. Maybe I could ask Billie to come with me, and then I would not be left with Gerard, Mike and myself. How fucking awkward.
I saw Mike staring at my coffee and I grinned,
“Want one?”
Mike smirked and tilted his head.
“Silly question” I sighed getting up and heading for the coffee room, or a spare closet that was converted into the coffee room as Adi was getting pissed with all the grubby cups left in the sink.
I turned on the machine and felt Mike brush past and stand behind me, watching.
“So where is everyone else?”
“Adi let them go home, it’s just me, her, Mark and Sam”
Mike sniggered, “You have to stay?”
“As always” I sighed turning to face him.
“I’ve been meaning to apologise to you Fia” Mike smiled, looking down at his feet. I folded my arms, listening in fascination.
“I mean…I told Billie about you and Gerard, I…I…said some things that maybe I shouldn’t have said whilst drunk and…”
“Billie was bound to find out anyway” I sighed, unfolding my arms and interrupting him.
Mike smiled unsurely at me, “I know…I guess, well”
Mike went white, he was definitely struggling,
“I dunno…nothing…I was drunk.”
Glint in the eyes. Mike lie.
“No go on Mike what?”
He stood up from the wall and brushed a hand through his hair again,
“Okay, okay…well…I know that you think of me as a father figure…but recently…well, these past few months…I…”
“What Mike fucking hell?” I began to get angry, not putting two and two together at all.
“I…I’ve noticed well…couldn’t help but notice that you have grown into such a beautiful woman and…I know it’s wrong, God is so perverted and wrong but…”
My heart stopped. Was Mike saying this?
I blinked, this couldn’t be happening, this was just a crazy dream wasn’t it?
“What are you saying?” I gabbled.
Mike walked closer towards me and I found myself backed up against the wall. The bassist just inches away from my face.
“Have a guess Fia” he whispered, leaning in. Yes, leaning in, Mike Dirnt, MIKE DIRNT was leaning in for a kiss…with me.
My eyelashes fluttered as his face drew closer to mine. I could feel his hot breath panging against my open mouth…his hands reached my neck, skilled fingers tracing down to my collarbone…oh god he smelled so good…
I felt his soft lips come into contact with my own just for a second, before I suddenly pictured Gerard, Gerard lying in that bed, Gerard writing that letter...
“NO!”
Mike jumped back, doubt and fear clouded his face.
“Gerard Mike, I…I love Gerard after everything that’s happened, I can’t I…”
Mike looked around like he had come too from a trance,
“Shit” he gasped, “Fia I’m so sorry…Oh god what was I thinking? Brittany…Oh Jesus Bill? Bill will kill me you…you can’t say anything…”
I smiled at him, “As if I would, we would both be murdered.”
Mike grinned, “Sorry Fia. That was weird wasn’t it? I’m so sorry, I think, I think that…well its’ because you also so unavailable to me.”
The coffee machine beeped and I turned to pass the cup to him.
“Thanks” he smiled, looking thoroughly ashamed.
“I can’t believe I…I’m sorry” he whispered.
“Come on” I sighed leading him out into the office again, desperate to get out of the coffee room before I slammed Mike against the wall myself.
Mike chuckled, “I’m sorry…I…I don’t know what to say.”
“Don’t say anything, nothing happened” I shrugged, also chuckling.
“It was quite funny though” he grinned, that’s right Mike turn it into a joke otherwise I think we would both be crying at teh tormented broken tension.
“Yeah it was, you big pervert, you babysat me while I was three.”
Mike chuckled, “I know, imagine Bill’s face though…”
I burst out laughing, “I think he’d die, all the stuff that’s happened this month…that would finally finish him off.”
Mike sipped from his coffee, eyes shining in amusement and...was that regret?
“Guys? Were have you been? The meeting is starting…” Adi trotted out from her office, scanning through various papers in her hand.
“Oh, fucking coffee, why am I not surprised?” she chuckled turning on her heel for us to follow.
Mike and I shared a glance.
I couldn’t believe that had just happened. It was so random and bizarre. I didn’t hate it, but what surprised me most was that I didn’t let it happen…I refused to kiss him. A couple of years ago and I would have given a leg to be in that situation…
Maybe it just shows me how much I loved Gerard…or how much emotions crossed from loving someone and being in love. Mike was right, maybe it was because we were both so unattainable to each other. There was a boundary and we nearly stepped over it. God though, Mike was so incredibly hot, the man oozed sex from every pore. How could I prevent this from happening again?
I had to see Gerard...I had to see him tomorrow...