I Just Wanna Be Bad Enough For You

Friday. The best day of the week. Ok, it’s not better than Saturday. But! It is the best day of the school week. And this Friday marks the end of the first week at Dulaney High School. Everyday this week I have been hanging out with Paige. We blast New Found Glory and Blink-182 as we sketch over at my house after school. And at lunch, I sit with my new group of friends. I’m still disappointed that Alex hasn’t been there all this week. Jack told me that he has been sick all week. And now I know every bloody thing that has happened to Alex while he has been sick. I didn’t want that much detail.

And today when Jack asked me what I was doing tonight I had to tell him that I was hanging out with Paige. He looked disappointed and tried to convince me to ditch her and come hang out with everyone. I had to sadly decline, but I promised him that we would hang out soon.

“What are you wearing tonight?” Paige asked me over the phone. I plopped down on my head and started flipping through an old Alternative Press magazine.

“What I wore to school today.” I replied in a kind of ‘duh’ tone. Did she really expect me to change? I looked down at my faded skinny jeans and dark grey loose knit sweater.“It’s just a local gig, Paige.”

“Well, you always look like you belong in that whole scene. I look like I just plucked from the prairie.” I chuckled to myself picturing her closet now, filled with sundresses and floral tops.

“Just wear a pair of skinny jeans and a dark colored vneck with a pair of converse or black flats or sandals. You’ll look fine, I promise. When are you coming to pick me up anyways?” I asked. “Because I have no clue where I am going.”

“I’m just going to change real quick and I’ll be there in like fifteen. Adios chica.”

“See ya soon.”

I cleaned myself up a little bit: straightening out my clothes, applying a little more eyeliner, and putting on my leather combat boots. I had ten bucks and my phone stuffed in my back pocket and I was set. I hurried down the stairs. I knew my mom was probably done cooking dinner and I wanted to get the hell out of there before she sucked me in to sitting down with the whole family. I had my hand on the door ready to shout where I was going and leave.

“Honey! Dinner is ready!” I heard my mom yell.

“I’m going out with Paige tonight,” I informed her. I walked into the kitchen where she was setting the food on the table. God, it smells really good.

“But, I made your favorite. Eggplant lasagna.”

“I’ll get something when I’m out.”

“Honey.” She had a look of true concern on her face. I took a deep breath. I know my mom is just worried about me. After spending two months at Sante Center for Healing last summer she has every right to be worried. Losing twenty fives pounds when only being 5’3” and 115 pounds isn’t healthy. I know that now. But, honestly, I’m just not hungry right now.

“Bye.”

I slammed the door shut behind me. I just wish she would trust me. But, why do I deserve to be trusted? I became an expert at lying and hiding. I managed to never falter, until I passed out and was taken to the hospital. They just always want me to be fucking perfect. And they try to control every aspect of my life. My body is the one thing that I can control. Well, not anymore.

When I saw the headlights turn into my driveway I jogged out to Paige’s jeep. I jumped in the passenger seat with a smile on my face. This is exactly what I needed to really feel like I maybe actually do belong here, some good music and some good friends.

Paige and I talked about the art show coming in up a few weeks the whole fifteen minute drive. It was actually surprising how easily I could talk to her about random things and things that were important to me. A lot of my friends back in Texas never really understood my obsession with art. Not to sound conceited, but when you are good at something you enjoy doing it a little bit more.

“We are here!” Paige was a little too excited about this. I mean, this was only a few local bands. Could they really be that good?

When we got out of the car I was able to recognize about half of the faces there. The little building was already being stuffed full with people when we entered. Paige and I found a comfortable spot near the side of the stage. We were close enough to the stage where we wouldn’t have to struggle to see the talent, but far enough away where we didn’t look like a bunch of groupies. I know how the local shows are. I was already able to spot a group of girls squealing with excitement at the front of the stage. They all had on their tight mini skirts and way too short tops.

“So who’s playing anyways?” I asked as my eyes continued to wander around the venue.

“There are two bands from Towson playing and a band from our school playing, All Time Low. You have probably seen them around. Rian Dawson, Jack Barakat, and Alex Gaskarth. Their bassist is from Towson though.”

“They are in band?” I was in complete shock. They never said anything about being in a band. Actually, now thinking about it, we never really talked about music. Which was very strange for me, considering my obsession with music. And apparently theirs also. “Are they any good?”

“Are they good?” She raised her eyebrows at me. “They are amazing. They have released a studio album and they’re signed.”

My jaw dropped. Holy shit. I am going to have to give them a little lecture about keeping secrets. This was a big deal and they didn’t tell me! And even after Jack declared me his new best friend. I’m kind of upset about this.

While the other bands were playing I was getting really anxious. I just wanted them to finish so that the guys’ band would come on. I mean, don’t get me wrong, the other bands were really good. It’s just that I wanted to see my new friends play. And OK, maybe I kinda, sorta, really wanted to see Alex. I mean, I haven’t seen him since the first day of school. Jack told me a lot about Alex at lunch. The group of them would always be telling stories. I was able to learn a lot about all of them and their personalities.

Jack was always joking around and telling me how big of a crush Alex had on me, but it was kind of hard to believe sometimes. First of all, I just met the kid. And I have only talked to him like twice. I always figured if he was more interested in getting to know me that he would ask Jack to get my number or something. But, then again, maybe Alex wanted to do it himself and maybe he was trying to keep it private and only tell his best friend. I don’t really think Jack is the best person to tell secrets too. I don’t think he tells other people on purpose, he just gets overly excited sometimes.

Paige was kind of upset that I didn’t tell her that Rian and Jack were the ones I was sitting with at lunch. It’s just that it never came up and I wasn’t one to try to mix worlds like that. I mean, if I knew that the guys were into music like how Paige and I were then maybe I would have. Maybe it would have come up. I don’t know. She got over it.

The second band was starting to pack up and I saw Rian, Jack and Alex along with a few others moving equipment around. They were all scurrying around the small stage making sure wires were laid down properly and guitars were in tune. I saw Alex wave to someone and wink. I turned my head to see Lisa and Kara standing on the other side of the room. Lisa was biting her lip and grinning like a fool.

I was all of a sudden jealous. I don’t even know Alex, why am I jealous? I never even knew that Alex and Lisa had a thing going. Especially the way Jack made it seem. I guess I understand the hatred coming from Lisa now. I just rolled my eyes to blow it off. This just means I’m gonna have to work a little bit harder if I want to get to know Alex better. I like a little bit of challenge.

Their set was amazing to say the least. The crowd seemed to know all of their songs and were singing their little hearts out. At the end of their set a few people left, but a lot people just scattered around the venue to talk to random band members. I spotted all the guys over by Kara and Lisa. They will probably be pretty surprised to see me here. They thought I was hanging out with Paige tonight, they just didn’t know where.

“Hey.” I squeezed my way in between Jack and Alex.

“You said you were hanging out with Paige!” Jack wrapped me into a big hug.

“I am! You never told me you guys were in a band Mister!” I wagged my finger at him. “You guys blew me away. I’m not gonna lie. And Alex!”

I turned towards him,” you’ve got a set of pipes there.” I nudged him with my elbow. “And I thought you were sick.”

“I was! Today I just took off to save my voice,” he defended.

“I thought you were just trying to avoid me,” I joked.

“Why would I ever want to avoid you?” He added a wink at the end.

I could feel my cheeks heat up. Good thing it was already warm in there and my cheeks were already flushed. I quickly changed the subject. “So, my name is Mackenzie. You are?” I held out my hand for Zack to shake.

“Zack.”

“So my awkward friend here tells me you go to Towson. How far away is that?” I asked.

Paige slapped my arm and glared at me. I couldn’t help but chuckle a little bit. You have to admit that it was kind of odd that she knew what school he went to and she didn’t to any of these guys.

“It’s only like fifteen minutes away,” he responded quietly.

It was surprising how well I got along with all these guys. Sure, Lisa still wasn’t apart of my fan club, but there is not much I can do about that if we both are crushing on the same guy. I can tell that they have history though. The way they touch each other when in conversation and the way things get really awkward when they realize that they are acting like they are dating.

“I’ve really gotta get home,” Paige whined.

“How ‘bout just like fifteen more minutes?”

“I can’t. My mom told me to be home by midnight.”

“Fine.” I sighed and turned to everyone. “We’ve gotta get going. Paige has a curfew.”

“Why do you have to leave Mac?” It was now Jack whining.

“Because she is my ride home,” I explained in my baby voice.

“You can’t leave though!” Jack explained as he jumped up and down.

“I’ll give you a ride home,” Alex offered. “Don’t worry about it.”

“Are you sure?” I couldn’t help but get kind of excited about this. I might actually be able to hang out with Alex alone for a little bit.

“Yeah, it’s no problem.” He swung his arm around my shoulder.

“Thanks,” I whispered.

Paige left and soon Kara and Rian followed by Zack. It was just Jack, Lisa, Alex and myself sitting cross-legged in the middle of the venue. There were still a few guys from the other bands just hanging out by the bar with a few of their own friends. When I checked my phone I realized that it was already one o’clock in the morning. I wonder how happy my mom will be about this. Especially when I come home with a guy that she has never met before. Oh, I am sure she will be thrilled.

“Alex, I should really get going.”

“No problem.” He stood up and offered a hand to me. With one pull of his arm I was up on my feet. I smiled up at him when I realized how close our bodies were. “See you guys,” Alex called out to Jack and Lisa without taking a glance at him.

We walked awkwardly out to his car. I mean, it should be awkward. Shouldn’t it? We have only talked two other times than tonight and I trust him enough to drive me home. I never trust people this easily. You are probably thinking that I am over thinking this whole thing. Yep, that’s what I do. I over think everything.

The drive to my house wasn’t filled with blasting music or small talk. It was silent except for the few times I mumbled out a few directions. And somehow this drive wasn’t awkward. I felt like it should be though. It’s kind of like, I don’t know him well enough to be silent around him. There I go over thinking again.

When we pulled into my driveway I turned to him and inched myself a little bit closer by leaning my elbow on the center console.

“Thanks for driving me home.”

“Anytime,” he replied with a smirk. He leaned in, starting to close the space between us. Just as he thought he was going to get a goodnight kiss I pulled away slightly.

“I’ll see you Monday,” I whispered with our eyes still closed. I bit my lip and quickly jumped out of the car. I rushed to the front door to let myself in. After locking the door I peeked out the window to see him still parked in the driveway. The poor boy was in shock.