The Kind Of Reckless

Bags packed, plane ticket in hand, the car and everyone in it waits for me to walk out of my house. But my heart is stuck in the walkway between the living room and the front door.
Kendall and Big Time Rush had already left. They had a flight the day before because they wanted to go and see the sights for a day, this being their first time in Europe.
I have to ride in the car with Justin and his family.
I have a feeling that he knows that Kendall and I are “dating” just to get back at him. That I don’t really love Kendall.
But…
I sling my bag over my shoulder and sigh. This would be a long flight.
I lock the door behind me with shaky hands, dropping my keys when I pull them out of the door handle.
“Shit.” I mutter, picking them up and turning to face the car waiting for me.
The trunk opens and I put my suitcases in the back, trying to hurry without knocking them all out or anything.
Kenny gets out and comes to the back, giving me a soft smile before helping me with the bags.
“Thanks.” I mumble, walking around to the passenger side of the car and getting in the back.
Justin sits in the very back, next to the only empty seat and I nervously crawl in beside him. He offers me a smile, but I just turn my head and look out the window.
The ride to the airport is silent. I ignore Justin’s glances at me, his hand touching mine. I ignore everything he does.
But I can’t ignore him for long.
We board the plane an hour later, everything ready and set to go.
I sat next to a window, the row to myself. The flight had no one other than crew and important people needed right away for when we arrived.
We take off about twenty minutes after that. I put headphones in, and watch as the clouds pass by. I really want to reach out and touch one, but I know that’s a childish thought. Clouds are just gas. They’re not real.
A hand is placed on my left thigh.
Justin.
I turn to face him and see he’s smiling.
“Justin…” I whisper.
Justin’s smile fades and he takes his hand from my lap.
I pull the ear buds out and set my hands in my lap.
“Can you just…give me some time? To get used to this again?”
“This doesn’t mean we can’t still talk. Have our deep conversations like before.”
“No, but it does mean that we can’t do this,” I touch his upper thigh. “Or anything similar. I can’t…Be around you, and get over this at the same time. Because being around you means that I have to be constantly reminded that you’re with Selena now.”
“But not really.”
“Except completely. Justin…You and I…we’re something special. And nothing can change my mind about that. But we both screwed up. We just have to face the facts. Maybe we’re not meant to be together. Maybe this was just setting us up for the rest of our lives. Maybe—“
Justin pulls my face to his, kissing me full on the lips. I have to fight every muscle in my body from kissing him back. From reaching my hands up and pulling him closer.
He pulls away and smiles at me. His brown eyes light up as they look into mine as I fight to keep my expression grim.
“Now, you can’t tell me that you don’t still feel anything.”
Of course I felt something, you idiot. The fireworks still went off in my head. The butterflies still fly around my stomach. The bells still rang in my ears.
“I feel nothing.”