Suicidal Memories

Banner By: Kallie

"Caitlyn."
I looked up at him snuggling more in his arms, my back pressed against his chest.
"James", I mocked with a smile.
A slight chuckle escape his lips as he traced kisses up and down my neck and shoulder, causing the hairs on the back of my neck to stand up and butterflies to irupt in my stomach.
"You're beautiful."

I hadn't felt like this in so long. It felt like an eternity since the last time I had smiled this way.
He made me feel safe and secure. Loved.
There was nothing like the feeling of being in his arms, talking sweet nothings or just staring at eachother and exchanging smiles.

Letting out a soft sigh he pressed his lips lightly to mine, "I missed this."
I nodded with a little smile, my eyes closed peacefully, enjoying the soft touch of his skin and his scent.
So peacefully I must have drifted off to sleep...

I woke up to soft caresses and kisses, some time later.
"Baby wake up."
"Noo", I whined, getting a chuckle from him.
"Sweetie your mom's on the phone."

Mumbling I opened my eyes lazily, pushing the covers off my body.
"Hello?" I spoke into the phone, with a yawn in the middle.
"Honey where are you? You were to pick up Aaron at 6.30."
Damn, I mumbled, slaping my forehead.
"Oh my god, mom I'm so sorry. I completely lost track of time."

I can't believe I forgot to go pick up my son. How much of a bad mother am I.

"It's alright Caitlyn. I fed him already. By the way honey, what is James doing there?"
"Can we talk about that later?" I sighed.
"Sure honey. Kisses."
I put the phone down feeling a knot in my stomach.
What the hell?

Just then James' arms slid around my waist making goosebumps spread all over my body.
"What did she wanted?"
"I have to go pick up Aaron."
My head was against his chest as he rocked me softly from side to side.
"Do you want me to go with you?"

For some reason panic spread all over me, making it harder for me to think straight.
Did I wanted him to?
Was I ready to?
I felt my feelings so messed up.

"Baby?"
His eyes locked with mine, as he awaited for an answer.
"James I..."
All the love vanished from his eyes making them cold and icy. Anger was soon showing.
"You never intended to come back to me, did you?"
"It's not that-"
"You were going to keep on like this was nothing weren't you? You were just playing around with me."
Tears dripped down my face, falling even harder when I reached for his hand and he stepped away.
"C'mon James I would never do such thing."
I tried once again to touch him, just to have him grabbing my wristhard and shoving me away, making me fall against my bed, my ribs hitting the side of it.He almost seemed happy to see me in pain.

I wanted to scream at him I love him, that I wanted to have a family with him, a real one, that I couldn't stand losing him again but the look he was giving me was leaving me terrified. That hurt, pained looked. The anger growing more and more by the second giving an insane glint to his eyes.

My voice was small and shaky "I would never want to hurt you like that James. Please hear me out."
He didn't even look at me as he finished putting on his shirt and turned around, making my eyes meet his back.

More tears fell freely as I took conscience of what my heart had been telling me all along. He was the one.

And the one just left me a mess, crying onour my bedroom floor.