Rudy Can't Fail
Ramalama's and Alleys
I’m sitting across from this chick and she's blowing my mind.
I mean, when I saw her outside Rudy's she caught my eye, but when she started speaking, I was hooked. She didn’t give much away then, it was her tattoos and that body, man- how she carried herself.
I've never seen a chick like this before and I’ve seen a fair few ladies over the years. She was dark skinned, the colour of chocolate, nice full lips and a rack like you wouldn’t believe. As she had turned to walk away, I checked out her ass. It was one of those that wouldn’t quit. To quote Sir Mix-A-Lot, 'Baby Got Back!'
I got as good as I gave, from her. Like she didn’t give a rat’s ass that I was famous. And she was English. Her accent made my toes curl. Jeez, I sound so ghey.
I caught the name of a shop on her shirt and I knew instantly where it was, so I decided to go down and find out more.
"Ok, so I’m guessing you wanna take me out- wine, dine and fuck me from behind, right?" She licked her lips and a hint of a tongue ring gleamed at me. I was shocked at what she said. My breath caught in my throat and I coughed a little, but it was a nice shock. I was also thinking about what it would be like to kiss her, so to distract myself, I started drumming 'St. Jimmy' on the table.
"Yeah, why not. But let me get to know you first." Was all I could think of to say.
"Ok, what do you wanna know?" She asked, sounding bored. Even though she was wearing her shades, it was clear she was rolling her eyes.
"Anything your willing to share, M'lady."
"Right, well. My name is Natalie, but I prefer people to call me Nat. I’m a Scorpio, I grew up in London, I came out here a year ago cos I got bored with things at home, you know where I work, I’m 25, my favourite colour is blue, I read, write and draw, I can sing a bit, dance a lot- though not necessarily at the same time and I can drink my full body weight in alcohol. Now I best be getting back to work." Its quick and to the point. "That enough for you?"
"It'll do." I nod. She stands up to leave and I ask her "Isn’t there anything you wanna know about me?"
"Not really. Just your phone number." Taking her cell out her pocket, she hands it to me.
I key in the digits along with my name, and hand it back to her.
"Ok, Monsieur Cool. I'll call you." She leans forward, giving me a light kiss on the cheek. I can see clear down her top, but my eyes are fixed on what looks like a dragon, tattooed on her left tit.
Then she disappears through the crowd had formed in the sort time we had been outside.
***
I didn’t hear from her for a couple of days, and then while I was settling Frankito down to bed one night, I could hear my cell ringing from my bedroom.
Turning the door slightly, I run to my room and pick it up. it’s a number I don’t recognise.
“Y’ello?”
“Blue.” I hear a sexy voice then a giggle.
“Nat?” I ask. I hadn’t been waiting for her call. Nope. Not me. No way, no how. Ok, so I’ve been staring at the damned thing willing it to ring since I last saw her, but I was playing it cool, now.
“Tre.” She says after a pause. “How are you?” I can hear music in the background.
“Yeah, pretty good. So…to what do I owe the pleasure of this call?” Is it me, or this conversation gonna be in questions the whole time?
“Well I am requesting the pleasure of your company at the Black Jack Bar, tonight. I’ll be there from 11. See you there or not. Your call.” Before I could reply, she hung up.
What was with this girl? It’s like she was playing games. First she didn’t want to know, and now she’s propositioning me. I liked games, especially those with handcuffs and whipped cream. But I’m her bitch, man. Bill and Mike were right- its not even been 3 fucking days and I’m pussy whipped. But I like it.
I had some time to kill before getting ready so I switched on the Xbox to cure my nerves. After about an hour of playing Halo 2, I walked to the closet and pulled out some black dress pants and a black shirt. Rummaging around the drawers, I found my black and white striped tie and I would wear my white Tuks. I had time to re-apply some black nail varnish and then I jumped in the shower.
As I was getting dressed, I switched on the stereo and the song ‘My Humps’ was playing, next thing you know, I’m singing and dancing to it. Fuck knows why, so I stopped.
Tre, are you a fucking woman? Get butch, man!
“Grrrr! I’m a tiger!” I say to myself, flexing my biceps in the mirror.
I turned the radio off, buttoned my shirt, fixed my tie and went about creating the masterpiece that was my hair. After ensuring that it was beyond any height restriction known to man, and finishing with a touch of eyeliner then some cologne, I was done.
Black Jack Bar was a place that played everything. From Hip Hop to Emo. Me and the guys had been here a few times, and it was cool enough. The music was loud, the room was smoky.
Edging my way through the crowd, I found a spot bang in the middle of everything and still near the bar. Ordering a Jack Daniels and Coke, I did a brief visual sweep of the room to see if I could find her.
“Ok, y’all. I’m gonna ask that Naughty Nat and Marvellous Max come up here and show you guys how this shit is done!”
I look up to the DJ booth and see Nat talking to some people, in what was the V.I.P lounge. She turned to some chick in a Black Jack shirt and laughed before making her way to one set of stairs and her friend to the stairs on the other side.
The music starts and the strobe lights flash. There’s some heavy Tom-Toms going and the girls make their way downstairs, dancing like the living dead and taking centre stage.
The music kicks in fully and I realise I know the song and the dance.
…Ramalama Bang Bang…
The girls are swaying side by side, shoulders hunched over in the middle of a little two-step.
…Crash Bang, Bing Bang…
Yeah… Its that dance from that show- So You Think You Can Dance. Ramona had it on and I caught a bit of it. I remember thinking it was catchy.
…Dong Dong, Da Dong…
Nat fumbles her steps and stops dancing, laughing uncontrollably and Max starts laughing too. She looks fuckin‘ hot...Nat, I mean. She’s wearing these ripped jeans, tucked into black knee length, high-heeled boots and a black corset that pushes those ample lady lumps up to perfection. Her make up is immaculate- all smokey eyes with a hint of glitter in the corners and red glossy lips. Around her neck is a chain with Stones logo that nestled right between her boobs. Wow.
The crowd are going fucking wild man, but Nat’s oblivious, walking towards the edge of the stage. She crouches down and I can see Incredible Hulk, sorry, Yoshie, scooping her up and placing her on the ground. After kissing him on the cheek, she stops as if she forgot something. Turning to the DJ, she gives him a thumbs up. She has this weird smile on her perfect face.
* * *
[Song - Ramalama (Bang Bang) By Roisin Murphy]
I mean, when I saw her outside Rudy's she caught my eye, but when she started speaking, I was hooked. She didn’t give much away then, it was her tattoos and that body, man- how she carried herself.
I've never seen a chick like this before and I’ve seen a fair few ladies over the years. She was dark skinned, the colour of chocolate, nice full lips and a rack like you wouldn’t believe. As she had turned to walk away, I checked out her ass. It was one of those that wouldn’t quit. To quote Sir Mix-A-Lot, 'Baby Got Back!'
I got as good as I gave, from her. Like she didn’t give a rat’s ass that I was famous. And she was English. Her accent made my toes curl. Jeez, I sound so ghey.
I caught the name of a shop on her shirt and I knew instantly where it was, so I decided to go down and find out more.
"Ok, so I’m guessing you wanna take me out- wine, dine and fuck me from behind, right?" She licked her lips and a hint of a tongue ring gleamed at me. I was shocked at what she said. My breath caught in my throat and I coughed a little, but it was a nice shock. I was also thinking about what it would be like to kiss her, so to distract myself, I started drumming 'St. Jimmy' on the table.
"Yeah, why not. But let me get to know you first." Was all I could think of to say.
"Ok, what do you wanna know?" She asked, sounding bored. Even though she was wearing her shades, it was clear she was rolling her eyes.
"Anything your willing to share, M'lady."
"Right, well. My name is Natalie, but I prefer people to call me Nat. I’m a Scorpio, I grew up in London, I came out here a year ago cos I got bored with things at home, you know where I work, I’m 25, my favourite colour is blue, I read, write and draw, I can sing a bit, dance a lot- though not necessarily at the same time and I can drink my full body weight in alcohol. Now I best be getting back to work." Its quick and to the point. "That enough for you?"
"It'll do." I nod. She stands up to leave and I ask her "Isn’t there anything you wanna know about me?"
"Not really. Just your phone number." Taking her cell out her pocket, she hands it to me.
I key in the digits along with my name, and hand it back to her.
"Ok, Monsieur Cool. I'll call you." She leans forward, giving me a light kiss on the cheek. I can see clear down her top, but my eyes are fixed on what looks like a dragon, tattooed on her left tit.
Then she disappears through the crowd had formed in the sort time we had been outside.
***
I didn’t hear from her for a couple of days, and then while I was settling Frankito down to bed one night, I could hear my cell ringing from my bedroom.
Turning the door slightly, I run to my room and pick it up. it’s a number I don’t recognise.
“Y’ello?”
“Blue.” I hear a sexy voice then a giggle.
“Nat?” I ask. I hadn’t been waiting for her call. Nope. Not me. No way, no how. Ok, so I’ve been staring at the damned thing willing it to ring since I last saw her, but I was playing it cool, now.
“Tre.” She says after a pause. “How are you?” I can hear music in the background.
“Yeah, pretty good. So…to what do I owe the pleasure of this call?” Is it me, or this conversation gonna be in questions the whole time?
“Well I am requesting the pleasure of your company at the Black Jack Bar, tonight. I’ll be there from 11. See you there or not. Your call.” Before I could reply, she hung up.
What was with this girl? It’s like she was playing games. First she didn’t want to know, and now she’s propositioning me. I liked games, especially those with handcuffs and whipped cream. But I’m her bitch, man. Bill and Mike were right- its not even been 3 fucking days and I’m pussy whipped. But I like it.
I had some time to kill before getting ready so I switched on the Xbox to cure my nerves. After about an hour of playing Halo 2, I walked to the closet and pulled out some black dress pants and a black shirt. Rummaging around the drawers, I found my black and white striped tie and I would wear my white Tuks. I had time to re-apply some black nail varnish and then I jumped in the shower.
As I was getting dressed, I switched on the stereo and the song ‘My Humps’ was playing, next thing you know, I’m singing and dancing to it. Fuck knows why, so I stopped.
Tre, are you a fucking woman? Get butch, man!
“Grrrr! I’m a tiger!” I say to myself, flexing my biceps in the mirror.
I turned the radio off, buttoned my shirt, fixed my tie and went about creating the masterpiece that was my hair. After ensuring that it was beyond any height restriction known to man, and finishing with a touch of eyeliner then some cologne, I was done.
Black Jack Bar was a place that played everything. From Hip Hop to Emo. Me and the guys had been here a few times, and it was cool enough. The music was loud, the room was smoky.
Edging my way through the crowd, I found a spot bang in the middle of everything and still near the bar. Ordering a Jack Daniels and Coke, I did a brief visual sweep of the room to see if I could find her.
“Ok, y’all. I’m gonna ask that Naughty Nat and Marvellous Max come up here and show you guys how this shit is done!”
I look up to the DJ booth and see Nat talking to some people, in what was the V.I.P lounge. She turned to some chick in a Black Jack shirt and laughed before making her way to one set of stairs and her friend to the stairs on the other side.
The music starts and the strobe lights flash. There’s some heavy Tom-Toms going and the girls make their way downstairs, dancing like the living dead and taking centre stage.
The music kicks in fully and I realise I know the song and the dance.
…Ramalama Bang Bang…
The girls are swaying side by side, shoulders hunched over in the middle of a little two-step.
…Crash Bang, Bing Bang…
Yeah… Its that dance from that show- So You Think You Can Dance. Ramona had it on and I caught a bit of it. I remember thinking it was catchy.
…Dong Dong, Da Dong…
Nat fumbles her steps and stops dancing, laughing uncontrollably and Max starts laughing too. She looks fuckin‘ hot...Nat, I mean. She’s wearing these ripped jeans, tucked into black knee length, high-heeled boots and a black corset that pushes those ample lady lumps up to perfection. Her make up is immaculate- all smokey eyes with a hint of glitter in the corners and red glossy lips. Around her neck is a chain with Stones logo that nestled right between her boobs. Wow.
The crowd are going fucking wild man, but Nat’s oblivious, walking towards the edge of the stage. She crouches down and I can see Incredible Hulk, sorry, Yoshie, scooping her up and placing her on the ground. After kissing him on the cheek, she stops as if she forgot something. Turning to the DJ, she gives him a thumbs up. She has this weird smile on her perfect face.
* * *
[Song - Ramalama (Bang Bang) By Roisin Murphy]