Sandcastles

Had there ever actually been an us?

I couldn’t help but run that question through my mind as I ran the entire way back to the resort. I finally came to a stop as I reached the lobby, panting slightly. In a way, I felt bad. I shouldn’t have run away, but I was scared. Jonathan saying he wanted there to be an “us” again scared me. Before I could manage to get myself any farther into the hotel, I felt someone run straight into my back, knocking me face first onto the ground.

“Get…Get off!” I yelled, not liking the feeling of being pinned to the ground. When I managed to roll myself over after this person lifted off of me enough to allow me to move, I was a bit angry to see Jonny looking down at me.

“Will you stop running away from me?!” He looked angry. “We need to get this worked out.”

“I don’t want to. Don’t you get that?! I can’t face this right now.”

“Well, you’re going to.”

As he stood up, he pulled me up with him. I didn’t even have time to steady myself before I was tossed over his shoulder and carried towards the elevators.

“Put me the hell down!” I shouted, knowing good and well that I was causing a scene that neither of us really wanted. No matter how much I pounded on his back or tried to wiggle from his grip, Jonny kept a firm arm around me. When we reached my room, he put me down and unlocked the door.

“How the hell do you have a key to my room?!” I shouted, as the door shut behind us.

“Sara,” he said simply before putting me onto the bed. Jonathan must have expected me to make a run for it, but I didn’t. Instead, I pulled my legs up to my chest defensively and just sat there, bitter and annoyed.

He stood in front of the door until he realized that I wasn’t going to try and go anywhere. That was when he took a seat next to me. I couldn’t bear to look at him. Instead, my eyes focused on the floor.

“You run really fast,” he stated.

I couldn’t help but hold back a laugh that came out as a bit of a snort. “I used to be on my high school’s track team. And I still run when I can.”

“Most of the time away from me.”

“I run the farthest from the things that hurt me,” I spewed before I could stop the words from escaping my lips.

I noticed him shift on the bed so he was now looking right at me. Placing his hands on my shoulders, he forced me to turn myself and face him. Again, that stupid hand of his rested under my chin, forcing me to look him in the eye. I was getting sick of this little game.

“I never want to hurt you again.”

“That doesn’t change that you hurt me in the past,” I retorted.

I wasn’t expecting his next move. The moment his lips pressed against mine, I felt myself try to pull away. I didn’t want to kiss him…or did I? It didn’t matter how hard I tried to pull back, Jonny’s hand had slid from my chin to the back of my head, and he was holding me firmly in place. Finally, I gave in. I had fought him as much as I could for a day. It was time to just give up.

When he finally pulled away, I felt myself wanting more. That shouldn’t have been the case, but I had been missing the taste of his lips. I missed the comfort that he gave to me when I was around him. My eyes watched his closely as his forehead met mine.

“I know it doesn’t change the past,” he began, his words soft. I could feel his hand working through my hair slowly. “But I can prevent it from happening in the future.”

How do you say no to that? Closing my eyes softly, I pushed myself closer into him. I felt his arms wrap tightly around me as we both shifted. When we had finally stopped moving, I found myself snuggled against his chest, tears falling silently. Jonny sat against the headboard, arms wrapped tightly around my shoulders.

-x-

We must have fallen asleep that way, considering the next thing I remember was being rudely awakened by my so called best friend.

“Oh my god! All you ever do is sleep! Get your fucking ass out of bed! We’re going to be late?!”

With that, I got a pillow to the face and shot up. Jonny was already in the process of getting up and heading out the door before I could say a word to him. As I opened my mouth, he was gone and Sara was looking at me like I had just committed murder.

“Oh god. What?” I said, standing up and searching for the dress I had to wear to our dinner tonight.

“You forgave him?” She questioned, taking a seat on the bed and staring at me as I rummaged through my things.

“No. Erm… I… Yes… Fuck. I don’t know.” In all honesty, I didn’t. Part of me thought I had. I knew that I could put everything behind us, but how did that make me look? Pathetic? Like some girl who couldn’t do better? But the other part of me knew more than anything that it was just a mistake. I wanted to forgive him, but the question was, could I?

“Well you were asleep on his chest,” Sara pointed out as I walked into the bathroom to change. I didn’t bother to close the door, knowing she wouldn’t be moving from her spot on the bed to spy on me or anything.

“I know,” I muttered, tossing off the clothes I had on.

“And he looked happy. Why was he happy? His ass is supposed to be fucking miserable,” Sara stated.

Sighing, I pulled the dress on and turned my head around the corner. “But why? We all make mistakes, Sara.”

“You’re right, we do! But it hasn’t even been a day and you forgive him?”

“I never said I did! I just needed one last moment of comfort. Is that so terrible?”

Thank god she didn’t attack my statement. It was the truth. I needed that comfort. Even if I didn’t forgive Jonny right away, I needed to know that he was going to be there for me. Holding me was a sense of reassurance that I didn’t get a lot of the time from many people.

“No,” Sara finally admitting. I knew good and well that she hated being wrong. “Bailey, just…don’t let him hurt you again. If you forgive him now, you’re telling him that what he did was okay.”

“It’s not okay, Sara. I know that,” I sighed, stepping out of the bathroom and pulling on a pair of heels. “He knows it’s not okay. He’s apologized to me more times than I can even begin to count today. Besides, tonight isn’t about me and Toews. It’s about you and Kaner and if you don’t get your skinny ass out that door right this second, missy, you’re going to be late for your own dinner.”