The Trouble of Taboo

Chapter 18
We got back to my place. I steadied Paige the whole way, she looked so pale and fragile. I couldn’t believe I’d let her walk out last night, I should have known something bad would happen. I could see her looking at me with a puzzled look on her face. “What’s up?” I asked her, setting her down on the couch as I went into the kitchen and put the kettle on. Being British the first thing that came to mind with a weak person was that they needed tea. I walked back into the living room and sat beside her.
“Why...” I squeezed her hand in what I hoped was a comforting way. “Why did you go through my things?” she asked, her voice so timid and scared, as if she thought I was going to shout at her for asking something perfectly reasonable. I thought about it for a minute, I hardly remembered taking the things out of her bag, well until I found the piece of writing, that had pulled me in and I instantly regretted letting her leave, but for some reason I still didn’t go and get her, no instead I sat at home and drank lager, the difference between me doing it and Paige doing it was that I’m old enough to and could handle it, also I hadn’t taken a blade to my wrist.
“I don’t know. I guess I was curious. I figured you’d have blades in there, and it didn’t seem like a responsible thing to do, giving them back to you. Then I...” I hesitated, I knew I should tell her, after all I knew how she felt but it sounded so damn corny and weird. “I saw your hairbrush, and just wanted something of you near me, that’s silly I know but I didn’t relish the thought of not sleeping with you.” I blushed slightly and moved on quickly, “The piece of paper I was just being plain nosey and once I realised what it was I wanted to put it down but just couldn’t, my eyes were transfixed to it. Was that what you took out of your book when you first came to stay with me?” I asked her, I could feel my heart racing. I didn’t think it was a good sign for someone to get so entangled already, and I’d always been a firm believer that until you’d spent a good year together, properly together, you couldn’t know if you loved someone for real or if it was just lust, but even my heart seemed to have changed since Paige came into my life, I just didn’t know if it was a good idea letting her get so attached to me.
“Yeah it was. I was just randomly writing, it was the day you were in a bad mood, because of... you know stuff I did. I’d finished my work and didn’t want to tell you, and I thought you hated me and didn’t care so I didn’t really want to look at you.” She smiled sheepishly, and I squeezed her hand again smiling a little bit, while my heart broke a little bit. I couldn’t believe that she ever thought I didn’t care about her, I shouldn’t care about her and I could lose everything I’ve spent my life working for by caring for her, but I couldn’t help but deeply care about her and her wellbeing. “Well anyway, I wrote down what was in my head, I didn’t think about what I was writing, I just wrote it down. I needed an outlet, and you know I don’t talk to people about my feelings so I wrote it. It was never intended to be seen, and if it’d been in any other classroom it could have caused problems, but I forgot you were taking the books in. Then I meant to take it back after class, but then you kissed me and I completely forgot about it, I forget about everything that wasn’t to do with you.” She finished, her cheeks had turned a rosy red colour and made her even more adorable than before. I smiled at her, bringing her eyes to look into mine and then kissed her, and kissed her hard. I’d missed her so much last night I needed her, needed to touch her, to commit everything about her to memory.
I knew I was getting carried away, but I couldn’t stop myself, I didn’t want to stop myself. I wanted to show her how much I cared, maybe even loved her? She was my world and when I was kissing her it felt like we were the only two people in the world. I wanted her. I wanted her in a way a man my age shouldn’t want a teenage girl, but she hardly ever acted like a teenage girl and she’d be a fully fledged adult in two years. I wasn’t sure I could last that long. I kept kissing her, pulling her closer and closer to me, I wanted every part of us to be touching one another. I didn’t think the police coming in, or a bomb hitting us, or anything in the world could stop me kissing her. I entwined one of my hands with hers, the other snaking around her waist and pulling her closer so that she was sat on my lap, and I felt my body go mad with the feeling of her sat there. For once I actually thought it would be better if she was wearing a skirt, and I moved my hand up her leg as if she were, pretending in my mind that I was feeling her leg, not her jeans. I moaned slightly when she shifted, she’d turned herself around so her legs were around my waist, and I knew if she came any closer she’d be feeling how excited I was, as it was she occasionally came close and I could feel her jeans slightly brushing against me. I tried to suppress my moans, not wanting to scare her off, but as she buried her free hand into my hair and moved a little bit closer to me I couldn’t help but moan. I needed her, it was so wrong but I needed her. I took my lips from hers and felt her frown, she thought I was stopping this, but instead I attacked her neck. First I licked it teasingly and she bent her head back moaning slightly and even through the baggy t-shirt she had on I could see her breasts pushing their way towards me as her hips connected with mine. I almost bucked as her hips pressed against mine, but managed somehow to contain myself. I latched my lips to her neck and sucked on it, her head coming forward and leaning on my shoulder as she moaned again, I could feel her breath on my neck and it just worked me up even more. The fact that I was turning her on, was a huge turn on to me and I bit her neck, a bit harder than I’d meant to but she audibly moaned as I did, all I could her in my state of ecstasy was her whispering in my ear “God Neil. Yes Neil.” Each whisper urging me on.
Something clicked in my brain that I should stop, that this was wrong, especially after what had happened to Paige yesterday at home, but my brain wasn’t at all connected to my body at this point. I knew I wasn’t going to have sex with her, not tonight, but that didn’t mean I couldn’t pleasure her in other ways. That I couldn’t show her how much I cared in other ways. To do this I decided we needed to be upstairs, where passing neighbours couldn’t see into. “keep your legs wrapped tight around me.” I whispered into her ear, before licking the outside of it, and feeling shivers coursing through her body, which then went through our connected hips and into me. I kept kissing her neck as I stood us up, making sure I had a firm grip on her, one hand on her back the other gently cupping her arse, it felt so great and no part of me was regretting this decision, I was fully in control, I wasn’t going to do anything serious, just play around with her and show her the true definition of a good time...