What Makes It Wrong for Us to Fall in Love?

"Thanks for buying lunch." Pat thanked Jawn as he looked up from his taco.

I nodded and also thanked Jawn for my burrito.

"Well, aren't you guys gonna thank him?" Pat asked the rest of them.

They all agreed and shot their "Thank you"'s and "Thanks"'s to Jawn.

Jawn put up a palm. "Whatever."

"So, what is my Johnny boy upset about?" Kennedy nudged Jawn.

Jawn looked up at Kennedy. "What?"

Kennedy shrugged and carefully bit off his taco again. "You seem disturbed."

Jawn glanced at me then at his best friend again. "I do?"

Kennedy nodded. "Why else would I say that?"

Jawn pouted as he continued playing with the paper that wrapped his taco.

"You're not even eating, what's wrong?" Kennedy made Jawn look at him.

"It's nothing." Jawn looked away.

"I know you better than that." Kennedy nudged him again. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I'm feeling hot. That's all." Jawn unbuttoned his coat and threw it off.

Kennedy sighed in defeat. He watched as everyone else left after finishing their tacos and burritos and went off to the bunk area to get afternoon naps.

Jawn was still shaking his leg up and down, and his fingers were involuntarily fumbling with the dog tags he had chained around his neck.

Jawn couldn't have thought it wasn't obvious that he was disturbed, could he really have? It was completely obvious that there was something indeed disturbing him, and it was sort of weird, watching his band mates be oblivious to Jawn's disturbed state.

It was easy for me to just read him like an open book.

"They're gone." Kennedy simply stated. "Now, will you tell me what's bothering you?" Kennedy sat next to him.

"It's-- It's nothing." Jawn choked out.

"John Cornelius O'Callaghan the fifth, you tell me what's bothering you right now or else I will call your mother." Kennedy threatened, not actually minding that I was right there opposite them on the booth.

"I don't--" Jawn shook his head. "I don't wanna talk about it, it's nothing."

"It?" Kennedy raised an eyebrow. "You mean she, don't you?"

"She." Jawn bit his lip. "Binggo." Then let out a breath of relief.

"Yeah, I knew Charlotte was gonna be there. She stalks us, you know. She's always.. She's always checking our tour dates and sees when she can see us."

Jawn shot his eyebrows up, not really knowing what to say.

"She texted me this morning, she told me she was coming to see us." Kennedy casually said.

"But the show got cancelled--"

"Thank God, right?" Kennedy laughed.

"You know how much I hate her, right?"

Kennedy simply nodded.

"We kind of ran into her at Taco Bell." Jawn made a disgusted expression.

"That's nice." Kennedy said, not caring. Then he realized what he just said was wrong. "Just kidding, that's terrible."

"Tell me about it," Jawn shook his head.

I tilted my head wonderingly at the two of them, their conversation seemed like the most natural thing ever. And Jawn was controlling himself, he wasn't hurling out the words "Bitch" or "slut" or "whore" or even "fucking" in front of Kennedy at the slightest mention of Charlotte's name.

Amazed, I watched them continue.

"So what did you tell her when she said she was coming out to see us?"

"I didn't reply." Kennedy shrugged. "I actually deleted her number."

"And you actually knew it was hers that texted you?"

"Her number's still at the back of my mind, and I hate it."

"That's stupid, get over her already." Jawn rolled his eyes.

"I am over her. How could I even love someone who was using me to get to my best friend?"

Jawn nodded as if to say "oh, yeah".

"Besides, she means nothing to me anymore, she's nothing more to me than a slut who took my virginity when I was drunk then slept with my best friend. Nothing. More. Than. That. She's a bitch." Kennedy calmly said.

"Did you even love her?" I unintentionally blurted out.

Kennedy's eyes darted onto me, letting me see that straight face of his in full view.