What If The Only Way Out Is To Die?
How Could You Just Throw Away All We Had Again?
I feel myself so betrayed as I run towards Cindy’s house. I’m confused and scared, and I don’t know where else to go. Tears in my eyes make me almost blind but I don’t care about the people I bump into, I just keep on running. Finally I’m at her doorstep, banging my fists demandingly against the dark hardwood door.
“Sheesh, where’s the fire?” Cindy opens the door wide open, annoyed look on her face. It changes as soon as she sees what condition I’m in. Without a word, she grabs my hand and pulls me toward her room.
“Mom, can you please make us that calming tea you have?” she shouts at her mom while passing the living room, not stopping for a second. In her room, she pushes me to the bed and hugs me close, waiting ‘til I’m ready to speak.
Half an hour, two cups of tea, a half pack of Kleenex and countless hugs later we sit on the floor with our backs against the bed.
“My life can’t get any more worse. It’s just not possible,” I mutter sadly and toss my last crumpled tissue to the pile that’s already in front of me.
“Maybe that’s not so bad as you think. Maybe it will do you good to get away from here for a while. I mean, you have so many bad memories here. Besides, you’re gonna be eighteen in less than a year and then you can come back,” Cin’s telling me quietly. I can see that she’s not happy about it but she knows me better than anyone. And thinking about it I have to admit that she might even be right. Maybe I do need a break from all these depressing memories. Although, it really doesn’t matter, I don’t have a choice anyway. It’s easier if I just accept it and get it over with.
“I can’t survive without you,” I state, feeling like crying again.
“Like I wouldn’t know that. But luckily some very talented guys came up with a thing called MSN. And don’t forget mobile phones. Some frigging six hundred miles can’t keep us apart,” she comforts me, hugging me once again.
“You promise?” I ask childishly. I can’t even imagine how much I will miss her.
“Do I even have to? You silly girl,” Cindy laughs, finally letting go of me.
“Oh God, I have to tell Jared,” I suddenly remember, placing my hand to my throbbing forehead. This will not going to be easy. He will be more against me moving away than I am.
“I’ll come with you,” Cin stands up and holds out her hand for me. We walk to the hall in silence and I notice that I still have my sneakers on, I didn’t remember to take them off when I came here. I frown at myself, for being so careless and wait ‘til Cindy puts her shoes on and takes her jacket. After that we go out and to the car. Driving through the city I look at the streets with a new perspective. I know it will be a long time before I can come back. I’m gonna miss this city.
Standing behind Jared’s door I feel how scared I am for this conversation. I can hear loud music through the door and it feels somewhat weird. I’ve never seen Jared listening to loud music.
Seeing me hesitating, Cindy knocks loudly at the door. Seconds go by but no one comes to answer. Cindy’s patience runs out and she pounds the door with her fist, making considerably much more noise. And it helps, because soon we can hear how the door is being unlocked.
Against my expectations, there’s an unfamiliar blond girl, standing at the door. She’s not saying anything, just stares at us arrogantly. I look at Cin, a question visible in my eyes, then turn my suspicious gaze back to that girl. Cindy grabs my hand and aggressively pushes past the girl, pulling me with her.
In the hall my whole body freezes up when I smell the specific odor of marijuana. Cindy, not sensing the change in me, pulls me further inside, going straight to living room which is filled with heavy smoke and loud music. I really don’t like what I see.
Jared sits on the couch, his head leaned back and eyes closed. There are two guys next to him, one with a half naked girl on his lap. On the recliner next to the couch is another half naked couple, shamelessly making out. But the worst thing lays on the coffee table, a plastic bag with a white powder in it.
The girl who opened the door finally caches up with us, screeching at us with a horribly preppy voice. Everyone still conscious enough raise their heads at this noise, finally noticing us. Frightened of seeing me, Jared quickly jumps up from the couch.
“Alyssa! What are you doing here?” he exclaims, walking to us. I can’t but shake my head at him. I don’t wanna believe at what I’m seeing.
“Baby, don’t be mad at me. I promise it won’t happen again,” he apologizes, the instant he reaches me. His eyes are red and dilated. There’s no doubt that he’s high.
“How could you?” I demand quietly.
“I don’t know. I’m weak when you’re not here with me,” Jared says with a sad look on his face.
“You promised me that you won’t touch that shit anymore. You promised. How could you just throw away all we had? Again?” I won’t hold my feelings back anymore. Just when I thought that my life can’t get worse. I guess the Murphy’s Law really is true; everything goes wrong all at once. After all emotions I’ve gone through today, I’m surprised I haven’t gone mental already. At least now I’m really at the rock bottom, there’s not much left that could hurt me any more. It can only get better now. I sure do hope so.
“I love you honey, I’ll do anything you want. Please don’t yell at me. It’s the last time, I swear,” Jared keeps promising. Just like the last time, a few months back. But I can’t believe him, not again. This was the last time he chose narcotics instead of me.
“Alyssa, baby, say something to me,” he begs when I’m still not saying anything. And again, I just shake my head, unable to get the words out. I push his hands away and walk out of the door. Right now I like the idea of moving more with every second. Except for Cindy, this town has nothing to keep me here anymore.
“Sheesh, where’s the fire?” Cindy opens the door wide open, annoyed look on her face. It changes as soon as she sees what condition I’m in. Without a word, she grabs my hand and pulls me toward her room.
“Mom, can you please make us that calming tea you have?” she shouts at her mom while passing the living room, not stopping for a second. In her room, she pushes me to the bed and hugs me close, waiting ‘til I’m ready to speak.
Half an hour, two cups of tea, a half pack of Kleenex and countless hugs later we sit on the floor with our backs against the bed.
“My life can’t get any more worse. It’s just not possible,” I mutter sadly and toss my last crumpled tissue to the pile that’s already in front of me.
“Maybe that’s not so bad as you think. Maybe it will do you good to get away from here for a while. I mean, you have so many bad memories here. Besides, you’re gonna be eighteen in less than a year and then you can come back,” Cin’s telling me quietly. I can see that she’s not happy about it but she knows me better than anyone. And thinking about it I have to admit that she might even be right. Maybe I do need a break from all these depressing memories. Although, it really doesn’t matter, I don’t have a choice anyway. It’s easier if I just accept it and get it over with.
“I can’t survive without you,” I state, feeling like crying again.
“Like I wouldn’t know that. But luckily some very talented guys came up with a thing called MSN. And don’t forget mobile phones. Some frigging six hundred miles can’t keep us apart,” she comforts me, hugging me once again.
“You promise?” I ask childishly. I can’t even imagine how much I will miss her.
“Do I even have to? You silly girl,” Cindy laughs, finally letting go of me.
“Oh God, I have to tell Jared,” I suddenly remember, placing my hand to my throbbing forehead. This will not going to be easy. He will be more against me moving away than I am.
“I’ll come with you,” Cin stands up and holds out her hand for me. We walk to the hall in silence and I notice that I still have my sneakers on, I didn’t remember to take them off when I came here. I frown at myself, for being so careless and wait ‘til Cindy puts her shoes on and takes her jacket. After that we go out and to the car. Driving through the city I look at the streets with a new perspective. I know it will be a long time before I can come back. I’m gonna miss this city.
Standing behind Jared’s door I feel how scared I am for this conversation. I can hear loud music through the door and it feels somewhat weird. I’ve never seen Jared listening to loud music.
Seeing me hesitating, Cindy knocks loudly at the door. Seconds go by but no one comes to answer. Cindy’s patience runs out and she pounds the door with her fist, making considerably much more noise. And it helps, because soon we can hear how the door is being unlocked.
Against my expectations, there’s an unfamiliar blond girl, standing at the door. She’s not saying anything, just stares at us arrogantly. I look at Cin, a question visible in my eyes, then turn my suspicious gaze back to that girl. Cindy grabs my hand and aggressively pushes past the girl, pulling me with her.
In the hall my whole body freezes up when I smell the specific odor of marijuana. Cindy, not sensing the change in me, pulls me further inside, going straight to living room which is filled with heavy smoke and loud music. I really don’t like what I see.
Jared sits on the couch, his head leaned back and eyes closed. There are two guys next to him, one with a half naked girl on his lap. On the recliner next to the couch is another half naked couple, shamelessly making out. But the worst thing lays on the coffee table, a plastic bag with a white powder in it.
The girl who opened the door finally caches up with us, screeching at us with a horribly preppy voice. Everyone still conscious enough raise their heads at this noise, finally noticing us. Frightened of seeing me, Jared quickly jumps up from the couch.
“Alyssa! What are you doing here?” he exclaims, walking to us. I can’t but shake my head at him. I don’t wanna believe at what I’m seeing.
“Baby, don’t be mad at me. I promise it won’t happen again,” he apologizes, the instant he reaches me. His eyes are red and dilated. There’s no doubt that he’s high.
“How could you?” I demand quietly.
“I don’t know. I’m weak when you’re not here with me,” Jared says with a sad look on his face.
“You promised me that you won’t touch that shit anymore. You promised. How could you just throw away all we had? Again?” I won’t hold my feelings back anymore. Just when I thought that my life can’t get worse. I guess the Murphy’s Law really is true; everything goes wrong all at once. After all emotions I’ve gone through today, I’m surprised I haven’t gone mental already. At least now I’m really at the rock bottom, there’s not much left that could hurt me any more. It can only get better now. I sure do hope so.
“I love you honey, I’ll do anything you want. Please don’t yell at me. It’s the last time, I swear,” Jared keeps promising. Just like the last time, a few months back. But I can’t believe him, not again. This was the last time he chose narcotics instead of me.
“Alyssa, baby, say something to me,” he begs when I’m still not saying anything. And again, I just shake my head, unable to get the words out. I push his hands away and walk out of the door. Right now I like the idea of moving more with every second. Except for Cindy, this town has nothing to keep me here anymore.