What Makes It Wrong for Us to Fall in Love?

"I don't know. I don't know, okay, but I am not leaving Jess. She fucking needs me. Or something, I don't know, I am not leaving her. I don't care how long it takes. I'm never leaving her."

"Why?! Fucking why--"

"Because I promised her--"

"So you're gonna blow our band shit to--"

"Yes, Jawn, I'm gonna fucking blow our band shit to fucking stay with her if that's what it fucking takes! You wanna know why?! Because I was sincere when I made my promise, and I didn't make the same cheap promises you made!"

Thump.

"You know what, I'm not even gonna fight back."

Silence.

"What? So you punch me in the face and stop? Jawn, what the fuck?'

"Kennedy--"

"No. Get out."

"I just want this shit cleared--"

"Fine! What do you want to fucking say?!"

"That you suck." Jawn immaturely cried. "That you fucking suck, Kennedy, you know how hard we worked to pull that party off and you just take her away--"

"Should've known you were gonna say pointless shit."

"Pointless? Kennedy, you asked me what I wanted to say and I said it."

"You said that I suck! I don't even suck as hard as you do, Jawn, at least I didn't use my best friend as some poor excuse to get to my best friend's ex--"

"What?! This isn't about that! And you know that that isn't what happened, you fucking know,"

"I don't know anything, remember? You said it yourself last night."

Another thump.

"Go the fuck ahead, I am not gonna fight back. You say you want this shit cleared?! Well, it won't fucking happen with you punching me in the face! Calm the fuck down, Jawn!"

"So does this mean we're pulling out from the next tour?"

"I don't know what you want. Whether you go without me or you don't go at all, I don't care. You call the shots, Jawn, you make the fucking decisions. Go downstairs. We'll talk when you cool your fucking head off."

Kennedy opened the door and walked back into his room.

I rolled off Kennedy's bed and started my way to the door to meet him.

"Did you hear that? Sorry." Kennedy shrugged.

"Your cut's bleeding again.." I touched his cut which made him cringe. "I told you you should've put a Band-Aid on it." I scolded.

"It's fine." He let out a little laugh.

"What's this I hear about you pulling out of tour though?"

"Ah," He started walking to his bathroom. "It's nothing,"

I followed him.

He bent over the sink and turned the faucet on. "Nothing's final yet."

"What are you planning," I asked.

He started washing his wound through, there was blood washing off onto the drain. "Nothing's final yet," He repeated without answering my question.

"Wait." I frowned. "I know what's going on. You're planning on not going on tour to stay with me." There was nothing to it, anyone with ears and common sense who were in my shoes would've figured that out. And I was right.

"Bingo." He left the faucet open and grabbed a towel off the rack.

I turned the faucet off for him while he dabbed his face dry.

"Don't." I whined. "You can't do that."

"Jess,"

"Seriously, Kennedy. You don't have to."

"Jess,"

"Seriously, you can't choose me over music."

"Why not?" Kennedy squinted at me. "Why the fuck not?"

"Because."

"Because. is not an answer, Jess."

I sighed. I just knew whatever that was was going to turn into a fight sooner or later, so I had to make a decision. I didn't wanna hear anything more from him that time.

I didn't want him choosing me over music, over his career, over his best friends.

I let out another sigh. "I'll go get you a Band-Aid from the medicine cabinet downstairs,"

"Okay," He easily let me go.

Yup, he knew it was going to turn into a fight too.

Neither of us wanted that.

So I started my way down the stairs.

Then I see him. The one and only John Cornelius O'Callaghan V.

If looks could kill..

I tried to ignore, but he was glaring at me all the way. I went to the bathroom and took out a tube of antibiotic and a couple of pieces of Band-Aid from the medicine cabinet and I walked out.

"Aw, doll, did we wake you up with the yelling," Jawn pouted sarcastically.

"Yeah. Uhm. It's okay. Shit happens, what can we do?"

"Yeah, I know, right? Shit fucking happens, and when someone works hard to have something work, it doesn't help when the other side doesn't fucking participate."

"Wow, so this is still about last night. When will you get over that?"

"When will I get over that? When? Wrong question, doll!"

"Don't yell at me."

"And why not?" He sarcastically asked. He was full of sarcasm that morning. Noon. Afternoon. I don't know, I wasn't aware of the time.

"`Cause then you'd be hurting me. You don't wanna hurt me, do you?"

"Biiiitch," He looked away from me.

"Okay. Whatever. Let's pretend we don't care about each other right now, it might work."

"That won't work." He scoffed.

"How do you know what'll work and what won't when you couldn't even get last night under control--"

"No, shut up."

"You couldn't even get last night,"

"No, shut up."

"Under fucking control,"

"Shut the fuck up, doll, fucking shut up!"

I didn't even realize he got off the couch and fucking slapped me. Guess he didn't like being reminded of the plans he'd made that failed.

Well, it was definitely new.

Inflicting pain on one another. We were really breaking that in.

"Yeah, okay. It was nice talking to you too." I said, desperately trying to make my voice hide the fact that I was, indeed, very hurt with what just did. I started turning around when he grabbed my wrist.

"Wait. Wait, I'm sorry--"

John O'Callaghan, you bipolar little bitch.

"I'm sor--"

"What are you sorry for this time, Jawn?! And I want a fucking decent answer! Are you sorry for slapping me? Or simply yelling at me? Or simply not trying to understand how hurt I am about this entire situation--"

"Everything." He cut me off. "I'm sorry for everything."

"Okay, then I guess that's it. We're done here."

"Fucking hell, I don't know how much longer I can be patient with your skanky little attitude,"

"Then don't be patient with me! Fuck you, Jawn, I never asked you to be patient with me! It was your fucking choice! You know what else was your choice?! You could've fucking chosen to give up on me, and you could've fucking chosen not to let me let you in. But you didn't do anything about it and now look at what happened to you! To us!"

"Well, if you just fucking fixed your attitude, we wouldn't even be in this mess! If you just fucking learned to control your fucking emotions, then maybe none of us would've gotten hurt! You have no fucking idea what happened last night when we found out you left! You think what Jared said was the whole story?! Fuck no, doll! You wanna know what happened?!"

"No,"

"Hah, I'll tell you anyway! Here's what happened, you bitch, here's what you did! Let's recap! Let's go backwards and start with Pat. When you yelled at him over the fucking phone! Doll, he was fucking hurt! You were one of the people he loved the most, and you should know that with Pat, that's a lot to fucking say! He told me you meant a lot to him because you were the first person who didn't look at him like he was a fucking dumbass, you were the first person who didn't treat him like he was some lost little kid! You were the first person he's ever trusted who trusted him. He was thinking you'd already know how fucking sensitive he is, and you fucking yelled at him when all he wanted was to know why you left! Because next to me, he was the person that worked the hardest to put that whole party together, doll!

"Then let's go to Josh. I was never tight with him, but I knew you two had plenty of history regarding your friendship. Doll, oh my God, when we found out you left, he fucking burst into tears, okay, and as for the most of us, it was the first time we've ever seen him crying, and it was horrible. It hurt all of us to see him like that! God, he broke down! You know what he did? He drank the fucking night away! He drowned in his tears that night, doll, and right now, he's still at Stephen's, drunk, having the worst hangover ever!

"Brian? Well, he fucking left the moment we concluded that you were gone. He didn't say anything, but we knew he was hurt. Jared told me that all Brian could talk about before we got there was how excited he was to fucking see you again, how much he was looking forward to doing band shit with you again, and then you fucking leave!

"How John coped? Well, he got together with Garrett and tried to get to Stephen! But he was crying the entire fucking time! He didn't want to break down, and Garrett tried not to add to the pressure John was under! John was under the most pressure okay, not to mention he was the youngest in there! He was so fucking clueless, all he wanted to do was get to his older brother after you fucking broke his heart! John was crying, doll, another first time for us to see!

"Garrett wanted to get the hell out of there. Do you know how hard it was for him to try to adjust to how quick things were happening in there?! Do you fucking know that?! He almost passed out because Stephen and John kept yelling at each other and he just wanted to help make things right! He almost passed out because he was confused as fuck! He was in the backyard the entire time, he gave up on the decorations. He was in the backyard, and he had no idea what happened. He just came back and found everyone losing fucking control, and then John just begged him to help him get to Stephen, and fuck, you have no idea how much pressure he was under either!

"And he just got more upset when he found out what you fucking did to Pat. You wanna know what happened to Jared? Fuck, I need to thank that boy. He was the most calm among all of us. But he was hurt as fuck too, doll! Jared practically kicked Halvo and Nick out the house before they saw us at our worsts, and it fucking hurt him to see us hurting like that. Jared tried to calm everyone down but we all just fucking turned him down because of our fucking emotions, do you fucking get what you did?!

"You didn't just hurt Stephen, doll, you didn't just hurt me. You hurt every single one of us!"

By then, I already had tears streaming down my face, and my hand really was turning pale because of Jawn's grip. His grip tightened by the second, and his nails were already digging into my skin.

But that wasn't what was painful.

What was painful was knowing that I hurt the only people who were stupid enough to give a damn about this fuck-up everyone likes to call Jess Bowen. What was painful was knowing that I let people who found a real friend in me down. What was painful was knowing that I wasn't the only one hurt. What was painful was knowing that I was a complete mess, knowing that I dragged people I cared about into the mess I never even thought I was going to get in to.

"Jawn, I'm.. I'm sorry."

"Sorry?!"

"Jawn, I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? That's it?"

"I'm sorry,"

"You're sorry? Well, what a fucking coincidence, so am I!"

"I'm sorry,"

"Sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry! Can't you say anything else? Can't you say any fucking thing else?!"