Whispers in the Dark

I’ve never been one to sit in silence. It’s when it’s silent that I hear them . They’re quiet for the most part but as soon as it’s silent or I’m alone they taunt me. They tease me with their cruel words and remind of how useless my existence is. They make me feel utterly worthless. They tell me truths I’d rather not know. It’s because of them I hate the silence.

“Hey Gerard, you okay?” Mikey, my caring brother, my saviour, the one who’ll always love me. He scares away the voices and when I’m around him there’s nothing to fear.
“Yeah, ‘course I am Mikes,” I force a smile and I know he can see right through it, but he doesn’t ask questions. That’s one of the many reasons I love Mikey, he knows I have problems but he never pries. He just accepts me for who I am, even with all my faults. I don’t know what I’ll do without him when I go off to college next year. I’ll miss my dorky little brother.



It’s late and Mikey is long gone, he’s got a date with his girlfriend. Alicia I think her name is, but I can’t be sure. All Mikey ever does is talk about her but I’m not too good with names. She sounds nice though, just what my brother needs. My CD finishes playing in the little stereo that rests in the corner of my room, and as silence descends upon me I begin to panic. I can feel the voices hear them creeping up on me.
Gerard has no friends.
No one wants to spend Saturday night with the loser art kid, not even nerdy Mikey.
C’mon faggot just do it already! You know where the pills are. Just down them now and die.
No one wants you here.
Just give up before you fuck up everything.
Gerard is a loser.
They scared me and I curled up into a protective ball on my bed holding my knees tightly against my heaving chest, my heart pounding so loud I could hear it over my thoughts. It is times like these, when I was alone with my thoughts in the dead of night, that I began to believe them. Believe that maybe I am the failure they tell me I am.

With tears beginning to creep out the corners of my eyes I let my lids slide shut. Silent sobs racked my lifeless body. Why wouldn’t they just leave me alone? Why were all my thoughts so negative? Why did they make me so self-destructive? My hand dropped to my bare stomach beneath the blankets and I felt the scars that littered from there all the way down to my thighs. They were slightly raised and I knew that if I were to look at them in the daylight they would be even paler than my already ghostly skin. But then again, I rarely look at my body. They would have a field day if I did. My eyes stayed scrunched up and I willed for sleep to take me, at least then my thoughts would be silent.