Suicidal Memories

“JAMES NO!!” I yelled, panic in my voice as I watched the truck getting closer and closer by the second, still not noticing my son and ex fiance standing in front of it.

Tears ran down my cheeks as I watched James pick Aaron up and run, jumping out of the truck’s way. I was paralyzed with fear.

It felt like a nightmare. I was standing there, watching them, still I couldn’t move; I was glued to my spot in the middle of the sidewalk unable to react.

James launched himself sideways, holding Aaron to his chest as he landed on the black concrete floor some meters away, body rolling a couple of times, then the truck passed by, blocking my view of the two men I loved.

Time seemed to stop.

I ran to them as soon as the truck unblocked the way, falling on my knees in front of them, body convulsing with sobs.

The panic inside me dimmed a little when I noticed my son clinging unto his father’s shirt, eyes opened with tears of fear glowing in them. My arms shot to his sides, pulling him to my chest tight as if reassuring myself he was safe.

“Mommy, why isn’t daddy moving? Did he fall asleep?” He whispered, confusion glowing in his deep blue eyes which were now bloodshot from crying.

Panic reached a whole new level inside of me as I took in what my son was telling me.

“James?” I cried out, shaking his body, waiting for a reaction.

His head dropped to the floor, hair falling over his face, a thin line of blood dripping down his forehead. More tears streamed down my face as I realized he was unconscious, probably from knocking his head on the fall.

“James, please wake up,” I whimpered in a shaky voice through tears, grabbing fists-full of the fabric of his cloth, trying to shake him awake. “Please wake up, please.”

I cried harder laying my head on his shoulder, make up running down my cheeks and tainting his white Jack Daniels shirt when I took in the fact he really wasn’t waking up.

“Mommy?” Aaron called, standing between the two of us. I once again held him tight, feeling him snuggle his face unto my neck.

“It’s okay baby, it’s okay. Daddy will be okay,” I hushed him, hating to have him going through such situation. Or was it myself that I was trying to reassure?

I pulled my cell-phone out of my jeans pocket, hands shaking as I dialed 911. “H-he isn’t waking up. Please help me,” tears didn’t stop pouring. I pulled myself together long enough to give the lady his address, having to repeat it three times because my voice wouldn’t stop cracking.

“They’re going to help daddy, don’t worry baby. They’ll be here in a second,” I cooed in Aaron’s ear, rocking him softly.

My unoccupied hand found its way around James’s much bigger one, fingers lacing between his, fitting so perfectly it hurt.

“Please wake up Jimmy” I whispered, pressing a kiss to his knuckles, letting my lips linger against his skin. “We need you.”