Golden Because We're Alive

I stared at Adam. He got up and started walking towards me. I met him in the middle of the yard. This wasn’t what I wanted. My boyfriend looked down at me. His face was blank. I had no read on his emotions. I felt as though I was going to cry.

“Em, did you kiss him?” asked Adam.

Did I lie to him? He deserved to know that I had, but I could fabricate something more about it. It wouldn’t really hurt any.

“Yes, Adam. I did, but it was like a kiss in a play. I didn’t mean or feel anything with it. He asked for one, so I figured that there was no harm,” I said.

Adam pulled me into a hug. I kissed another guy in front of him, and now after my life, nothing was wrong. He rested his chin on top of my head and sighed. With the way he was holding me, I could feel his heart beating and his breathing. I wondered why he was doing this.

“Em, I love you. You know that, right?” he said after a long silence. His voice vibrated in his chest making me feel more like I belonged in his embrace. “I forgive you. Please just don’t do it again.”

“I won’t. How was lunch with Tony and Rach?” I asked to change the subject.

“Eh, we went to the Pub. As soon as we were done, I left them there and came back here for you,” he told me. “I bet you lunch was more exciting. Let’s sit, and you can tell me about it.”

We walked hand in hand up to the porch of my house. We sat down on the porch swing. I had my legs out across his lap and sighed. This was a great day now that any drama had been avoided. Adam started drumming out a random beat on my leg. I grinned at the moment we were sharing.

“We went to an Italian place downtown. We talked about Timothy some and about school and hockey,” I said.

“That’s nice,” he replied.

Adam nodded and tilted his head back. It occurred to me that this was a bit too easy. This should be him mad at me. I could feel the worry gnawing at me now. I didn’t trust the way this was going to go. It dawned on me that Adam was normally more jealous than this. As he started to rub my legs, I frowned.

-x-

My parents didn’t mind me switching seats with Adam’s sister to join him and his parents. It happened often enough for them to be almost used to it. I was glad the switch was still made, but it was still bothering me that he hadn’t been mad. Was I losing him? I felt like it.

First intermission started, and Adam’s parents got up leaving us alone. He put his arm around me and grinned. Something in his smile wasn’t right. The feeling in my gut was getting worse. There was something wrong with me. I shouldn’t have been questioning him. I needed to get over this.

“Adam! Baby,” yelled a female voice. I looked in the direction of the voice and felt my heart drop. She was pretty, and she was staring straight at us.

My boyfriend withdrew his arm from around me. A look of shock settled on his face as a look of hurt settled on mine.

The girl walked up to our row and made her way to the seats we were sitting in. Adam stood up to hug her, and she kissed him. He let go of her and turned to look at me. The boy opened his mouth, but it was her voice I heard.

“You must be Jessi,” she said extending her hand to me. There was no way she really thought I was his sister. I almost wished that it was Jessi who was sitting here instead of me though.

“Um, no. I’m Emily, his girlfriend,” I told her. My cheeks reddened as I spoke. This was the last thing that I had really expected from that evening.

The smile the girl had worn slowly faded away. Adam looked down at the ice to avoid looking at either of us. The girl, whose name still hadn’t been shared with me, started to glare at me. That was definitely not something I had wanted to happen. She really had no reason to be mad at me out of the three of us.

“He told me he had no girlfriend,” said the girl.

“Obviously he does. Now, would you care to tell me who you are?” I asked. Even as I tried to keep my voice even and emotionless, I could hear the anger seeping through.

“I’m his real girlfriend, Maria,” said the girl. It was all I could do to keep from slapping her. The fact that she felt the need to emphasize the word “real” was infuriating.

My hands balled up, and Adam grabbed my wrist. He obviously didn’t think that I could keep from hitting the girl. This was not exactly what I thought my bad feelings would lead to. I couldn’t even tell if I was more mad at her and Adam or hurt that I had been cheated on.

“Em, babe, I’m so sor-“ started Adam.

“Don’t you dare apologize. Fuck it, Adam. I’m going to switch seats with Jessi. Just have a nice life,” I said cutting him off. “I hope you die a painful, syphilis-related death.”

He let go of me, and I pushed past them both. Maria let out a little laugh as I left. Working my way back to my family’s seats, I started to lose the battle I was fighting with my tears. They started to fall, and I took notice of some people looking at me with sympathy on their faces.

Jessie moved as soon as she saw me. The girl gave me a quick hug, and I wondered if she knew why I was upset. My parents didn’t ask me about anything, and as the game progressed, I sunk further and further into being more hurt than angry.

-x-

Days passed, and most of my friends had tried to make me feel better. Nothing they did worked for me. The hockey boys told me they’d give Adam a harder time in practice; the girls told me they’d spread nasty rumors about a girl who didn’t even attend our school. The hurt just wouldn’t go away even with those offers.

That night, Rachel sat on my bed listening to music and painting my nails. She was the only one who let me cry or talk about it without any ideas for revenge. The change was welcome. My best friend really was the only one who would let me try and get over it without “helping” in her own special way.

“Em, can I use your phone? Mine just died, and I wanted to tell Tony something,” she said as she finished her work on my toes.

I shrugged and tossed her my phone. She sent a text then gave it back to me. The girl pulled her phone out and put it on the charger. She began texting once more on her phone, and I sighed wishing that I had someone to talk to. Adam was out of the question, and the last time I had spoken to Tyler or any other guys had been a few days ago.

I mouthed the words along with the music as my friend texted. She had stopped for a while, but her conversation had resumed. It was a little distressing to still be alone while she was there. Then I heard a knock at my door.

“Emily, you have a visitor,” called my dad. My eyebrow rose.

“Let her in?” I called back.

The door opened, and my dad started to walk away as an unlikely guest entered my room. He leaned in the doorway and smiled at me.

“I’m pretty sure I’m not a ‘her,’” laughed Tyler.

Rachel winked at me and went back to her conversation. I wondered what she had to do with it. She didn’t have Tyler’s number, but I guessed she had texted it to herself when she used my phone. I guess she didn’t really need my phone to text Tony after all.

“I guess you’re right,” I laughed back.

He took a seat on my bed and looked around. Rachel left the room signaling that she was leaving by slamming the door to my bathroom behind her. Tyler’s eyes landed on a framed picture on my nightstand. He grinned as he turned his eyes to meet mine.

“Rachel told me what happened. That’s why I came over,” he admitted.

“I had to use that picture to replace one of him and me,” I sighed.

Tyler reached across me and grabbed the frame. I could tell he didn’t mind. It seemed completely okay to him that I had a picture of him and I to replace one of my ex-boyfriend and me. There was really no other picture that I had wanted to use.

“You and I should get a new picture to replace this one. It looks terrible. I mean, I look like a mess,” joked Tyler. “You look great though.”

“I think you have us switched.”

I finally didn’t feel terrible. He just waltzed into my room and made everything better. Luck seemed to be smiling on me now. At least, it felt like it was.