Forever & Always.

The local mall still held all the same old shops. It really was amazing how little Belleville had changed. It was comforting in a way – that our lives could fall apart but this town would stay constant. Almost as if it was my escape from reality, that every time something when wrong in my life I could just come back to Belleville and start all over.

Frank’s hand was warm as it wrapped around my own. I didn’t even know why he had dragged me out shopping when I had told him over and over again that I didn’t have a lot of money for non-essential things. Really all I wanted to do was hang out in Toni’s house and watch a movie while I moped over the way Gerard had treated me and try to work up the courage to call home and talk to Aiden about the future of our relationship. I didn’t really want to walk aimlessly around a mall all day. But, if it was what Frank wanted then I’d do it. I just wanted to spend time with him; it didn’t really matter where we went.

“Wanna go get some food or something?” Frank suddenly brought my out of my distracted state. He was watching me with curious eyes and I knew he was wondering what I was thinking about, but I also knew that he wouldn’t ask me questions. I loved him for that.

I nodded, “Yeah. Sure.”

One of the many great things about Frank was his vegetarianism. It made eating out so much easier as I didn’t have to worry about going to a place that only served meat. Aiden had never really been accommodating of this lifestyle choice and often ‘forgot’ to prepare a vegetarian meal for me. Being with Frank was comforting as he led me to the ridiculously over-priced restaurant that was also the only vegetarian restaurant in the entire town. I protested wildly, tugging on his arm, but he wouldn’t stop and promised to pay my share. He wanted to ‘treat’ me despite my argument that all he had done since we had been reunited was ‘treat’ me. But, because it seemed to make him happy, I let him drag me into the expensive restaurant and pay for my lunch.



Lunch was done and our empty plates sat on the red table-cloth waiting to be picked up by our waitress who had reminded Frank five times that her name was Amber and that she was ‘glad to do anything of service’ for him before flicking back her dyed bubble-gum pink hair with a flirtatious smile on her clashing scarlet painted lips. His face as she’d walked away each time was priceless, he looked scarred for life. Frankie had never been the most outgoing when it came to talking to the opposite sex and this problem only seemed to have intensified since he had become a rock star in such a famous band. Whenever a girl spoke to him he’d become awkward and blush a violent shade of red whilst stuttering out incoherent answers to the questions they asked. It was quite adorable really.
We sat in a comfortable silence as Amber returned to take our plates and shoot a wink at an embarrassed Frank. As she walked away I could swear I saw her drop a small piece of paper onto his lap and I knew that it would contain her number.

“Frankie’s got a girlfriend,” I said in a sing-song voice, a huge smirk on my face as I watched him blush.

“I do not!” He protested like a child, crossing his arms over his chest and all.

“Mhmm,” I shot a meaningful look at the tall girl with her bright pink hair who was staring intently at our table, a slight glare being aimed at me. It was obvious that she thought Frank and I were together and she was jealous of me. She had no need to be though; Frank’s my best friend, nothing more than that. Though I would never let him go out with a girl who’d so obviously flirt with a guy even when she thought he was dating the girl who was in his company.

“Anyway,” The tattooed man sitting on the other side of the table brought me out of my random thoughts of how to set Frank up with a girl I did like. “I wanted to hang out for a reason other than just to enjoy your amazing company.”

I cocked my head to the side, confused as to what he could mean. Why would he want to hang out otherwise? Mr Frank Iero was acting very odd.

“I guess I just wanted to talk to you about everything that’s been going on in the past few months,” He mumbled shyly. His eyes were focused on his hands that were twisting around one another on the table top. I was mesmerised by their movement and it took me a moment or two before I realised I wasn’t paying attention to Frank anymore.

“Sorry, I spaced,” I shot him a sheepish smile. “Can you repeat what you were saying?”

He shook his head, the right side of his mouth curling up into a small half smile, “Still the same old Ciara anyway.” The tiny smile faded just as quickly as it had appeared as he became serious once more, his pierced lips pulled down into a small frown, “Things have gotten really crazy lately.”

Amber returned to our table and dropped off what I assumed was the bill. I watched with raised eyebrows as she leaned in real close to Frankie as she placed it on the table top, her low cut top showing off her breasts as she told him to come back soon and then sauntered off to scare some other customer. Frank’s eyes were wide as he shook his head as if to try to rid his head of the sight of her boobs falling out of her tight top, an image I was sure was burned into his brain.

“Anyway,” He laughed somewhat awkwardly and rubbed at the back of his neck embarrassedly. “As I was saying…things have been pretty shitty. Gerard’s girlfriend, Deana, broke up with him just before our tour started and since then he’s been a mess. He won’t stop drinking C, and I think he’s been snorting a lot of cocaine, but I’m not sure.” His hazel eyes glistened and I could see that this was killing him. Gerard’s behaviour was destroying everyone around him, especially Frank. “Ray’s getting nearly as bad. He goes out drinking nearly every night and I’m scared he’s gonna start abusing drugs soon. Mikey’s suffering, he’s been real down and doesn’t hang out with the rest of us much,” Frank looked me right in the eye and shook his head. “I think he’s suffering from depression. And Bob, well I don’t know what’s going on with Bob anymore. He’s just so…apathetic. It’s like he’s made himself oblivious to what goes on around him so that he doesn’t have to face it.”

He started fiddling with the end of his right hand hoody sleeve and I noticed how bitten his nails were. They were bitten right down to the top of his fingers and the skin surrounding them looked raw red. I knew Frank well enough to know his habits and he only bit his nails when he was stressed or sad. Trying to look after all his band mates was destroying him.

“Frankie, baby, how have you been coping with all of this?” I asked him softly, my hand reaching out and taking his across the table, hoping it would comfort him in some way.

He shrugged and avoided my eyes. “I…I dunno,” His free hand came up to rub his face as he let out a huge sigh. “I guess I’m scared. I wish I could just have my old best friends back y’know? I miss them.”

Frank looked close to a breakdown and I could feel the eyes of the other customers on us. I didn’t think it’d be good for My Chemical Romance’s reputation if their rhythm guitarist was spotted having an emotional breakdown in a restaurant with a seemingly random girl. So I decided it was time to leave. I withdrew my hand from Frank’s grip as I got to my feet. Catching on quickly to my thought process he too stood, throwing money down on top of the bill, more than enough to cover it, even with a large tip. On the bottom of the receipt I saw that the girl Amber had kissed the sheet, leaving a red lipstick mark, and had written the words ‘Call me ;) Xo.’ beside it. I smiled when Frank didn’t even read it; at least I wouldn’t have to worry about him dating some slutty bimbo.

Together we left the restaurant and, as if on instinct, we left the mall and headed towards the nearby park. It was a short walk and along the way neither of us spoke, both so in lost in our own thoughts.
As soon as the park came in sight I let go of my friend’s hand and ran towards the empty swings. I sat on the old wooden seat and wrapped my hands around the cold metal chains. Swings had always been my favourite thing at the playground since I was little, I think it had something to do with the fact that it made you feel like you were going to fly away, that at any second you take off into the sky and escape the life you were living in.
I pushed of from the ground letting the swing move forward as I watch Frank approach slowly, his face glum.

“C’mon Frankie,” I forced my voice to sound happier than I felt. “Swing with me.”

He smiled, though I could tell it was forced, and ran to sit on the swing to my right. For a few minutes we just stayed like that, swinging in unison, no need for words, no need to talk about how those we loved were falling apart. It was nice. But I had to break the comfortable silence.

“Frankie, hon, are you okay?” It was a stupid question, one for which the answer was obvious. But I wanted to hear him say it. I wanted him to realise that he couldn’t do this by himself, that he didn’t need to do this by himself. He wasn’t Superman.

“To be honest Ciara, I can’t really remember the last time I was truly okay. I think it was just after our first tour, when we all thought you’d come back,” He stopped swinging and began scuffing his converse in the loose dirt. “You’re gonna be so ashamed of me C, but I’ve thought about suicide.”

My feet slammed to the ground and I stopped swinging immediately, dirt spraying up onto both our jeans, “What?”

He bit down on his lip and scrunched up his eyes, “I was scared to tell you…knew you’d get angry.”

I jumped off the old creaky swing and wrapped my arms around my best friend, “I’m not angry Frankie. I just…I just wish you had told me straight away.”

Suicide had changed my life completely twice already. At a young age I had to learn to deal with it. My heart had been broken twice. When I lost my best friend to his internal battle with suicide I thought that I’d never heal, and when I lost another friend – just when I was starting to heal – I felt the exact same way again. It had taken me years to heal, and even now it still hurt to think about them. I couldn’t stand the idea of losing another friend to suicide, especially not Frank. He used to be so in love with life. When I had first met him he was always so happy – even though some of that was obviously down to the amount of Skittles he ate every day.

“Frankie,” I murmured, running my hand through his silky black and blonde hair that was still in the same style it had been in when we were teens. “It’s gonna be okay. I’m gonna help you through this. Suicide is never the answer.”

He leaned into my touch and I could feel my top getting damp from the silent tears he was shedding. I didn’t say anything; just let him cry on me. He needed this. It had been too long since someone had offered to help him. For too long he had been trying to help his friends when he needed help too. I wasn’t going to let any of my friends feel like this anymore. I was going to help.

“Shh…” I whispered, trying to ignore the biting evening wind that had suddenly picked up. “Hold on Frankie, it gets better. Together we’re gonna make it all better. Just hold on – for me.”