I Love You, but I Fear Love

Why, oh why did I let him do that? I know what's going to come next. I was about to say something, but the look in his eyes, that happiness, made my words stop in my throat. His beautiful hazel eyes were shining bright, even in this dim light. I felt my smile still plastered on my face, not wanting to fade away.

"Hey, hey, hey! PDA, PDA!!" I jumped at Frankie's voice echoing through the small viewing tunnel and looked around Gerard's shoulder to glare at him. My grip on Gerard's hand tightened just a bit, and he gave me a small smile, as if to say It's just Frankie. I loosened my grip just a bit and forced a smile on my face.

"Did I just hear the letters PDA directed towards my brother?" Mikey sauntered up to Frank's side with Ray close behind.

"Shut it, Mikes." Gerard said, pulling me a bit closer to him. That, of course, just made the guys bust up laughing, which made my cheeks explode with heat. I buried my face into Gerard's chest in attempt to hide my cherry-red cheeks. His arms wrapped around my shoulders and I felt his chest vibrate as he chuckled.

"Come on, love birds. I didn't spend twenty bucks just to see you two sucking face!" Frank said with a laugh. Ray looked at him incredulously.

"You didn't pay at all! I bought your ticket!" We all laughed, including me, though it was muffled by Gerard's shirt. I peeked out at them and finally sighed as I pulled away from him, taking only his hand.

"Alright, alright, let's go then!" I pulled Gerard along and they all laughed at my impatient state. We saw all the other animals in the zoo and sadly, it was then time to go. I said good bye to Ray and gave Frankie a hug good bye. I then left with Gerard and Mikey.

"Gerard, we have to go straight home. Now." Mikey's voice was full of worry.

"It's fine, you can drop me off here. I can walk." I reached over to unbuckle my seat belt.

"No, no, it's fine Ember. You can come with." Mikey nodded in agreement and I sat back in my seat. We pulled up to a small, yellow house and Gerard stopped the car. We Gerard unlocked the front door and stepped inside with me and Mikey close behind.

"Mom? Mom, where are you?" I caught up to Gerard and held his hand for support. I knew he was worried. He gave me a grateful look and we walked into his kitchen, where a familiar woman was sitting.

"Mom! What's wrong?" Gerard pulled me over to her side. She looked up and I realized that her eyes were a bit puffy. She looked so different from when I first met her, when her eyes were so bright and full of hope. Now, she just looked broken.

"Oh, Gerard, Mikey, I have horrible news... You're grandmother, Elena, just died." The room was silent. Gerard suddenly let go of my hand and ran to a stairwell that led to what looks like a basement. Mikey just sat down by their mother and softly spoke soothing words to her. I decided to go comfort Gerard and went down the stairs. I stopped at a door and knocked softly.

"Gerard? Gerard, can I come in?" I didn't get an answer, so I opened the door and stopped dead. Gerard was on his bed with what looked like marijuana in his hand. It was already lit. He looked up, startled. I ran over to him and grabbed the drug from his hand and ran to his conjoined bathroom and flushed it down the toilet.

"Ember! What the hell?" I turned around to look at Gerard's startled face.

"You don't need drugs, Gerard. It's not right." I said calmly.

"Ember, my grandmother just died! Shouldn't I be allowed one moment where I can do what I want?" His voice was rising.

"Drugs are never the answer! You're going to kill yourself!" I couldn't help my voice as it rose.

"You don't know that! I've been fine!"

"I do know! I had a foster mom who was addicted to drugs and alcohol! And you know what she did? She abused me and my siblings! We had to be moved from her home! Don't you dare tell me I don't know what drugs do to people!" I instantly regretted saying that out loud. His anger fell away right away as what I said sunk in.

"Ember, I'm so sorry. I didn't know..." He walked over to me and pulled me to his chest. He kissed the top of my head as my fingers tangled up in the front of his shirt. After a while, I decided that Sasha might be worried about me, so I had to go home.

"I'll drive you home, Ember. Come on." He took my hand and led me upstairs. We passed his mother and Mikey, who were still at the table. I waved good bye to Mikey and he gave me a halfhearted wave back.

We got into the car and the ride to my house was pretty quiet. We pulled up to my house and got out of the car. I opened my front door and felt Gerard's hand on my arm.

"Ember?" I turned around and looked into his eyes. "Thank you." He leaned forward and kissed my forehead. I put my hand on his cheek and pulled his face down to my level. I then leaned forward and pressed my lips to his as my eyes fluttered closed in temporary pleasure. We pulled away and he smiled. Then he walked to his car and drove away.

Hey, if I'm already going to hell, why not make the journey worthwhile?