You're My Perfect Lie

Matt's POV

“You’ve got to be kidding?” She says, letting out a loud laugh.

“No, it’s true. Ask Zacky about it & he’ll tell you it is” I say. I just finished telling her about Zacky’s previous band MPA (Mad Porno Action) & how the cops came searching for him to school cuz they accused him of stealing the microphones.

“Oh my God. That’s hilarious. Sounds as something that came out of ‘Cops’” She says, taking a deep breath. “How did he come up with that name?” She says, running her fingertips under her eyes, drying the small tears that are collecting there due to her heavy laughter.

“I have no idea. We were a bunch of stupid kids” I say, finally controlling my breathing. She lets out a couple of chuckles, before we fall into a comfortable silence, only the sound of Apocalyptica playing through the radio. I turn to look at her, & I see her staring at the road through the window. I’ve never seen someone that radiates so much peace. She looks serene. She looks like she has no worry in the world. As if the world was perfect & there was nothing that’s gonna change that. “So what about you? How was your childhood?” I ask, dying to know a little bit more about her, wanting to get to know everything about her… her favorite color, her favorite food, if she’s a cat person or a dog person, if she’s ever been out of the States, what are her pet peeves, everything.

“My childhood was not as fun & entertaining as yours, I can assure you that” She says, placing her head on her hand, leaning on the window.

“Oh, come on, there must be something fun about it” I say, prying her to tell me all her endeavors when she was younger. She looks at me, weary if she should tell me or not. I smile at her, trying to convince her with my smile & dimples. Val says they’re irresistible, so I’m trying to put that to the test. I see a small smile trying to break through her hesitation… & I finally succeed.

“I went to an all-girl catholic school” She says & a grin appears in her face. I’m sure it must be due to the fact that my eyes almost popped out of their sockets. “I knew that would get your attention” She says, letting out a laugh. “Tal had almost the same reaction, only difference is that I can swear I saw him drool” She says, with a face that tells me she’s trying to remember it.

“An all-girl catholic school? Like… only girls with… uniforms?” I ask her, my imagination running wild. I know I sound like a horny 15-year-old but just imagining Sophia in a schoolgirl uniform makes me get hard. I mean, it’s one of the universal male fantasies… the schoolgirl uniform. Oh, shit.... & it’s starting to show. Ok… I gotta calm down…. I gotta think about something else. Jimmy’s butt… Jimmy’s butt…. Jimmy’s butt.

“Yes… only girls in uniforms. & before you go imagining all the dirty stuff you may think happens in boarding schools…” She says as if reading my thoughts. Or maybe she saw the death grip I have on the steering wheel. “Just let me tell you that I have no idea where they come from. Movies had made them so overrated. We don’t teach each other how to kiss, we don’t shower together, we don’t take each others virginity & most certainly… we don’t ‘experiment’ our sexuality. It’s all unfounded” She says, making me so hard that it’s starting to hurt. Just hearing her say those words are a major turn on. Tal is one lucky bastard. “I mean, there are a couple of girls that may actually do that, but boarding school is not were all lesbians go to meet their ‘high school sweetheart’ or everyone that goes there turns into lesbians or bisexuals. That’s so not the case. It’s pretty boring. It’s more like a… prison. A very fancy prison” She says the last part with a sigh & I turn to look at her & see the sadness in her eyes, making my raging hard on disappear with just the thought of her hurting or being sad.

“Are you ok?” I ask her & I see her take a deep breath in. She smiles sadly at me & nods her head. “I guess high school wasn’t the best experience for you?” I ask her & I see in her face how all the memories are coming back to her. “We don’t have to talk about it, you know? Let’s just forget everything about it. So… are you excited about Vegas?” I ask her, trying to change the subject & make the sudden heavy mood change.

“It wasn’t the experience that was bad. I made really good friends there. It’s was the circumstance why I was send there that bothers me” She says, almost as she didn’t hear or acknowledge my previous words. “I mean, I was never a badass or a trouble girl. I was pretty nerdy in elementary. I liked to make my parents proud. & my father…” She stops, a small smile appearing in her face. “He used to always make me chocolate cake whenever I was in the Honor Roll. He would even sneak some for me before going to bed behind my mom’s back” She says, letting out a small laugh. “That is until she caught him. She was so mad at him. But you could never stay mad at him… that was one of his many qualities. He was that type of person. Almost like Jimmy” She says. Her eyes suddenly turn teary.

“Was?” I ask, before I could stop myself. I noticed how she talked about him in past tense. I see a tear run down her cheek before she quickly wiped it out. I wanted so bad to reach out & wipe it, but I knew better than to do that. I couldn’t allow myself that type of proximity.

“He died when I turned 11” She says. “He lost the battle to cancer” She says. “We never saw it coming. It was like… one minute he was here & the next, he was gone” She says, sniffing. “My mom took it the hardest. She locked herself in their bedroom for a whole month. She sent me that whole month to live with my Uncle Saul. & not once during that month, she came out to ask if I was ok” She says with a painful tone. I sneak a glance at her & see her fidgeting with her fingers, slowly pulling at the skin surrounding her nails.

It’s the first time that I’ve seen her… broken. Granted, I haven’t known her that long, but she & Val had developed a strong friendship, hence… we had developed a friendship too. But I’ve never seen her in this much pain. Talking about this looks like it brings out not only painful emotions, but it seems as if she was hurting physically. Like there was a knife being stabbed in her heart continuously. She seems… exposed. “But I don’t blame her, you know? Everybody deals with their pain in their own way. I guess hers was being isolated from the world & pushing me away” She says, glancing at me, with a sad smile. “I graduated 6th grade that year & next thing I know, I’m being send to Ireland to a boarding school” She says, more silent tears escaping her eyes. “She send me all the way to Ireland & I only came back once for vacation. & I only spent 2 weeks with her. I moved to my Uncle Saul’s house, cuz he couldn’t bear to see me so… heartbroken. He always says that there’s gonna come the day that I’ll just explode cuz I couldn’t grieve my father’s dead. It was like if both of my parents died that day” Almost like it was dawning everything in her head. “She sent me all the way to Ireland. Almost like if… she wanted to get rid of me. Like, if I was just on her way. Like if… she didn’t wanted me. My Uncle Saul never has forgiven her for abandoning me. He was the only one to visit me whenever he was overseas, but that happened rarely. Only 2 or 3 times. Then… it was just me for Christmas, Thanksgiving, New Year… my birthday” She says. I feel my heart twitch with her pain. Seeing her sad & vulnerable is really hard. I don’t know why, but I’ve come to care so much about her in such a short amount of time, that it’s almost ridiculous. & hearing her pour her heart out to me… it makes me want to hug her & tell her that she doesn’t have to feel that way anymore. That I’m here for her, “& you know the reason she gave me many years later when I asked her why?” She asks me, turning her sad eyes towards me. I shake my head no, not trusting my words won’t crack if I spoke out. “She said… ‘You have his eyes’, like if it was a curse” She lets out a chuckle in disbelief. “I was denied of my mother’s love because I have my dad’s eyes” She lets out a laugh & shakes her head.

“I think you have the most beautiful eyes I’ve ever seen” I blurt out. She looks at me, almost like studying me to see if I was lying to her, saying the things she wanted to hear, or if I was telling her the truth. But I wasn’t lying. She had the most amazing eyes I’ve seen. So big, full of emotions, & the perfect shade of honey, that if you look closely enough, you can see the specks of green showing. A smile breaks on her lips… a sincere smile.

¨Thanks¨ She says.

“It’s true” I say, looking ahead again.

“You have beautiful eyes too” She says, laughing, staring at my eyes. It makes me laugh too, & next thing we know, we’re laughing our asses off about nothing. Just laughing for the sake of it. After a couple of minutes, our laughter dies & we are left with teary eyes & chuckles. “You know… you’re the first person I’ve ever talked about that” She says. In part, I feel honored that she considered me worthy of that type of trust. “Not even Tal knows the reason why I was send away & all the other stuff. He just knows the basic things” She says. “I’m not sure I want to let him know that yet” She confesses.

“Don’t worry about it. I won’t say a fucking word” I tell her sincerely, giving her a sincere smile.

“Thanks for listening to me. I’ve never talked about this with anyone aside from my Uncle” She mutters, blushing & playing with her nails again. Out of instinct, I place my hand on top of hers to stop her fidgeting. This shocks her as much as it shocks me. When my hand touched hers, it felt… it felt right. I felt it & I’m sure she felt it too. I immediately remove my hand & place it on the steering wheel… where it needs to be. “You’re great guy, Matt” She says after a while. “It’s a shame you’re already taken” She says casually, making me look at her. I see her cheeks beginning to blush & her whole face turning red. “I mean… uh…” She stumbles with her words & I just laugh.

“It’s ok. I know what you mean” I say, trying to prevent her from getting more embarrassed, but it only seems for her blush to deepen. She nods her head, & turns to look out the window again, silence dawning on the car, just some Black Tide playing on the radio. I steal a glance at her, & see that she’s starting to doze off & I smile at myself.

To know she feels, somewhat, attracted to me, is not only a big ego boost, but it makes me feels something warm inside… something I haven’t felt in so long. & as we continue our drive to Vegas, I focus on trying to push those feelings aside… to try to ignore the way my heart accelerates of the mere thought of her name. How my skin seemed to light up on fire with the slightly touch of her hand. I try… because she’s dating one of my closest friends & I’m married. FUCK… I’M MARRIED.