I Wish I Could Be the One

“What the fuck…are you doing here?” How can this happen…who the fuck let Michelle into this house, while I’m sitting here?

“It’s a get-together, my friends are here, and my relatives are here. There’s no reason why I can’t be here so deal with it.” She whined and it made my skin crawl.

“Do you purposely set out to make people’s lives miserable or were you just born this way?” I can believe she had the nerve to sit down next to me.

“Well you’re more rancid tonight than you usually are…I wonder why that is?” She asked snidely…as if she knew something…

“Maybe because I’m breathing the same air as you.”

“What’s the matter is there trouble in paradise? Did you and your little beau have a spat? Are you still upset over our kiss? Kind of made you realize you might not be enough for him huh?”

“Die…bitch.” I think the pills were actually keeping me pretty mellow; I would have easily laid her out by now. I’ll have to make sure to get some more from the good doc.

Suddenly, out of now where, Val came up on the other side of Michelle and violently grabbed her.

At almost the same time…

“Hey BeBe…I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve missed you so much; please let me take you home.” I was blindsided as I felt Brian’s lips crash into mine…I needed to get out of here, and fast. I started pushing on his chest.

“God, no Brian…no…STOP…just go away…please go away.” I pleaded with him, as he looked at me in a pure state of confusion.

“Babe stop this. Please. I’m sorry for everything. What I did was wrong, please come back home, I’m not going to live there without you.” He insisted as he put his hands on my waist and tried to pull me into him.

“Bri, why don’t we go outside for a smoke…” Jimmy put his arm around Brian’s shoulders and tried to lead him away from me.

“I don’t want to smoke, what the hell is going on here? Bree…” He grabbed my hands.

“Answer him bitch…tell him what’s wrong!” Michelle screamed to the back of my head.

“Michelle, shut your fucking mouth.” Val got in her face.

“You won’t will you? You don’t have the balls to tell him do you? Because you know he’ll leave you.” I could feel her breath on the back of my neck.

“Michelle…” I panted as I slowly turned to look her in the face.

“Tell me what, Bree?” Now Brian was breathing down my neck.

“How would you know what I have to tell him?” I spoke slowly as my gaze fell upon Val, who looked absolutely mortified.

“I didn’t tell her Bree, I swear to God, I didn’t.” She begged me to believe her.

“I heard them talking about it in the living room when I came in…so leave her out of this.” Michelle didn’t want her sister taking the rap for this one. How noble of her.

“Talking about what? What is going on?” Brian whipped me around to look at him.

“You friggin’ little whore, I swear I could kill you right now.” I broke free of Brian and turned back to Michelle.

“Yeah, you’re good at killing things lately, aren’t you?”

“Oh my God, Michelle!!!!” Val gasped.

For once Michelle actually looked sorry. For once she looked guilty. For once she looked as though she really wanted to take back what she said. Obviously there was no love lost between us, but this was beyond comprehension…and she was going to pay for it, whether she was sorry or not…I was going to make sure she was sorry…as my hands went straight for her throat.

“Bree…NO…stop…STOP NOW.” Brian grabbed my arms and wrapped himself around me, as I struggled to get my hands back on Michelle.

“Stop sticking up for her!!” I screamed at him.

“I’m not sticking up for her…I’m trying to keep your ass out of jail!” He looked scared as hell.

“Now…tell me what the hell is going on and I only want to hear it from you…” He said as he looked around at everyone, who had stopped dead in their tracks. Shads grabbed Michelle and dragged her outside.

“Brian, calm down…just give her some space, man.” Jimmy tried to calm him down.

“She doesn’t need space…God damnit…she just needs to tell me what the fuck is happening before I go out of my fucking mind.” He growled in Jimmy’s face.

There was nothing more I could do…did I think I was going to hide it forever?

“Ok…Brian. Please don’t take this out on them.” I started to talk as the tears came too. “My moodiness…my sickness…my tiredness…my emotional outbursts…because…my hor --- my horm --- my hormones were going crazy…” I couldn’t control my sobs.

“Don’t even use the PMS bullshit for an excuse, I’m not that stupid.” He sneered.

“I didn’t know why…I swear to you…I didn’t know why I felt the way I did…” I continued.

“Do you know now?” Finally, he was calming down.

“Yes.”

“Does it explain the way you’re acting now?”

“Yes.”

“Tell me then.”

“I…can’t.” I really was trying…but those words were just not going to come out.

“Yes you can, babe. You can tell me anything. We’re best friends. I love you more than anything.”

“You won’t anymore.”

“Yes I will.”

“You’ll hate me.”

“No, I won’t.”

“Yes…you…will.” He was staring at me with those beautiful brown eyes. I couldn’t tear myself away from them.

“I promise, I won’t.”

“I…I…was…pregnant.”

“Was? You’re not anymore?” Anger, confusion, sadness…all at once…flashed through him. I got scared again. This was not going to work.

“No.”

“Why? Because of something you did purposely?”

“NO!” I didn’t know what to do…why would he ask that? Why would he think that?

“Jesus, Brian!!” Val cried out.

“Why did Michelle say you killed something?”

“Because she was being a whore…” Val answered for me. “Leana and I were with her the entire time at the hospital. Bree didn’t even know what was going on. It was a chance miscarriage. There is no explanation and it’s no one’s fault. We both talked to the doctor at length about it. She was only six weeks along; lots of women don’t realize what’s going on at first. There are a lot of extenuating circumstances Brian…but right now you just have to give her a little time.” Val was crying again, but I think she was trying to compensate for what her sister did. “I know your heart must be broken just as much as hers, and ours even, but please don’t take it out on her. Don’t take it out on each other.” She finished as Shads pulled her into him, and gave Brian the ‘death stare’.

“I’m not going to.” Was all he said, as he ran his hand through his hair and looked down at his feet. His chest heaved, and I could tell he was crying too.

“This will all turn out ok…eventually.” Leana jumped in, trying to be as positive as possible…considering. “And the doctor said she was still young and very healthy and there’s no reason why she wouldn’t be able to get pregnant again and have 10 healthy babies…” She touched Brian’s arm lightly.

“Shit…this fucking sucks.” Brian said as he looked up at me. His eyes were red and I felt so bad for him at that moment. I actually forgot about my own pain for a minute. “Come here, Babe…please…come here.” As he extended his arms to me, and I gladly attached myself to his body, as I felt his strong arms wrap themselves around me.

“I’m sorry I told you to leave…I’m sorry I wasn’t there for you.” He whispered onto my lips. “I’m sorry you have to go through this, that we have to got through this…I’m sorry about our baby, I want him back now, even if I didn’t know he existed.”

“You don’t hate me?” I smiled up at him.

“Hardly…I love you more…if that’s possible.” He kissed me again. “Do you forgive me? I need you to forgive me.

“There’s nothing to forgive, you did nothing wrong.” I hugged him tight to me.

“I could have done things differently.” He insisted.

“There’s nothing you could have done, it was going to happen no matter what either one of us did.”

He just sighed, put his face in my hair and breathed it in.

“What are we going to do?” I asked as I started crying again.

“Pray that it never happens again…and keep trying…” He tried to give me his best grin, as he began to wipe my tears, with his calloused fingers.

“I couldn’t possibly love you more than I do right now.”

“I know, I feel the same way…but let’s go home now baby…please?”

“Ok.”

“I have something for you there.” He hinted as he lead me out the door, his arm around my waist.

“What is it?”

“You’ll see BeBe.”