Status: working on the remaing chapters for this contest~
Dear Diary
Three.
Today is Sunday, January 19th 2011 and it is currently 9:04 in the morning.
Feeling: Scared, overwhelmed, sleep-deprived
Currently listening to: Tell Me Why by Taylor Swift
Currently eating/drinking: Nothing, I refuse to satisfy my needs at this moment.
Maybe you’re asking yourself why up there in my list of feelings I put that I was feeling sleep-deprived. Well, I haven’t been to sleep. I woke up on Friday the 17th at 11:00am. To make the easiest estimate, I’ve been awake for at least 46 hours straight. If it wasn’t for my worrying for my dear Brayden and the fact that I took my medicine that makes me speed I would be passed out still sleeping until like 4 in the afternoon. I’m so fucking lazy.
But, anyways… Brayden didn’t text me until 9:14 last night.
Don’t get me wrong or anything, I love the feeling I get whenever he texts me, makes me smile and I was so relived that his surgery went okay! Because well, it had to because he’s out of the hospital and back at home where he left his phone, right? Right.
But, anyway, don’t get me wrong or anything, but it’s just the things he said that bugged me bad. It made me into the big baby I actually am. And he doesn’t even care…
He sent me a text saying “Ily2.” Uh oh… well, I texted him back saying “you’re alright <3” and immediately he texted me back saying “night.” so, I replied to his text with “oh okay/: I love you…” and he never replied, so I retested him saying “I love you Brayden <3 I’m really happy that you’re okay. Hope you’re feeling well!” and after a couple minutes he texted back with “Ty.” You know, the stupid fucking abbreviation for Thank you. But, being the worried girlfriend that I am I said “What’s wrong Brayden?” and you know what that little bitch texted back saying?
”Go away. Bye.”
Like, are you fucking kidding me? What the hell did I do to you? I know I wasn’t awake whenever I said I would be but I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I’m sorry. Like, why does this make me feel like the shittest person in this whole entire world? As if I’m the bad guy, like I’m the one that deserves to be ignored.
NO.
I’m fucking not!
You’re not the one who picks me over your friends just so that you can talk to them before you go to sleep. I fucking am.
You’re not the one who does every single little thing in your power to make me smile. I fucking am.
You’re not the one who deals with a significant other that can’t trust you and thinks you’re going to cheat on them or break up with you for another person. I fucking am.
You’re not the one who honestly tries in this relationship. I fucking am.
After I read that text message, I just kind of stared at it. I was confused. I texted him back saying “What the fuck? /:”
No reply.
Our of curiosity I texted him saying “What did I do wrong Brayden?”
No reply.
I texted him again saying “I guess we’re not going to talk tonight. I love you, talk to you whenever.”
No reply.
Then using the rest of the courage I had left in me from being ignored and rejected so many times before, I texted him once again saying “Why is it that I’m actually expecting a text from you? I don’t even know. I just keep thinking that I’m going to get a text from you that says “Marie, I love you, and I miss you <3” maybe it’s because I miss you so much and I want everything to be okay so badly. Heh, who am I kidding? If you wanted to talk to me, you would’ve been texted me by now. I love you Brayden, don’t you ever forget that… “
Still, no reply.
I have no idea what’s wrong. I don’t know what I did to make him so angry at me. I don’t know what he saw, or heard, or anything… but I know there’s something wrong. Something must of having while I was sleeping whenever the phone kept hanging up… What is it that happen? Oh god, this is going to fucking make me go insane.
Diary, if you were a person, what would you tell me?
Right. You can’t speak back to me because you’re only a stupid, dumb, old, ugly book that makes me get out everything inside of me that I could never say out loud to another person. In real life I’m this shy little girl that lets everyone walk all over her and take advantage of her kindness. In real life, I’m a whole different Marie Lynda Welding.
Well at least I have you Diary, to keep everyone of my secrets and the thoughts I have about things that happen. You make me feel like my words actually mean something.
But Brayden… He’s slowly making me go crazy. In the bad way.
Until the next time I decide to be a big baby,
Marie Lynda Welding
Feeling: Scared, overwhelmed, sleep-deprived
Currently listening to: Tell Me Why by Taylor Swift
Currently eating/drinking: Nothing, I refuse to satisfy my needs at this moment.
Maybe you’re asking yourself why up there in my list of feelings I put that I was feeling sleep-deprived. Well, I haven’t been to sleep. I woke up on Friday the 17th at 11:00am. To make the easiest estimate, I’ve been awake for at least 46 hours straight. If it wasn’t for my worrying for my dear Brayden and the fact that I took my medicine that makes me speed I would be passed out still sleeping until like 4 in the afternoon. I’m so fucking lazy.
But, anyways… Brayden didn’t text me until 9:14 last night.
Don’t get me wrong or anything, I love the feeling I get whenever he texts me, makes me smile and I was so relived that his surgery went okay! Because well, it had to because he’s out of the hospital and back at home where he left his phone, right? Right.
But, anyway, don’t get me wrong or anything, but it’s just the things he said that bugged me bad. It made me into the big baby I actually am. And he doesn’t even care…
He sent me a text saying “Ily2.” Uh oh… well, I texted him back saying “you’re alright <3” and immediately he texted me back saying “night.” so, I replied to his text with “oh okay/: I love you…” and he never replied, so I retested him saying “I love you Brayden <3 I’m really happy that you’re okay. Hope you’re feeling well!” and after a couple minutes he texted back with “Ty.” You know, the stupid fucking abbreviation for Thank you. But, being the worried girlfriend that I am I said “What’s wrong Brayden?” and you know what that little bitch texted back saying?
”Go away. Bye.”
Like, are you fucking kidding me? What the hell did I do to you? I know I wasn’t awake whenever I said I would be but I couldn’t keep my eyes open. I’m sorry. Like, why does this make me feel like the shittest person in this whole entire world? As if I’m the bad guy, like I’m the one that deserves to be ignored.
NO.
I’m fucking not!
You’re not the one who picks me over your friends just so that you can talk to them before you go to sleep. I fucking am.
You’re not the one who does every single little thing in your power to make me smile. I fucking am.
You’re not the one who deals with a significant other that can’t trust you and thinks you’re going to cheat on them or break up with you for another person. I fucking am.
You’re not the one who honestly tries in this relationship. I fucking am.
After I read that text message, I just kind of stared at it. I was confused. I texted him back saying “What the fuck? /:”
No reply.
Our of curiosity I texted him saying “What did I do wrong Brayden?”
No reply.
I texted him again saying “I guess we’re not going to talk tonight. I love you, talk to you whenever.”
No reply.
Then using the rest of the courage I had left in me from being ignored and rejected so many times before, I texted him once again saying “Why is it that I’m actually expecting a text from you? I don’t even know. I just keep thinking that I’m going to get a text from you that says “Marie, I love you, and I miss you <3” maybe it’s because I miss you so much and I want everything to be okay so badly. Heh, who am I kidding? If you wanted to talk to me, you would’ve been texted me by now. I love you Brayden, don’t you ever forget that… “
Still, no reply.
I have no idea what’s wrong. I don’t know what I did to make him so angry at me. I don’t know what he saw, or heard, or anything… but I know there’s something wrong. Something must of having while I was sleeping whenever the phone kept hanging up… What is it that happen? Oh god, this is going to fucking make me go insane.
Diary, if you were a person, what would you tell me?
Right. You can’t speak back to me because you’re only a stupid, dumb, old, ugly book that makes me get out everything inside of me that I could never say out loud to another person. In real life I’m this shy little girl that lets everyone walk all over her and take advantage of her kindness. In real life, I’m a whole different Marie Lynda Welding.
Well at least I have you Diary, to keep everyone of my secrets and the thoughts I have about things that happen. You make me feel like my words actually mean something.
But Brayden… He’s slowly making me go crazy. In the bad way.
Until the next time I decide to be a big baby,
Marie Lynda Welding
♠ ♠ ♠
It's still around the same legth of last chapter but ohwell~who thinks i should make this into an actual story, but just like this? Diary entries? Suggestions?
2 more to go!
comments are love!