What If The Only Way Out Is To Die?

Feeling bored, I look around the shop. I can’t find anything I would like and so I decide to leave the shop and wait for Cin somewhere outside. I see a bench nearby and sit down. My phone won’t let me be in peace for long and sighing, I dig it out of my pocket. I’m surprised, seeing my brother’s name on the screen. It’s weird he calls me now when he’s not supposed to come home until next week.

“Hi Sam,” I quickly answer the phone.

“Where are you?” No hello or how are you? Not good.

“I’m at the mall with Cindy. Why?” I question uneasily.

“You need to come home. We need to talk,” he says seriously. The tone of his voice gives me chills. I can feel something’s very wrong.

“What’s happened?” I ask quietly, almost not wanting to hear the answer.

“Just come home and we’ll talk,” Sam sighs and ends the call. Fighting with my uneasy feelings, I somehow manage to get my phone back to my pocket. I can’t but remember his call three months back, when he told me to come home just like now. It happened on the same night our parents died in a plane accident. God, I hope something bad hasn’t happened again. Not able to stand this anymore, I get up to go search for my friend. Luckily I see her emerging from the store before I can even take a step.

“Alyssa, what’s wrong?” she grabs my hand, instantly sensing my mood.

“I don’t know. Sam called and asked me to go home,” I say to her, my voice shaking. She remembers that call too and knows exactly why I am so scared.

“Come on then. We can leave the rest of the shopping to tomorrow,” she says, dragging me towards the parking lot. Right now I’m thankful that Cin has a car and that we don’t have to waste time on walking. With shaky hands, I send a message to Jared, saying that Sam’s home and I can’t see him today.

“I can come with you if you want,” Cindy offers, stopping in front of my home, looking at me, worried.

“I’ll better go alone. I’ll call you later.” I get out and run to the front door. I’ll take stair steps two at a time and reach my door in record time. My heart beats like a mad, and it’s not from running. Taking a deep breath, I enter our apartment. In the hall I can see an unfamiliar pair of women’s shoes, right next to my brother’s boots. I’m not wasting time on taking off my sneakers. For some reason, I can feel the hair on my neck stand up when I walk towards the living room. Seeing a woman sitting on the couch doesn’t surprise me but the serious look on Sam’s face nails me to the doorway.

“Lyssa!” Sam sees me and stands up. In a moment, he’s in front of me and I find myself inside his bear hug. He’s pretty buff, as a result of serving in the Navy. There’s not much to do on a ship, so any free time my brother has, he spends it working out. I love his big hugs but somehow this one seems different than usual and that bad hunch inside me only grows.

“Sit down,” he guides me to the recliner and without objecting, I let myself be gently pushed down. Looking at that woman, sitting on our couch, I realize that she looks vaguely familiar. She’s in her forties and has short, light brown hair. But I can’t remember where I’ve seen her.

“Alyssa, I’m not sure if you remember, but this is our aunt, Esther,” Sam introduces, standing next to me. Looking at the woman again, I faintly remember that she was on our parents’ funeral. But I was so upset back then that I barely realized what was going on around me.

“Hello, Alyssa. How have you been?” Esther asks politely, looking at me somewhat weird.

“Fine, I guess. What’s this all about?” I turn to my brother. These weird emotions are creeping me out. That morose look on Sam’s face is not helping either.

“Okay. I know you won’t like this but we have no other choice,” he says, sitting down at last, next to Esther.

“I don’t like what? Just tell me already,” I’m losing it, giving my brother a demanding look. He shifts his eyes to his arms, propped up on his knees. I feel like pulling my hair out, this silence is just too much.

“Alyssa dear, you are coming to live with me. It’s impossible for you to stay here alone,” aunt Esther says at last, breaking the silence finally. Frightened by what I heard, I look at this woman who is practically nothing more than a stranger to me. Seriousness on her face tells me she’s not lying.

“Why?” I demand from my brother, looking straight at his slate gray eyes.

“Because you’re barely seventeen, you’re underage. And because of my job, I’m almost never home, I can’t be your guardian,” Sam explains sadly, looking back at his hands again.

“What the fuck? You’re telling me that I should move to Thompster and live with people that are practically strangers to me?” I yell, standing up and flailing my hands in the air. I habit of mine when I’m nervous, angry or just too emotional.

“I’m sorry,” I hear my brother’s whisper.

“You can’t do this to me,” I shake my head, casting an unbelievable look at Sam.

“I can’t do anything against it either,” he says, still avoiding my gaze. I can’t believe it, how com my life gets only worse? First of this hell I went through three years ago, then the fight for Jared and loosing my parents, both at the same time and now, now I have to move to some stupid little town to live with an aunt I’ve seen only two times in last ten years.

“No. I’m not going. You can’t make me,” I’m angry now. In eight months I’m going to be eighteen, I am almost grown up. I know how to take care of myself. I can’t leave Cindy, I can’t leave everything that is safe and familiar to me.

“Alyssa, stop this nonsense. We don’t have any other choice,” Sam stands up, not able to hide his feelings any more. I just shake my head, determined look on my face.

“In that case, the child service finds you some foster parents and you have no say to where and to whom you will be sent. At least now you can go with Esther, to somewhere you have lived as a child. You know the town and you won’t be alone, you have relatives who care about you. It’s better than total strangers.” He’s irritated now, almost shouting at me.

“What about school? You expect me to drop out? Only a month before year end?” I need every reason to stay here.

“I signed you up to Sunny Beach High School. It’s best in our town and it’s close to home,” my aunt announces, calm as that freaking Hindu cow in the middle of a street. They are both against me. How can’t they understand that I’m emotionally not capable for a change like that? Not after what I’ve been through in last years.

“No fucking way. You can’t make me,” I yell at my brother, not even trying to hide the hate that I feel right now.

“At the moment I still am responsible for you, so I can!” Sam loses his patience and yells back at me. He has never raised his voice at me and now he scares the hell out of me. I can’t hold back my tears anymore as I run out of the door.