Tiptoe Through the True Bits

The next time I saw Gerard Way was at the divorce hearing. It was very strange, being in a room with him and Jodie and Noah all at the same time. The spouses and the lovers. I quite liked the sound of that. Perhaps that would be my next painting.

“Mr. Way,” the judge said. She was a formidable woman with a stern gaze like she wanted to turn you to stone, “Mrs. Way claims for divorce on the grounds of adultery.” She cast a despairing look at Jodie and she squirmed, which I rather enjoyed. “Do you agree with this claim?”

He whispered something to his lawyer and she whispered something back. He looked deflated. Defeated. “Yes, your honour,” he replied.

“Mrs. Way wants no cut of your assets, and you no cut of hers. Do you both agree with this arrangement?”

“Yes,” we said in unison. My heart broke a little as she banged her gavel. Then we both signed something and we were free to go.

Noah took my hand and led me out of the courthouse. I didn’t feel like speaking to him, or anybody. I just wanted to be alone. He dropped me off at home and I kissed him on the cheek and said I’d call him tomorrow but I just wanted to rest for now.

He nodded and told me he loved me. I just smiled and got out of the car.

Maybe I did love Noah. But we never had the connection that Gerard and I had, before everything fell apart. I don’t know what was different about it but I just never wanted Noah like I wanted Gerard. There wasn’t that passion. I was with him because he was good to me and he made me laugh but he never made me really truly happy like Gerard did. He never understood me like that.

With Gerard, I didn’t even have to speak to him for him to be able to know exactly what I was thinking. He was like the other half of me. We had that something that makes love exceptional.

With Noah, we were comfortable. We fell into routine. But I never thought he was my soulmate. I never made love to him in the rain underneath a tree. I never sang to him.

It had been six months and we were fine. But that’s all we were. Just fine.

Amber was waiting for me when I got home. She was watching Cops in her pyjamas and eating ice cream straight from the tub. I sat down next to her, still in my pant suit, and she handed me a spoon.

“How did it go?” she asked carefully, gauging me for a reaction.

“It was fine,” I shrugged with a sigh, taking a mouthful of Rocky Road. “Jodie was there.”

Amber shook her head and swallowed. “I can’t believe it’s done,” she said. “I always thought you’d end up together again, you know?” She took another mouthful. “I just can’t believe it’s over.”

I let out a breath I didn’t know I’d been holding, and that’s when it hit me. There was a rush of realisation. Everything made sense again. Gerard hurt me bad, but I’d hurt him too. We were both to blame. We were both responsible. We were young and confused and we drove each other crazy but we were the only ones who truly knew how to fix each other. We were both fucked up and weird but we knew how to make each other right again. We were in love, and we always had been, right from the very beginning. It was all so clear to me now.

I didn’t want to be Elise LeBeau again, and I never wanted to be Elise Phillips. I only ever wanted to be Elise Way, forever and always, until the end of everything.

Gerard and I had been through so much and it had ripped us apart but now, as I sat alone on the couch with Amber, and some cops chased some guys, I couldn’t think of a single reason for me not to be with him. Not Noah, or Jodie, or any of the shit we’d done to each other in the past gave me good enough cause to be without him. Nobody is perfect. Not me, or Gerard, or anybody. But I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with Gerard Way. I wanted to fight for him. Because I loved him more than I’d ever loved anybody else and that's just what you do when you love somebody and you have loved them for seven years. You fight for them, even if it has been tough and you are hurting. You fight for them because you need them there with you and you won't be truly happy without them.

I looked at Amber with a sense of clarity, my eyes wide. “I don’t want it to be over,” I said firmly.

She looked up at me with wide eyes and dropped her spoon into the tub along with mine. “What are you saying?”

I stood up. “I’m saying, it’s not over,” I said. “It will never be over.” I grabbed my car keys and ran down the stairs and to my car before anybody could say anything to change my mind.

This was really happening. I was going to take action. I was going to get Gerard back. The old Gerard, who always knew me and loved me and wanted me. It would be hard for us to trust each other again but I knew it would be worth it. We could work through anything, I was sure of it. We could put it all behind us and start again. We could change. I’d do anything just to be together again.

As I drove to New York, the song that was playing on the radio was some old Smiths song called Hand in Glove. Perhaps you’ve heard of it. It goes; Hand in glove, the sun shines out of our behinds. No it’s not like any other love, this one is different because it’s us.

I pulled up outside his house. Corey Farndale had had some trouble finding him when I filed for the divorce but here it was. I’d never seen it before. It was nothing special. Just a small white house in the suburbs, with a sunny yellow door and blue shutters and a Prius on the driveway. I stayed in the car and looked at it for a long time. I wasn’t expecting it. Slowly, I got out of the car. I guess looking at the house just winded me. It was a family home. They had a life together. I stood at the end of the driveway for a long time, deciding what to do. Admit that it’s over, or fight for the man that I love and have always loved, for nearly seven years?

As if I even had a choice.

I rang the doorbell. There was seven excruciating seconds in which I thought he might not answer. But he did. He had changed into his sweatpants and a familiar Iron Maiden t-shirt.

I let out a half-laugh, half-cry, and put my arms around his neck. It took him a second to wrap his arms around my waist. I sobbed for a while. I could hear voices from inside the house. Well, just one voice. Her voice.

Gerard pulled away and cocked his head at me. I guess I wasn’t done crying over him after all.

“I need you, Gee,” I told him quietly, wiping my eyes with the backs of my hands. “I love you. I love you so much.”

He nodded and took my hands. He stared into my eyes for a really long time with this half-smile on his face. “Let’s go somewhere,” he suggested, stepping out onto the porch and shutting the door on Jodie’s voice, calling him from inside. We walked to his car.

“Where are we going?” I asked him as I got into the passenger seat.

He laughed and shook his head. “Where do you think we’re going, Elise?”

I smiled. “Somewhere magical?”

“You got it.”