What Makes It Wrong for Us to Fall in Love?

"Are you still listening?"

I nodded, still holding my tears back, gulping my coffee down in the hopes of it actually helping me.

"Well," He got up off his chair. "I'm going to that date thing. Uhm. Talk to Stephen." He grabbed a coat which was on the counter and took their car keys. "You guys can take your car, right?"

"Yeah." I said, realizing he was already dressed.

Brian and Jawn just couldn't stop with those fucking The Summer Set - The Maine dates. We just got back from a tour then, and everyone was tired, and they expected all of us to be there. I swear, they were the most immature people ever.

They kept doing pranks and the bands didn't even approve.

We didn't approve of Brian knocking Pat's drum set down during their set and they didn't approve of Jawn knocking mine down during ours.

The least they could've done was keep the prank war just between the two of them, and not involve all ten of us.

It was one of the reasons I couldn't handle the last tour.

I didn't have my best friend. I was happy with Kennedy, though. He was the best boyfriend ever, and I swear to God, I love him. But like I said before, he wasn't Stephen. He wasn't my best friend.

The worst part was that Jawn and Brian both knew about the situation between me and Stephen, but they still insisted. They thought it would lighten the mood.

But they didn't. They made things worse, and harder for me to keep up with.

Stephen couldn't stand the prank war either. He tried to be quiet and not let things get to him.

After having the talk with John, I realized that Stephen did need me. And I wasn't just wishing that he actually missed me. He actually did miss me.

I tried to wipe the thoughts off as John spoke up.

"Okay." He walked to me and gave me a kiss on the cheek. "I'll see you guys later. Please. Please try not to fucking kill each other or something, okay?" He started walking away.

"No promises." I muttered.

"I heard that!" John gloated, his voice soon being followed by the slam of the front door, then the sound of a car driving off.

I sighed.

I couldn't remember the exact words between me and John's conversation, but there were a shit ton of facts I just learned.

One. The fact that me and Stephen's friendship was solely completely based on Stephen liking me. That one day in Spanish class. The entire reason he talked to me was because he thought I was cute. And then he just kept quiet when Kennedy and I started dating, he just kept quiet. You would think a thirteen-year-old wouldn't understand how to just shut the fuck up about your feelings to save a friendship. Apparently, he saw something really special in me and he didn't wanna lose me just because of a ridiculous crush.

Two. Kennedy really did love me. Does. Kennedy does love me. I realized that it wasn't just infatuation between the two of us back in high school. We were young then and we didn't know how to treat each other, and that's why our relationship didn't work. But there was real chemistry between us, as lame as that sounds.

Stephen just couldn't stand to see me get hurt. After that incident back in high school, he just really couldn't let me hurt myself again.

Three. Three. That day I found out how stupid I was all those years not to have realized Stephen loved me as something more than a friend. There was the fact that he never actually dated anyone, then there was the fact that he was always treating me special. I wanted to be angry at him, because he didn't tell me, because he should've told me sooner. I wanted to be mad at him because he was being selfish. He was taking advantage of the fact that he was the person I trusted my life with most. He was taking advantage of the fact that he was my best friend. But for some reason. For some fucking reason, I just couldn't.

I slowly got up off my chair and started my way down the dark hall to a room which had a white board on it.

It was really lame and childish, but he always had a white board hanging there by his door because the lock of his door was broken, and that white board was the closest thing he had to an actual lock to keep people out of his room.

I sighed at what was written.

Unless you're my best friend, keep the fuck out. That means you, John. Leave me alone.

It was an indefinite statement. Indefinitely sarcastic, indefinitely sincere.

He wanted his best friend but for some reason, I knew he meant that he wished I was there but he knew I wasn't going to be.

I held onto the knob. I closed my eyes, prayed a little, opened my eyes, then walked into the room.

"John, it was on the fucking white board--" Stephen started looking up from his laptop then stopped to seeing me.

Nervousness took over my system as I watched him roll his eyes and focus himself back to whatever it was on his laptop.

"Hey." I said almost whispering.

He continued browsing without even looking at me.

I shook my head impatiently at him, then walked over to where he was sitting by the foot of his bed.

I slapped his computer shut and thumped it onto the floor. Then I laid down on his bed with my head on his lap. "Talk to me."

His eyes avoided mine and I tried not to get bothered.

But it got to me.

I draped one of my arms over the back of his neck and brought his face closer to mine. "Look at me."

He let himself follow me but he didn't make any eye contact.

It had been six weeks. Six fucking weeks, and he hadn't spoken to me. Six years of friendship. Fine! If he wanted to throw our fucking friendship in the trash like that, fine! I was completely fine with that! I mean.. Right? What's six years of being best friends compared to six weeks of being the complete opposite? Or maybe being nothing at all? Well, fine! He can go ahead and throw our friendship away just like that! Because I was completely fine with it!

No. No I wasn't.

Wasn't he even gonna try to save our friendship?

His eyes finally clicked onto mine and I knew there was but one way to save our friendship, and that was the only way.

I pulled him down and crashed my lips against his, not even hesitating.

Last chance.

He broke the kiss and looked away.

"Fine!" I yelled then got off. "I don't care anymore! Fuck, Stephen! I just wanted to try to save our friendship, but apparently, I don't mean anything to you. Shit, Stephen. I love you so fucking much, you don't even know! I need you! But you know what? If you wanna just lose everything we've ever had, fine!" I felt the tears coming and I couldn't hold them back anymore. "Shit, Stephen.."

He stood up and tried to calm me down before I started an emotional breakdown. He held my forearms.

I pushed him off. "Here." I took the key necklace out of my sweater pocket. "Here. Take it. I don't want it. Fuck. Screw whatever that means to you. Screw everything we've been through. Throw it away, I don't care anymore. Fuck you, Stephen James Gomez. Fuck you."

He took a step closer to me, then stopped when I spoke up again.

"No, it's alright. We can still hang out in the band, just.. Just.. Let's just not ever talk to each other ever again." I said, shaking my head frantically with my hair getting in my face. I dragged myself over back to the door and held the doorknob. "And don't even go after me."

"I won't." He finally said.

He wasn't even gonna go after me? Fine.

This is the last time I'm ever gonna see my best friend. Yeah, I would see him during band practice and all that other shit, but he wasn't gonna be the same person. He wasn't gonna be my best friend. Good fucking bye, Stephen.

I slowly started turning the doorknob, my eyes filled with tears and my lip bitten.

He really wasn't going to go after me.