What Makes It Wrong for Us to Fall in Love?

Kennedy backed away from me.

"Kennedy," I dropped the knife. "Kennedy, I'm sorry."

"Jess," Kennedy put his hand on his cheek where I cut him.

"Kennedy, I'm so sorry."

"No." Kennedy wiped the blood off his cheek with his palm and carelessly wiped it on his suit. "That was good. That was good. You didn't hurt yourself." He said, proud of me for a moment.

"But I hurt you--" I walked close to him and tried to touch his wound, but he immediately slapped my hand away. "I'm sorry."

"No. Don't be sorry. It's okay." He went to the sink and quickly splashed water onto his face then wiped it up with his sleeve. "It's okay."

"Kennedy,"

"Seriously," Kennedy looked at me; Dead in the eye, he got to me. "It's okay."

That moment I slapped myself back to reality was the moment I realized I was doing shit.

I almost killed myself.

And I almost killed Kennedy.

Was Stephen really worth all that?

"Seriously. It's okay. It's okay that you did that." He pulled me into a hug. "It's okay."

"Kennedy,"

"Shh, it's okay. If it's what you really want, if it's what you need, I'll get you out of here."

--

"Jawn is so gonna kill me when he realizes you went off with me,"

"I don't care, I hate him." I replied.

"Don't hate him for this though," Kennedy tilted his head at me.

"I just can't help it." I stared at the ice cream cone I held in my hand and licked from it.

"Babe," Kennedy took the ice cream and took his turn licking it. "I seriously think this isn't a good idea,"

"What isn't a good idea?" I asked and took my turn again.

"This, letting me take you away--"

"But it was my idea."

"You know your ideas suck most of the time."

"Why do you think this is such a bad idea? I think it's a good one, considering I'm away from those fucking bastards who've hurt me so fucking much--"

"I've hurt you--"

"You don't count anymore, I'm used to having you hurt me." I rested my head on his shoulder.

"I still think this is a bad idea."

"What's so bad about hanging out in a park and sharing ice cream," I casually took my turn again.

"Well," He took the ice cream. "Nothing. Unless it used to be something we used to do all the time in highschool."

"I didn't know you were so sentimental,"

"I'm not." He shrugged and licked from the ice cream again. "I only am when it comes to you."

"You know, I missed this. Hanging out with you, and just.. Talking. I missed this a lot."

"Me too,"

"I missed sharing ice cream with you." I laughed and took it from him. "You'd always put some on my face and lick it off."

"I only did that eight times, don't exaggerate."

"I loved it when you did that." I admitted.

"Yeah?" He took it back and smeared some on my face.

"Yeah."

So he leaned in and licked it off.

It was completely natural.

He was about to pull back when I draped an arm over the back of his neck.

And frankly, he didn't object. For a moment, at least.

There was something about being with him that left me no choice but to stop crying.

It was just different with him, okay?

So I stopped crying when he got ice cream.

We hopped in his car and drove off, not even actually taking time to explain where Kennedy was taking me.

None of them knew we left.

Maybe they found out later, but we were already gone, so, they couldn't do anything about it.

We knew we were gonna have to explain sometime soon, but that time, we didn't care.

Kennedy cared. But his mindset was, "Fuck you all, Jess needs me." And he prioritized me.

God, I love him.

We ended up in the park where we always used to hang out when I wasn't with Stephen. We'd hang out there all the time and we'd share an ice cream cone. It was fun.

Except that most of the times, we ended up misunderstanding each other and then we fight. It was funny now that I think of it.

"Uhm," Kennedy pulled away from me before we even kissed. He took his phone out of his pocket. It probably vibrated or something.

Cock block.

"It's.. Uhm.. Pat." Kennedy said. "I should take this."

"Yeah," I took my arm off him and pulled back.

"Hey Pat." Kennedy greeted.

I listened to the one-sided conversation.

"Yeah. We're at a park.. Yeah. You don't have to worry. Yeah. I know, I know. I'm sorry." He sighed and looked at me. "He wants to talk to you, is that okay?"

"Yeah, whatever." I took the phone. "Hey,"

"Jess,"

"Yeah, that's my name."

"I'm really not sure what happened.. Garrett and John are trying to talk to Stephen. He's breaking down. We don't know what to do."

"Why are you telling me this," I muttered.

"Don't you care?"

"No." I simply answered.

"Jess, come on."

"What? He wanted me out of his life, I gave him what he wanted." I scoffed. "What did you call Kennedy for?"

"I was wondering why you guys left. You have no idea how much work was put into your party thing. Then I find out you left with Kennedy? Jess, come on."

"How many times are you guys gonna lecture me about how hard you all worked for this shit? It didn't play out as well as you guys wanted it to be, and it never will. Staying wouldn't have made any difference."

"But Jess,"

"But what, Pat?! Did you see the knife in the kitchen?! Did you fucking see it?! I almost killed myself, I almost killed Kennedy! If you were there, I could've killed you too! I just fucking calmed down and you just fucking have to remind me of how stupid I was to think things between me and Stephen were gonna work out--"

"Stop, your words are hurting me." Pat quietly said on the other line.

"P.." I sighed. "Pat, I'm sorry."

"Your sorry doesn't count anymore." Pat's voice quivered. "Jess.. I don't wanna give up on you, Jess,"

"Give up on me, you'll just end up hurting yourself. I swear. I'm sorry, Pat. I'm sorry. Tell the guys I'm sorry. Tell everyone that they should give up on me. I've already given up on myself."

"You're seriously saying that shit over the phone?"

"Pat, you're on loud speaker, aren't you," I groaned after hearing Jawn's voice.

"Yeah, he's on fucking loudspeaker, how else would I have heard the mumbo jumbo bullshit you're talking on the phone,"

"Jawn, I'm sorry."

"No, doll! Fuck you! Fuck you! You insensitive little bitch!"

"Jawn, I'm sorry."

"Doll, I worked so fucking hard to get this together! As if it wasn't hard enough to watch you every night cry when I wasn't out on tour! As if it wasn't hard enough to know that I left a crying girl back home every night when I was on tour! Doll, you're such a skank! All I've been doing was try to make you happy and you do this!"

"Jawn, you don't understand,"

"I'm trying! I'm trying to understand! I I've done nothing but try to understand you, doll, you fucking know that! Doll, I know you're hurting! I fucking know! That's why I even tried to pull you and Stephen's shit together! I wanted you guys to--"

"Make up? Get shit together? You think I didn't want that either, Jawn? Well, I did. And you did. But you know what fucked everything up? The fact that he didn't. You don't matter, and what you try to do at this point won't matter either. We quit. We're done. We give up."

"You can't fucking give up, are you deranged?!"

"Jawn, please,"

"Doll, you're so fucking insensitive! You even fucking yelled at Pat! Fucking Pat, doll!"

"I know, I'm a skanky ass bitch. I get it. How many times do you have to say it for you to get off my case? Is your making me feel like shit making you feel any better? Good. Feel better. Stop thinking about me."

"Doll, I can't! I fucking love you, I care about you--"

"And I love you, and I care about you. Too. But you have to stop caring about me. You have to stop thinking about me. You're only hurting yourself. All of you."

Jawn stopped speaking.

And I was glad he did.

Hearing him yell at me was unnecessarily hurting me a fucking lot, and I couldn't understand why it hurt so much, but it did and I didn't want to go on with him.

"Jess,"

"Jared,"

"Jess,"

"Jared, I'm sorry."

"Josh's crying. Brian left. Garrett's trying to get to Stephen with John, Pat's upset. We're all hurt here.. And I'm the only one who's got the guts to admit that."

"Congratulations, Jared. I love you, man."

"Jawn, where are you going--"

"Don't worry, I'm not gonna fucking kill myself. I just need to be alone."

"I am so sorry." I sighed.

"Jess.. Just.. Take care of yourself. We love you." Jared said before the receiver shut.

I wiped up tears as I handed Kennedy his phone back, but he wasn't paying attention.

He finished the ice cream while I was on the phone.

Seriously, Kennedy?

"I'm sorry you had to go through that, and I'm sorry I ate our ice cream myself." He said, serious during the first words, then he joked.

"Yeah, me too." I rolled my eyes.

"What do you wanna do now?"

"I don't know."

"Babe, don't worry." Kennedy leaned over and pecked at my cheek, then he wiped up more of my tears with his tie like he did earlier that evening.

He acted like I did nothing wrong to him.

He acted like cutting him completely didn't matter to him.

He acted like hurting him wasn't a fucking thing to him.

"Babe," He smiled at me weakly. "You'll be okay."