What Makes It Wrong for Us to Fall in Love?

"Hey, hey," Kennedy rushed down the stairs. "What's going on," He freed my wrist from Jawn's hand and pushed him away.

But I kept crying. "Jawn, I'm sorry,"

"No, doll,"

"I'm sorry,"

"Yeah? Tell me, why are you sorry?"

"I didn't mean to hurt you--"

"Bullshit!" He yelled. "Bull fucking shit! You're a fucking prick, do you know that?! Don't you fucking remember what you told me, what you fucking rubbed in my face all the fucking time before? You fucking said it never matters whether or not you mean to hurt someone, if you do, what's the fucking point?!"

"I'm sorry,"

"How does it fucking feel to have your own words against you? Tell me, doll, how does it fucking feel?!"

"I don't know, it hurts," I cried. "Jawn, I am so sorry,"

"You can shove that sorry up your ass, I ain't fucking taking it."

"Jawn,"

"By the way, my mom did all your laundry." Jawn walked picked up a duffel bag he set on the coffee table and threw it in front of my feet.

We all stood there quietly until Jawn angrily spoke up again. "You know what?! You're both probably confused as hell right now. You don't know why I'm so upset about this? You don't know why I'm so fucking hurt? Fine, let me clear it up for you!

"I am so fucking upset because I just wanted last night to play out. If not for you, doll, if it didn't work for you, I just fucking wish it worked even for me. I was so fucking excited, thinking that I was finally gonna get my best friend back because I missed him like fuck, because all I tried to think about was some girl who my heart couldn't help but tell me to take care of.

"I miss you, Kennedy, this is why I am so fucking upset, that is why I am so fucking hurt. I was just.. God, I was expecting that last night would've played out well, and we would've made up, and then Jess and Stephen would finally be out of my hair. I I thought that after last night, I would've fucking been able to have my best friend again.

"You mean the fucking world to me, Kennedy, when I'm with you, I don't feel the need to look for any fucking thing else, I know, it's weird. I love you. A fucking lot, and it's weird, but you're the best friend I've ever had, okay? That's why I never even actually took a girl seriously. I didn't need it, having one was just a complete waste of my fucking time, and not to mention I get unnecessary pain. I never fucking wanted a girl, and frankly, oddly, apparently, I didn't think it was gonna take just a fucking girl to get in between us. But I guess I was completely wrong. I was way off, because the entire reason we're fighting right now is because of a fucking girl.

"But you know what? If this is what you want--"

"Jawn, I'm sorry,"

"No, doll! Shut up! Fuck you and your fucking apologies!"

"Jawn,"

"And fuck you, Kennedy, fuck you and this fucking friendship that just doesn't make sense anymore. Fuck everything! You're sick of me letting you down?! Fine! I am so fucking sorry if you feel like I let you down all the fucking time, Kennedy, I am so fucking sorry. But I never mean to let you down, you've got no idea how all I ever really want's to make you happy, because you're my best friend. I am so fucking sorry, Kennedy, I couldn't be there for you when you needed me, I am so sorry I let a girl get in between us. But it's fucking fine, you're tired? I'm tired too.

"I wish I never even started caring for Jess. I only started caring for because I was trying to have your back, I am so sorry I fell in love with her. I am so fucking sorry I slept with her. I regret so many fucking things, I am so fucking sorry for everything, but whatever. I am not even making sense. I am so fucking pissed right now, I am so fucking peeved, because after everything I have done for the both of you, I still ended up hurt and fucking sorry.

"Damn you, doll, fucking damn you. I cannot believe I let you do this to me." He turned to Kennedy. "You too, Kennedy, fucking damn you. I'll see you two in hell. This is hurting me so much, but I have to do this." Jawn tore a silver bracelet off his wrist, one of many other shit on his wrist.

I stared at it.

He narrowed his eyebrows at me angrily. "What? Dudes aren't allowed to have friendship bracelets too?" He managed to joke as he wiped his tears off using his forearm. "Fuck this friendship, Kennedy, fuck you, fuck Jess, I am not going to put up with this anymore." Then he threw the bracelet at Kennedy.

"Jawn, wait," Kennedy and I tried to verbally stop him.

But, of course, words weren't enough to even make him think twice about staying.

He stormed out.

In fucking rage and tears.

I never thought I'd see him like that, and I never thought that kind of shit would've happened because of me.

I ruined a fucking friendship the two of them most probably worked hard on to let grow and flourish. Some shit, I don't know. Their friendship was fucking beautiful, especially after Jawn explained why he was single (because I didn't have an idea why after the first time I hung out with him, just the two of us over a walk), and after Jawn explained how he only had his best intentions out for Kennedy.

He left his best friend crying. He left his best friend, crying.

He left his best friend in tears. He left his best friend, in tears.

He left his best friend hurt. He left his best friend, hurt.

Kennedy stood there quietly too. He was crying the most subtle way ever. He just stood there not caring about his tears. He stood there emotionless. "So he just gave up like that?"

"Kennedy, I am so sorry."

"No." Kennedy came back to his senses and wiped his tears off. He picked up the bracelet and put it on his wrist where he was wearing an identical bracelet.

I never noticed it before.

"It's okay."

"No, it's not." I mumbled.

"No, it's okay." He lied. He bit his lip and wiped the tears that kept coming.

All I said was I'm sorry. before I let him cry on my shoulder.

We forgot all about lunch. We ended up together on his couch, curled up in balls, trying to calm each other down after about three hours. Which was really fucking hard considering we were both crying.

Jawn really meant a lot to him.

And watching him leave his best friend like that hurt me so fucking much. What more could've Kennedy felt?

It was killing him. Not even the fact that I was all his that afternoon cheered him up the slightest bit.

He left me for a couple of minutes, I had no idea what he was doing.

I just hugged my knees to my chest and waited for him to come back.

"Babe, I know something we can do," He said, which caught my attention. I also noticed that he had a duffel bag with him. He smiled through his tears. "Babe, come on. Get up." He said cheerfully.

I was confused as fuck with what was going on. His voice projected happiness and excitement when I knew that wasn't what was going on in his heart. His tears never stopped running out his eyes, but his voice got me getting at the same thing.

He grabbed my hand and dragged me to the kitchen. He took his car keys from the counter then we ran out back to the living room. He picked the duffel bag Jawn so angrily dropped off up and handed it to me, making sure he had his secure in his hand.

I let him take control and we ended up in his brother's old van.

"Do you wanna know where we're going, babe?" He asked quickly.

"Sure," I answered.

"We're going," He licked his lips. "Away. For a couple of days. It's gonna be just you and me, and we're gonna take a break from all this bullshit."

I have to say that the moment he said It's gonna be just you and me, my head and heart filled with the same excitement I felt the first time I was ever with him. Beautiful.

"You up for this?"

I nodded.

"You have to say it." He beamed at me. "You up for this, babe?"

"Fuck yeah," I bravely answered.

--

We pretty much have been driving around for 6 hours. We left his house at around 5:30, we grabbed shit to eat at McDonald's, then we went off to where ever.

We had no idea where we were, and apparently, we didn't care.

What mattered was that we had each other that time.

We both needed each other.

Our best friends just fucking gave up on us, where else were we supposed to go and who else were we supposed to run to?

We were in some creepy highway though, it was quiet and Kennedy was driving slowly since he was getting sleepy. Not to mention it was already late, seeing as no one else was in the highway. And it was dark, nothing but the headlights of the van and the moon lit up our way.

So I told him we could take a nap or something first before we continued to Destination Unknown.

He brought a blanket(smart move), and we decided to go to the back of the van where we had more space.

He turned the air conditioner off and opened one of the windows.

First because we had to have had a window open otherwise we'd suffocate, and second, because it was too hot without a window open.

We weren't in any danger though.

But what was stupid was that having one window open made it too cold.

We had been driving around for six hours. How close to Arizona could we have been?

So we laid in each others' arms and just enjoyed sharing body warmth with each other.

"Ngh," Kennedy groaned, breaking what almost was an hour of blank laying there. "You okay?"

"Awesome." I replied, making him aware that I was still awake too.

He tightened his arms around me. "Are you getting cold?"

"I'm fine," I turned around. "You should sleep."

"Yeah, I think I should." He mumbled. He took my hair out of my face and moved in closer. "But not before I tell how much I fucking love this moment,"

"Why's that," I whispered.

"Because I've always wanted to sleep in a van with you." He muttered with a laugh.

"You're still as whimsical and adorable as you were back then, I'm loving that about you right now."

"Are you loving the fact that it's just you and me right now too?" He looked into my eyes.

"Yeah," I answered honestly. "Sleeping with you in a van's a nice idea, if I do say so myself,"

"I've always wanted this with you. You know. Me. You. Sleeping in a van.. Together."

"It's nice, I like the thought of sleeping with you in a van."

"Then let's make it happen. Close your eyes," He reached over and gently guided my eyelids down with his fingertips. "It's just you and me, babe. You and me. Fuck the rest of the world. I need you. And you need me. We don't have to make it any more complicated than it has to be."

I felt his lips on mine for a couple of seconds before he had me involuntarily turning back around while he hummed a familiar tune in place of a riffy guitar intro for an old song.

"I've got plans for tonight," He sang. "We could lose ourselves in headlights, let the world know we're alive. Our shadows turn to ghosts before our eyes. Drop what I believe for one night, give them who I am; Windows down, we're begging for a chance.

"You've been planning trips on empty maps this time when you swear you'd keep your feet on the ground. And we're wondering where we are tonight.

"We're miles from home, I guess we made it. And I hope you know, we're never gonna say it again. Before you turn this down, before you let me down. So stay right here, you're what I miss the most to pass this space between two states and a telephone,

"The world came crashing down on us. The morning comes, we're all that's left. And listen when I tell you, I know you best. Get, get up and go, we'll lose ourselves out on the road. We won't go down together, we won't go down together.

"And you've been planning trips on empty maps this time when you swear you'd keep your feet on the ground. And we're wondering where we are tonight.

"We're miles from home, I guess we made it. I hope you know, we're never gonna say it again. Before you turn this down, before you let me down. So stay right here, you're what I miss the most to pass this space between two states and a telephone,"

He sighed and continued.

"Get, get up and go, we'll lose ourselves out on the road. Get, get up and go, we won't go down together.

"So stay right here, you're what I miss the most to pass this space between two states and a telephone, so stay right here, you're what I miss the most to pass this space between two states and a telephone,

"We're miles from home, I guess we made it. And I hope you know, we're never gonna say it again. Before you turn this down, before you let me down.

"We're miles from home, I guess we made it. And I hope you know, we're never gonna say it again. Before you turn this down, before you let me down.."