You Know I'm Never Gonna Let You Go

Avery

It felt so familiar let so foreign to feel his lips against mine again. He still tasted the same as I remembered, but there was something about the kiss that was different, there seemed to be so much emotion behind it, pain, desire, hurt, love and so much more. It wasn’t like any other kiss we’d shared before.

I pulled back to gasp for air. Alex however didn’t seem to be bothered and moved his lips down to my neck. “A-Alex. Stop.” I gasped, but he kept kissing. “I want you Ave. I need you. Please.” I mumbled against my skin. He pulled away and looked into my eyes. “I want to give this another shot Ave. I want to give us another shot.” He sounded so sincere, so hopeful, it was hard to say no to him.

But then I remembered how our relationship had been the last year.

”Where the fuck have you been?” I yelled. Alex whined softly. “Could you stop screaming? It’s annoying.” “I fucking yell if I wanna yell. Hell, I have a right to yell! It’s three in the fucking morning Alex! I’ve been trying to find you since noon!” I glared at him. If looks could kill my fiancée would have been dead on the floor right now.

“It’s none of your business Avery.” He growled. “None of my business!? I’m your fiancée! How is this none of my business. You fucking disappear all of a sudden and then you show up again, at 3 a.m., completely fucking wasted and now you’re mad I was worried!?” I screamed. Alex flinched a little, clearly still drunk. “I was out okay, just out.” He muttered and pushed past me.

“Don’t you fucking dare walk away from me Alexander!” I quickly followed him. “Watch me.” He said and headed upstairs. “You’re such a dick! I can’t believe I said yes when you asked me to marry you!” He stopped walking and turned to face me. “Well I can’t believe I proposed in the first place. You’re such an annoying, controlling bitch.” He snapped. “Sometimes I wonder why I’m even still with you.”

I froze. “W-What?” I stuttered. “Are you saying you don’t want to marry me? That you don’t even want to be with me?” Alex seemed to finally realize what he’d said. “Fuck Ave, no! I’m so….”

I quickly pushed him away. “Fuck you Alex!” I spat and walked into the guestroom, locking the door. “Ave! Baby I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it. Ave please open the door.” He kept apologizing like that for a while before I gave in. I always gave in, no matter what. Somehow I just couldn’t stay mad at him. I unlocked the door and it flew open.

Alex scooped me up in a hug, crushing me against his chest. “I’m sorry Ave. For everything. It won’t happen again.” I didn’t respond. He always said that, but he never kept his promise. Hell, I would be surprise if he would even remember this in the morning.

“Ave? Avery? Ave!” I snapped out of the memory when Alex shook me a little. I stared into his pleading, brown eyes and as much as I wanted to say yes to him I simply couldn’t.

Memories of the last year of our relationship kept me from saying that one word he was dying to hear. I was afraid that, if I said yes, I would have to go through all that again and that was something I simply couldn’t take.

“We…. I-I can’t Alex.” I finally whispered. “Why!? Why can’t you Ave? I love you, so much. I know I screwed up, but please give a chance. Just one more chance. That’s all I’m asking for.” He pleaded.

“Because I don’t want to get hurt again Alex. Is not just that one night that made me leave, it was everything. That whole year we were engaged. You changed Alex, that’s why I left. You weren’t the guy I fell in love with anymore. You were mean and cold….. I just didn't understand what was going on with you. And I tried to understand Alex, I really did, but you kept pushing me away. That morning I saw you with….her, was just the last drop.” I said, almost in tears.

Alex cupped my cheeks, forcing me to look at him. “I’m sorry Ave, I really am. I’m sorry you didn’t understand. That I pushed you away. But I promise I won’t make the same mistake this time.”

A few tears escape my eyes and rolled down my cheek. Alex whipped them away. “H-How do I know you won’t. Why do you think it will work out this time?”

“Because I’m not afraid anymore.” He answered. “I-I don’t understand.” I said confused. “The reason I acted that way was because I was afraid.” He said softly, his voice calm. “After I proposed I realized how serious we were getting. It made me think about our future and I figured you would be thinking about that too. I thought that sooner or later you would realize it was a bad idea to marry me.

You always thought so highly of me. Like you thought you somehow didn’t deserve me.” He mumbled and I dropped my head. It was true, when we were younger I never really understood why I guy like him wanted to be with a girl like me.

“But the truth is that I didn’t deserve you. You were so perfect, you still are, and I figured that soon you would realize that you could do so much better than…. well, me.” He confessed.

I stared at him in disbelieve. “W-What? You thought I would leave you?” I stuttered. Alex chuckled darkly. “Yep. I somehow convinced myself that it was better if you left before that happened. I convinced myself that I had to let you go and the only way to do that was to hurt you. I never planned on sleeping with your best friend, it just happened.

It wasn’t until after you were gone I realized how big of a mistake I’d made.” He pressed a soft kiss against my lips. “I made the biggest mistake of my life Ave and I want to make it up to you. Just please him me a chance.”

I swallowed loudly and I tried to find the right words to say. “I want to Alex, I really wanna give you a second chance. But I need to know that you won’t hurt me again.”

“I promise Ave, I promise.” He whispered and tried to kiss me again, but I stopped him. “A promise is not enough Alex. I need you to prove it.”

He nodded. “Of course. Just tell me how Ave, I’ll do anything for you.” I smiled a little. “I’m afraid you have to figure that one out by yourself Alex.”