I Love You, but I Fear Love

I woke up the next morning to the sound of soft snickering. I opened one eye and saw Matthew and Hailey peeking into my room. I realized how I had fallen asleep last night and opened my eyes to revile that I was laying on my side with someone's arm wrapped tightly around my waist and I felt the heat of their body on my back through my shirt.

I turned my head a bit and saw Gerard's peaceful, sleeping face. I didn't want to wake him, and honestly, his closeness was nice. But I couldn't deal with this right now. I didn't want him hurt.

I carefully unwrapped his arm from my waist and rolled off the bed and onto the floor stealthily. I sent a death glare towards Hailey and Matthew and their eyes widened and they hurried away. I turned back to they bed and saw Mikey's tall, lanky body curled into a small ball on the foot of the bed. How he managed to look so small, I'll never know.

His face just screamed innocence. He looked like a little kid, worn out from playing too long. I shifted my gaze to Gerard and felt my breath catch. His pale face seemed very much angelic. The sunlight streaming through my window lit up his black hair, creating what seemed like a soft halo around his head.

Suddenly, I was bombarded with a memory.

"Kevin, pass me the ball!" Kevin, a tall boy with blonde hair, blue eyes, and tan skin, passed the ball to his team mate. He had brought me to the game for fun, and of course so he could show off. We were in a bad part of town, but Kevin wanted to come, so I agreed.

I watched him move, his stealth not unlike a panther. He wove around several of the members from the other team as his team mate passed him the ball. He jumped up and slammed it into the hoop.

He jumped down and raised his fists in accomplishment. He turned to where I sat on the side lines and gave me a big smile. I smiled back and held up my thumbs. He gave me a wink.

As he turned around, a loud shot rang out. I felt the smile melt off my face as I looked around to see who was wounded. Everything seemed to turn to slow motion as I saw Kevin fall. I ran over as fast as I could, but it felt like I was running through mud. I finally got to him and fell to my knees beside him. He was on his stomach, so I rolled him over.

"N-November..." He murmured, raising a hand to stroke my cheek and wipe away the tears that were starting to fall. "I-I love you." His voice was soft, distant.

"No! No, Kevin, stay with me!" I shouted through my tears. This couldn't be happening, not again. He gave me one last smile and his eyes glazed over as he stared lifelessly into the blue sky. I felt it as his last breath left his body and leaned over him, his shirt stained a bloody red.

"N-no, please, no." I sobbed into his chest.

"Ember, Ember are you okay?" I felt someone shaking my shoulder and opened my eyes. I was on the floor, curled up into a tiny ball. I turned over and saw Gerard and Mikey's worried faces through my tears. Gerard's frantic eyes softened a bit as he looked at my face.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I don't know. I heard you screaming someone's name-" I cut Mikey off.

"Who? Who's name?" I asked him.

"Um, Kevin, I think. Anyways, I woke up to you screaming his name and saw you on the ground, curled up in a ball. Then, I heard you sobbing, so I woke up Gerard." I looked at both of them, their expressions were identical masks of worry.

"Ember, who's Kevin?" Gerard asked, taking my hand. I looked deep into his hazel eyes and decided that I could trust him. I took a deep breath and then spoke.

"Kevin was my... Ex boyfriend from two years ago. He... He was magnificent, with blonde hair and blue eyes, and he was fairly tan... He took me to one of his basketball games on the bad side of town. We were there for maybe 20 minutes and then... He was shot and killed." I felt my eyes brim with tears as I thought of the memory again.

I felt strong arms wrap around my shoulders and pull me close. I heard them murmur soft words of tranquility and recognized the voice as Gerard's. He pulled me into his lap and cradled me. Mikey came over and sat down next to us and started to stroke my hair, which also helped calm me down.

After about twenty minutes, I had stopped crying, but I was still in Gerard's arms and Mikey was still stroking my hair. I squirmed a little bit in Gerard's grasp.

"Gee, lemme go..." I whined. He smiled devilishly down at me.

"Nope, you're all mine, Ember." He laughed manically.

"No fair!" Mikey pouted. I laughed and tilted my head backwards to look at him upside down.

"Don't worry, Mikey! There's enough of me to go around!" I laughed and he smiled at me, but Gerard tightened his grip.

"No, she's mine!" Gerard whined like a four year old.

"Gee, be nice to your brother!" I laughed at Mikey's little pout as he stuck out his lower lip.

"But why? He's the younger one!" I laughed at the whine in Gerard's voice. I did a little flip and managed to get out of Gerard's grasp and onto the floor. Bad news: it hurt a bit when I landed on the floor.

"Ahaha!" I said in a proud tone. I stuck up my fist towards the ceiling in victory as I jumped up and then did a little victory dance. Mikey and Gerard cracked up at my dance and I stuck out my tongue at them.

"You're just jealous." I said, but laughed along with them. I then stopped and had a little panic attack because I thought we had school, but then realized that it was now Saturday, which is why Gee and Mikey were able to stay overnight. I sat back down on the floor with Mikey and Gerard and grabbed my phone to check for messages.

1 New Message I pressed the Read button to see who it was.

Hey, November :) It's me, Sabrina. Just checking up on you and your new family. Text me back ASAP! I sighed. Sabrina was one of my friends from my previous home. She was my closest friend, besides Henry. I pressed Reply and responded.

Hey, Brina =] Everything's fine, just hanging out with two new friends. They're pretty awesome. I looked up to see Gerard and Mikey watching me. My cheeks heated up and I looked down again.

"Who are you texting?" Mikey asked, curiosity plainly in his voice.

"Oh, my friend Sabrina. I went to school with her in the previous city I lived in. She was my closest friend." I smiled as memories of me and her flashed through my mind. Me and her at the roller rink that time that I fell and brought her with me, causing other people to trip over us. That day at the mall when those boys asked her for her number and she gave them the number for the local pizza shop. God, I miss her.

I phone vibrated and I read her message.

Oh! Picture, please! :) I smiled and looked at the boys.

"Would you mind if I took a picture of you two for her? She wants to know what you look like." I smiled as they shrugged. I pressed the camera button on my phone and they put their heads together and smiled. Right at the last minute, Gerard stuck out his tongue and Mikey crossed his eyes. I laughed at the picture of them and decided to send it.

"You two are so weird." I said as I laughed at them. They gave me huge smiles and then demanded to look at the picture. I showed them and they both laughed at it. Then, my phone vibrated.

Cute!! Are they brothers?

Yeah, the one with glasses is the younger one. =] They're pretty awesome.

"Okay, so she got to see a picture of us, let us see a picture of her!" Mikey said with a smile. I laughed and looked through my pictures. After Henry died, I made sure to delete all but one of the pictures of us. I stopped on that one and stared at it, feeling the lump start to form in my throat. I mentally shook it off and continued through my pictures, finally stopping on one of me and Sabrina.

Brina had pretty, shiny brown hair and chocolate brown eyes. She was tan and petite. In other words, guys were all over her. I showed them the picture of me and her one day at the park. My black hair was shorter then, and my blue eyes looked lifeless in the picture, but it was a great picture of her.

"She's pretty, huh?" I said with a smile. Gerard looked up from the picture to me and smiled.

"Sure, but I think the other girl in the picture is prettier." I blushed heavily and let out a little giggle. Mikey smiled at my giggle and Gerard's smile grew bigger.

"November! Breakfast is ready! Tell the boys to come down, too!" I got up and left my phone on my desk. I walked out of my room with Gee and Mikey following close behind as we walked to the kitchen where Sasha had made breakfast. I smiled as the smell of blueberry pancakes hit my nose. I thanked Sasha as I grabbed two and sat down at the table with Gerard, Mikey, and Cara, who was watching Gerard with a cautious expression.

After we finished, the three of us went back up to my room and we all laid on my bed. Mikey's head ended up on my stomach, my head was on Gerard's stomach, and Gerard's head was just on a pillow. We talked about random things and they told me more about Frank, Ray, and Bob. Apparently, they were all starting a band, but had yet to think up a name.

Gerard was lead vocals, Mikey was bass guitarist, Ray was lead guitarist and backup vocals, Frank was rhythm guitar, and Bob was the drummer. I asked Gerard to sing me a song, but he laughed and declined. I pouted, but he wouldn't budge.

"Pretty please, Gee? I'll be you're bestest friend!" I said with my bottom lip sticking out. He laughed.

"I'll have to take you up on that offer! Okay, so do you promise that if I sing to you, you'll be my best friend?" I let out an enthusiastic 'Yes!' and he laughed and sighed.

"Alright, lemme think of something..." I let him think and turned over to look up at him, making Mikey's head end up on my side. He finally smiled and looked down at me.

"I got it." I smiled and motioned for him to continue. He took a few deep breaths and then started to sing.

"When you were here before
Couldn't look you in the eye
You're just like an angel
Your skin makes me cry
You float like a feather
In a beautiful world
I wish I was special
You're so fucking special

But I'm a creep
I'm a weirdo
What the hell am I doing here?
I don't belong here..." I smiled when I recognized the song to be Creep by Radiohead. He continued with the song and he was, well, amazing. I loved his voice.

When he finished, I burst into applause and he blushed.

"Thanks, Ember." He said with a laugh. I smiled at him and he smiled back.

We pretty much spent the rest of the day lounging around on my bed and in the back yard, playing with Sasha's Husky puppy, Raymond. He was the cutest little puppy ever. Gerard and Mikey had to go home around five, but promised to text me. I fell asleep that night with a smile on my face.