As the Leaves Change in Color

I stared at Frank with a look on my face that said "what the hell, man?" I mean, geez! You lean in to kiss a guy, and they pull a way and start talking about gay sheep. Should I feel a little rejected by that? I'm thinking yes...

The look on my face must've shown how hurt that made me feel, and one look at it made him blush. So, what do you do when you get rejected to talk about sheep? I got up and left the room, crying just a little. Yup, that's me for ya. Gerard Way, tough as nails, boys.

I went into the room and plopped on the bed, crying. Gosh, you'd think I cried enough already. I mean, I finally thought I was over Bert. I finally thought I had gotten someone who really cared. But he just chickens out on me? Maybe he doesn't really care....

Just then, as I was sobbing quietly into a pillow, I heard him come in and sit on the bed next to me. I childishly hid my head even further in the pillow, and said "get out". I don't think he understood me, though. I couldn't really understand myself. He started rubbing my back, and I tried to shy away. Of course, it didn't work.

"Gerard? I'm sorry. I'm just so... nervous. You know? I really like you. A lot. I really, really do. But I was thinking too much, and I got scared, and started getting paranoid, and thought you didn't care..."

I sat up and looked at him. Was he being honest with me? Did he really like me? And then, I saw the tears in his eyes. There was no doubt in my mind that he was being honest, now.

I kind of sat in his lap and gave him a hug. I don't know why. It just felt like the right thing to do. I felt his arms tighten around me, and I felt so safe, so happy.... And then, suddenly, we were both crying. I don't know why. I guess we were both letting out all those pent-up emotions. I was crying for Bert, him for Mikey... We were crying for each other, and all the pain we've been through, all the pain we put others through.

After we were through crying, I looked at his face, and gave him a sad smile. "So, Frankie... how does this whole gay sheep thing work out?"

He looked at me and blushed, then smiled.

"Well, I got bored one day, so I started looking up things about sheep. I still don't know why I chose sheep. But turns out, 8% of male sheep actually choose to court with other male sheep. I just thought it was funny."

"So you rejected my kiss so you could inform me?" He sighed, and looked at me. I don't know what that look was in his eyes. Pain? Regret, maybe?

"I'm sorry. I was nervous, remember?"

I smiled, and pressed my lips against his. It was a nice, soft kiss. Kind of like the last one, but without the whole element-of-surprise thing going for it. But, unlike the last one, when I pulled away, he brought his lips back to mine.

And so, the element of surprise was back. He was coming back for more? What the heck? I didn't know what to do. This was so wrong. So, so wrong. But it felt so... right, ya know?

My arms tightened around him, and I kissed him again. And again. And again.... O God, this felt so good....

As I parted my lips for another kiss, I felt his tongue run across my lower lip. I swear, I'll have to pay for this later.... But right now, I don't care. This is the greatest I've felt in a long time. I'm... happy....

I couldn't help but pull his hair a little. I was sooo caught up in the moment.... He moaned a little, and I smiled against his lips. This is gonna fuck with my mind later, I know it. To be honest, I don't care.

This lasted for what seemed like forever, but at the same time, not long enough. I hadn't really realized it, but while we were making out (that just sounds so weird!) I had somehow managed to get on top of him. After noticing the position we were in, I blushed a little, but didn't get up. I wanted to live in this moment as long as possible. So I laid my head down on his chest and just relaxed.

His heart was beating super fast, which kind of confused me. Was he still nervous about that? I mean, the kiss is over. So what is it...?

O. It's probably because I'm still on top of him. I didn't really wanna get up, but I decided I probably should, so I did. I looked at him, and he was blushing. He's so cute when he blushes....

And now, it's time to snap back to reality. Yea, it'd just be too easy for me to stay happy for too long, huh?

I started feeling sooo guilty about what just happened. Sure, I'm not gonna lie to myself. I enjoyed every second of it, and I knew I would feel like this. I didn't care at the time. But it's easy to think something like that when you're on cloud nine. I wonder what Bert would say... or Mikey....

And then, a whole new fear hit me. Am I betraying my baby brother? He was the only person, (other than Bert), who could ever make me feel happy. What will he do when he finds out that I just made out with his ex?

"Gerard?" Frankie barely whispered. I looked over at him, urging him to go on. "That was the wrong thing to do, wasn't it?"

To be honest, I'm not really sure. Wouldn't Bert and Mikey be glad that we were able to move on? Isn't it a good thing I found a new lover? Why do I still feel like a jerk? This feels so wrong, but strangely right.

"I don't know, Frank," I answered honestly. "But I don't think we should worry about it. It didn't feel exactly wrong, and I rather enjoy this. It's just... I don't know." He nodded, and I assumed he got what I was saying.

"Let's just... I mean, can we try this out? What's the worst that could happen? I mean, we really like each other.... Shouldn't we give this a shot?"

O my God, did he just ask me to be his boyfriend? This is great! Maybe now I'll be able to put those broken memories behind me! I can start all over. Today is the first day of the rest of my life, and I'm going to spend it with Frankie.

I smiled at him, and nodded. "Yea, you're right. ....So does that mean we're officially a... couple now?"