You Know I'm Never Gonna Let You Go

Avery

It seemed like hours had passed when Alex finally returned. I heard footsteps approaching and my head snapped up. “Alex, let me explain…” I scrambled up quickly. He put up a hand to stop me. “Don’t, Jack already did. Now we’re even.” He said curtly. “I have gas, so we can get going in a sec. Just get into the car.” I did as he said and he joined me a few minutes later. He turned the key and the car came back to life. He sped away, trying to make up for the time we’d lost.

“I’m sorry.” I said and looked at him. “I never wanted you to find out. It’s probably the second biggest mistake ever made. And I know you must hate me right now, and you have every right to, but please don’t be mad at Jack. I hate the thought of you two fighting because of this. He’s not the blame Alex, I am.” Alex nodded and was silent for a minute before he spoke. “I don’t hate you, or Jack, I just….. I feel…. betrayed, but that was what you wanted right? That I would feel what you felt when you found me on the couch that morning. Well, you did it. You got your revenge.” His voice was bitter and I shrunk back in my seat.

“No! I mean…. I just…. I did at the time, but the next morning it was all just a big mistake. Something that never should have happened! It was weird and awkward and…. wrong! And yes I mostly did it to get back at you, but….” Realizing what I was about to say I snapped my mouth shut.

“But what?” Alex asked. “Nothing.” I mumbled. He turned his head slightly so he could look at me. “Tell me. You owe me that much.” I was biting my lip so hard it was almost painful. “I mostly did it to get back of you, but a part of me did it because he reminded me of you! I missed you okay. I was drunk and being with Jack like that made it very easy to pretend it was you.” I blurred out, feeling completely embarrassed.

I could see Alex staring at me in surprise from the corner of my eye. “I thought you hated me.” He said. “I did! But leaving didn’t mean I would automatically stop loving you.” I said. “You really thought I could just stop loving you? Alex, we’d been together from years! Yeah, we fought at lot the last year, but that didn’t mean I didn’t love you.”

He didn’t say anything for a while, so I turned around in the seat so I was facing the window. “You think you could ever forgive me for what happened?” His voice was soft, but I still jumped a little because the sound surprised me. I didn’t turn around to look at him, but kept staring out of the window. “I already did I think. I was so mad at you at first, but after a few weeks I cooled down and realized you just made a mistake. I knew you would never hurt me like that on purpose.”

“Then why didn’t you come back? Or at least responded to my calls? I was going crazy back there, not knowing where you were or why you left in the first place.” Alex said. I shifted a little so I could look at him. “I couldn’t. I knew my family would be so mad at me for leaving you, I mean they adore you, especially my mom.” Alex immediately noticed that I wasn’t telling the truth, or at least not entirely. “And now the real reason.” I chuckled softly, even after all this time I was still an open book to him. But the laughter quickly faded and I became serious again.

“I didn’t want to.” I confessed. “But why? Ave I love you so much and you mean so much to me, I’m sure we could have worked things out.” He begged and I could hear the sadness in his voice. “Because of that.” I whispered. I didn’t want to tell him, because I would only hurt him more, but he needed to know.

“Because I knew that if I would come back I would run right back into your arms again. I was so afraid you would hurt me again and my heart just couldn’t take it. The thought of going through something like that again nearly killed me. So I decided to break ever bond I had with you or my hometown.”

“You haven’t had any contact with your family and friends because of me?” Alex choked out. “Yep, I haven’t heard or seen any one of them for more than three years, well except for Jack of course.”

“Dammit Avery. Why didn’t you just kick me out? You left your whole life behind because of me!” He slammed the wheel in anger. “Because I needed to move on.” I said calmly. “Staying was just no option, everything around there reminded me of you.”

“Oh.” Alex calmed down again. “Or you still mad at me?” I whispered. “A little.” He admitted. “Oh.” I mumbled and with that the conversation ended. Or so I thought, because Alex surprised me by asking me a question. “Hey Ave. You think we could be maybe friends again?” He sounded so hopeful, like it was the most important thing in the world.

Could I do it? Could I be friends with Alex again. I was afraid I couldn’t. After the whole Alex-finding-out-about-Jack-thing I realized I still love Alex very much. I wanted him, I needed him, but even though my heart was telling me to go for it, my brain was yelling at me to let him go. “I don’t know Alex. You really think that’s a good idea? We only keep hurting each other.”

Alex didn’t say anything, but the sadness was clear in his eyes. The next song came on and I recognized it immediately. ‘Vegas’ poured out the speakers, filling the car. A smile formed on my face, it always had been one of my favorite songs. “I wrote this one for you, you know that?” Alex said. “W-what?” I didn’t know what to say. He wrote that song for me? After what happened? “Especially this part.” He said.

I would've married you in Vegas
had you given me the chance to say "I do".
Could I make it any more obvious?
Could you be any more obvious?

I would've married you in Vegas
had you given me the chance to say "I do".
Could I make it any more obvious?
Could you be any more obvious, could you?

I opened and close my mouth a few times, but no sound was coming out. Alex chuckled at my expression. “I would have you know.” He said, his voice serious now. “Married you in Vegas I mean. But it was obvious you didn’t when you were gone all of a sudden.” He chuckled again, a little darker this time. “Guess I screwed up my chances of ever saying ‘I do’ to you.”

I tried not to cry again, knowing he was right. There was no way Alex and I were ever going to say those words to each other and that thought broke my heart. There had been a time I would have said ‘yes’ to Alex in a heartbeat, but I was young and foolish. I was older now, we both were, and too much had happened between us.

At that very moment I made a decision. I wasn’t going to tell Alex how I really felt about him. He could never know how much I still loved him, no matter what. I was going to disappear again as soon as this wedding was over.

Alex yawned a few times and I could feel I was getting tired too. “You wanna go find a hotel or are we gonna sleep in the car?” He asked. “You look exhausted and I’m also very tired, let’s just pull over and get some sleep.

Alex parked the car at the side of the road. It was quiet and no cars passed. “I’m gonna put on something else if you don’t mind. These aren’t the most comfortable things to sleep in.” I said, gesturing to my outfit.

I got out of to car and opened to trunk. I zipped my bag open and pulled out a pair of cotton shorts and a tanktop. I climbed into the backseat. “Don’t look.” I said to Alex and started to change. I turned around to find my top when my eyes fell on the rearview mirror, reflecting a pair of hypnotizing brown eyes that bore into my own.