You be the anchor that keeps my feet on the ground

Now that I'm 19, I finally let go of all the misery in my life. I started a whole new chapter in this book called life. I will never give up on my dreams, and so should you.

I don't know why I'm staring at my mirror. Looking at myself like this makes me feel like something's missing. I have no reason to say that but it's what I feel right now.

Something's missing.

I heard a knock on the door and reality came back to me. I haven't even picked out what to wear tonight.

"Yeah? Who's there?" I yelled out.

"Tammy! Mom's calling us to go down stairs, lunch is ready" Shane called out.

"I'll be there in a few minutes, wait." I replied.

"Why do you always have to be so slow?" Shane said with a teasing tone.

"Whatever shane, I'm not slow, you are. Now go down before she yells at the both of us" I told him.

I picked out my black fitted tank top and got my wore it with my leggings. I finished it off with a sleek white blazer and my black suede heels I got yesterday. I think I'm all set.
I went down quickly so that mom wouldn't have to yell at me to come down. I arrived at the dining table with all eyes on me.

"My, my you look very beautiful today Tammy" Mom said.

"Thanks mom" giving her a smile while sitting in between John and Shane.

"You better watch out for boys Tams, I don't want to let my baby sister be mugged by perverted men" Ross said.

"I can protect myself from any danger, but thank you Ross" I said.

We all finsihed the meal and ate the pie mom decided to make.

"Where are you going anyways?" Shane asked me.

"Well, I have a slide due on monday and I have to take shots for it. I couldn't do it tomorrow because of the wedding so John said He'd take me to the meadows tonight."

"But I thought John was going to a party tonight? That's why he's been so zoned out the whole lunch time he's planning to get laid tonight" Shane said

"What the actual fuck?" I looked over at John who had a giddy giddy face on while texting.

"Uh-oh" Shane replied.

"John Cornelius O'callaghan the fifth, Didn't you promise me you'd take me to the meadows tonight for my, no OUR project due on Monday?!" I yelled at him.

"Yeah but I thought I'd just bring you to this party with me besides our slides our due on monday" John said.

"We have no time to do the slides tomorrow you idiot. We have a wedding to go to? Remember that? Or are you skipping that as well for a party?" I told him

"Whatever, I'm going to the meadows by myself, goodluck taking shots for your project due on monday without my help. You'll need it." I added

"Come on Tams I'm sure John can skip the party so that the both of you could have good grades in your report card next week, am I right John Cornelius?" Dad said. Thank God he's there.

"Fine, whatever. I'd drive you." John replied. I rolled my eyes at him and stuck my tounge out. He just laughed at me clearly amused by my attitude.

Sometimes I don't get why John has to be so happy-go-lucky. It's annoying yet attractive. Wait what?

I went back upstairs to get my camera. I've been looking forward to take pictures in the meadow the whole week. John and I used to go there every single night last summer and we'd star gaze and take a lot of interesting shots. We created all our fun memories on that place.

But ever since he's been in a band, we never got to hang out that much anymore. That's why when he told me he'd come with me, I got more excited than I was before.
For some reason he took photography class with me. We bought our cameras on the same day. I don't know why he took photography but I was glad that he did.

For me, photographs are very special. Photographs are memories that last forever. The best thing about it is that it never changes even if the people in it do. My favorite photograph is the first ever photograph I took. It was Aunt Tessie. With her golden locks and her rosey cheeks. She was the prettiest woman I've ever seen. She was my inspiration, She still is.

Remember when she gave me three boxes before she passed away? Well for some point I've only managed to open one box. The first time I read the diary I saw Aunt Tessie's message for me. It was her will. All her possessions was left to me. And inside that first box was a photograph. My parent's only photo. They looked happy. I could see the way they looked at each other, with so much.. love.

I hope that someday I could find true love like that. There was another box inside the huge box, but the diary said I couldn't open it yet till the time was right. So I managed to be patient.

I heard a knock on the door and a voice call out. It was John.

"Tams are you ready? Let's go" John said

"Yeah just getting my camera, I'm all set" I replied

"Well, okay I'll wait in the car." John said then I heard footsteps going down.

I grabbed the camera and went straight downstairs. I kissed my mom and dad goodbye and told them to call me if anything goes wrong. They said that they're happy to have a daughter like me even though I'm not their own. I hugged them tight and they both gave my forehead a kiss.

"I'm all set, I'm so excited to go back it's been such a long time ever since we've been to the meadow" I told him

"Yeah uhm about that" John said but I didn't mind him because I saw him miss the turn going to the meadow.

"John you missed a turn, go back" I told him panicking.

"Don't panick I found a short cut" He replied with a smirk on his face.

"What short cut?" I asked him with my eyes searching the streets of Arizona. Why does it feel like this isn't the way to the meadow? It's more like we're on our way to Jared's.

"John this isn't the way to the meadow!" I yelled at him

"I know that, I just thought we'd drop by the party first before we go there" He replied. I have never been so angry with him my whole life. Even that time when he forgot to pick me up in school because he was too busy hitting on a girl.

I can't believe he's doing this to me. I thought this was the time we were supposed to hang out and bond together like we did before, but instead all his thoughts are about getting laid tonight. He doesn't know how much pain his actions are making me feel right now. I was silent the whole ride and all he could do was smile at his phone.

Give it up to John o'callaghan to drive while texting. If I die early I'm killing him first.

"Would you stop texting John?! I don't wanna fucking die early." I said with a pissed voice.

"Chill Tams, I'm just excited for tonight. I've been planning about this all week" He replied.

So was I you jerk.

"Not that I give a shit, but who's the hell is that you're texting with?" I asked him with an annoyed tone.

"This girl named Ashley, she's blonde too. Why are you jealous?" He asked with a smirk.

"Why would I be jealous? I may be a blonde but at least I'm not the kind of dumb blondes you stoop down so low to. I actually have a standard as a matter of fact." I told him.

"Why are you so cranky Tammy Whammy? Please be nice to her, it's the first time I'm meeting her and she's 21 so I have to be smooth" He told me.

"Wow John, you're the only 20 year old guy I know who picks up 21 year old dumb blondes, way to go bro!" I told him sarcastically with a laugh.

"Whatever. Hey put your blazer back on" He demanded me as I took it out. Leaving me only with my tight fitted tank top and leggings. It was much better for parties without the blazer.

"Why would I? we're going to a party aren't we? Well I better dress right." I told him.
"I don't want all the guys in the party to look at you like your some kind of meat. Cover your boobs at least." He replied. I didn't know if I should be flattered or pissed.

"I don't want to wear my blazer and that's final. You're not the boss of me John." I told him.

"Just put the blazer on damn it!" He laughed at me.

"No" I replied with a sarcastic smile.

"Fine then, don't come running after me when all the guys come up to you and hit on you" John said.

"John I'm a girl, and I like boys" I told him. but I lied. I despise men. Filthy little creatures who treat women like they're toys. For example: John.

"No you're my girl. Don't talk to any boys in the party except for Jared and the others. You're mine" He said with a frown.

"Mine" I like the sound of that, but who are we kidding? He'll never love me as much as I do. He'll never know I love him. Ever since the day Aunt Tessie died my love for him never went away. It sticked with me the whole time I was growing up, and he didn't have a single clue. And I'm planning on keeping it that way.