Pride

The courage that I worked up in the library has slowly slipped away. As I stand here in the hall watching Kai’s every movement I can’t help but feel nervous. He’s not looking at me. He’s glaring at his locker as if it were the reason for all his problems. It’s unnerving.

I didn’t know Kai could look like that. I really messed up…but I’m going to fix it. I have to fix it. I need to stop being a damn idiot and just admit to myself and everyone else that yes I like Kai. I like him a lot and I just want to be by his side. I want to make him happy.

A sudden slap to my back breaks me from my trance. Stumbling forward I have enough time to glance back to see Mindy sending me a reassuring smile and thumbs up before I start jogging towards Kai. The jogging turns into running when he notices me.

I don’t know why I ran…I guess I thought he might try to get away from me if he saw me.

Kai stares oddly at me when I grab his wrist and tug him towards me when he tries to pull away. “What?” He snaps, his voice stating how angry he is at me.

“I’m sorry…I didn’t mean what I said. I was being a hypocrite and I had no right to act like such a prick,” I say and I feel like this isn’t going to be the only time I say this to him. It seems that I’m always causing our relationship problems. I don’t know why Kai is still putting up with my worthless ass but I’m glad he is. “I wasn’t mad at you. I was just pissed at myself because I knew what you said was true. I didn’t have the guts to tell people about us and I did feel weird about our relationship but…but if keeping you happy means telling the whole school about us then I’ll do it!”

And before Kai can open those damned addicting lips of his to say something I pull him down for lip lock. I don’t whose more shocked, him or the rest of the student body.

Although it’s the end of the day and kids were heading to their buses all stopped and stared at the two boys currently swapping spit in the middle of the hall. It’s not like we have no gay couples in our school it’s just that most of them keep it on a down low. There’s a lot of homophobic assholes here so they try not to step on many toes and maybe I could have used that as an excuse to keep us a secret but I feel like that wouldn’t help us at all.

Kai wants to feel that I mean it, that me liking him is true. He wants me to admit to others that I’m his and he’s mine even if it’s just once and I’m willing to put up with whatever shit comes because of this because it’s for Kai and I’ll do whatever it takes to keep him happy. He’d do the same for me. I know it.

After a very long kiss I pull away. Kai blinks his eyes rapidly, still in shock. A few people send cat calls our way, others insult and some just shrug it off. Mindy though, she waltz up to the two of us and pats my shoulder, giggling madly, “That was hot!”

Kai, completely ignoring Mindy, runs two fingers over his bottom lip. “Y-You just k-kissed me…”

“Is that so shocking?” I ask.

“In p-public.”

“Were you listening to what I just said!” I shout and whack him over the head. Kai smiles and it makes me sigh in relief. He isn’t mad anymore.

Mindy says goodbye, understanding that Kai and I are more focused on each other than her. Once she’s gone the two of us start heading home and today I let Kai grasp my hand and happily hold it in is own all the way home.

“You d-didn’t have to do that,” Kai whispers beside me.

I snort. He really is dumb. “Of course I did. How else was I going to get you to stop being mad at me?”

“I don’t w-want you to be u-uncomfortable just b-because we had a-an argument.” Kai is too selfless. He’s going to get walked all over in the real world…but I guess that just means I’ll never be able to leave him. I have to keep an eye on his dumb ass and make sure he doesn’t allow his kindness to be abused.

“Shut up and accept my apology! Damn I can never please you can I?”

“You give nice hand jobs.”

My fist makes contact with Kai’s gut. He groans and releases my hand to cover his probably aching stomach. He whines at me but still grins. He’s totally a masochist, sick freak!

“Hey Kai…can I ask you something?” Kai and I arrive at our apartments. He goes towards my door but I stop him. My parents are home and his aren’t and maybe my mind isn’t on purely innocent things because I drag him to his place but he doesn’t know that.

“Yeah…what is it?” He asks curiously, following me inside and back to his room. We both kick off our shoes. Kai, being the clean freak that he is, takes our shoes and sets them inside his closet neatly. He’s concentrating on rearranging some things on his desk when I ask him something that’s been bugging me.

“Do you really think I’m just pulling your leg?”

Kai stops his obsessive cleaning to look at me with a frown. By the way his cheek is moving I can tell he’s biting at it. “I um…sometimes I do and s-sometimes I don’t.”

“That’s not an answer,” I grunt and take a seat on his bed. I glare angrily at my feet. It’s tempting to glare at the stupid boy across the room but I have to listen to what he says first before I say anything.

“It’s just that…s-sometimes it appears t-that we feel the same way for e-each other but then…we don’t do a lot of things that normal couples do.” Kai’s nervous. He’s pacing in front of me and trying to think of how to phrase what he wants to say. “Sure we’ve g-gone on a few dates and made out and stuff but…y-you always seemed like you w-were forcing yourself just to k-keep us together and I t-thought that maybe you were only doing this b-because you didn’t want to lose our friendship.”

My eye twitches in annoyance. Kai notices this and takes a step back because he knows I’m ready to explode. However I know that will only cause problems like it did earlier today and besides killing Kai for thinking stupid things isn’t part of the plan I concocted while in the library.

“You need to stop thinking such stupid things.” I pat the space beside me, signaling that I want Kai over here. He slowly does as I wish and sits next to me. “I do like you Kai…even if you think otherwise.”

“I love you,” he says leaning down to press his lips to my temple. The place his lips touch tingles and I know that these feelings I have for Kai are never going to go away. I’ll have them forever and I’m kind of glad about that.

Sighing, I scratch the back of my neck nervously and prepare to make either the best or worst mistake of my life.

“Kai do you…want to…” I can’t even finish the sentence. The words become locked in my throat but Kai caught the drift as soon as he saw how red my cheeks got and how that color was now spreading to the tips of my ears.

“S-Shiloh! You’re j-joking right?” Kai sputters and grabs both my shoulders to spin me around so we’re face to face. I can’t look at him though. The hopeful, scared but also incredibly thrilled look he’s sporting makes my heart skip and I turn away quick.

Shit. Maybe I shouldn’t have suggested it…although I didn’t verbally say it but whatever! I can’t back down now. No, no way in hell because this will prove to Kai that I mean it…that I really do like him.

“D-Do you want t-to or not!?” And somehow I have become the blundering idiot because my words came out stuttering and shaking. Kai notices this and grins at my shy behavior.

“I do…I really do.” Kai leans down to press his lips to mine, sealing the deal.