After All This Time

Kate paced back and forth in her tiny living room, thoughts rushing through her mind. She could vaguely remember Kendall trying to talk to her at the bar. The problem was although she could picture it; all of the words coming out of their mouths were gibberish. She let out another groan, flopping down on the worn brown textile couch. This was why she didn’t drink.

Her head had a shooting pain going through, and she was actually thankful Jesse had called her in. For once, a day off would be nice. She got up, making her way to the bathroom medicine cabinet. She rummaged through, looking for the Tylenol. By the time she’d found it, she’d knocked over a box of bandages, some allergy medicine, and random other things, but she didn’t care. She grabbed a glass of water from the kitchen, then downed the two red pills.

She sat on the kitchen countertops a few more moments, trying to figure out what to do. Then it came to her. Jesse had gotten her into this mess, so he was going to help her find her way out. She changed into jeans and a T-shirt as quickly as she could manage, then trudged down to the bus stop.

“Well look who it is. Back so soon?” Jay teased. She had another doctor’s appointment in the afternoon, so she had the whole day off from both works. Currently, she was perched on the porch swing, sipping a glass of lemonade. The whole cliché made Kate want to roll her eyes.

“Where’s Jesse?” she asked, leaning against a column of the porch. She absentmindedly started rubbing her temple, where it was radiating pain.

“He’s still knocked out. He hasn’t had that much to drink since his bachelor party,” Jay chuckled, scooting over and patting the space next to her. Kate obliged, using one of her sneaker-clad feet to rock the wooden swing back and forth. Her elbows rested on her thighs, and her long dark chocolate waves were like a curtain around her.

“We saw Kendall last night,” she murmured, looking down at the worn white-painted wood porch. Jay gave a small smile, her hand tracing shapes on her stomach.

“Yeah, you mentioned something about it when you guys stumbled in, actually.” Kate hid behind one of her hands, embarrassed. She was definitely never drinking again.

“What did I say?”

“You started off ranting about how guys are idiots, but it turned into meaningless rambling about his eyes.” A groan escaped Kate’s lips, and she crinkled her nose. She rested her head in her hands, golden eyes shut. Jay rubbed her back soothingly, shaking her head.

“He called my house, a little drunk, last night, talking about how he loves me and misses me. I just heard the message this morning. What am I gonna do, Jay?” Teary golden eyes met sympathetic sky colored ones, and Jay shrugged a bit.

“You can’t avoid him forever, Katie. Whether you want to get back together or not, you need to talk to him about this.” Kate sighed, nodding back at Jay. Jay tucked a blond curl behind her ear before going on. “You should call him back, or do something. The poor guy’s losing his mind.”

“I know you’re right. It’s just; part of me doesn’t want to go back down that road. Part of me is still hurt, and wants to be childish and pretend he doesn’t exist.”

“We both know that’s not rational though. Plus, sweetie, I don’t think you can pretend he was never in your life. You love him, so he’s always going to be there, in your heart.”

“Does it ever get easier?”

“Eventually, if it’s meant to be, things work themselves out. But even then, relationships aren’t perfect, Katie, or easy. You have to find how much pain you’re willing to endure for that person. If they’re worth it, you’ll know.”

“This is all so confusing. My head and heart keep arguing. The inside of my mind is just a giant screaming match. Help me,” Kate pleaded, the tears cascading down her cheeks. Jay gave a sad smile, pushing Kate’s hair out of her face.

“Just answer a few questions, kay?” Jay waited for Kate to nod, then continued. “Do you still love Kendall?”

“Yes,” Kate choked out after a few silent moments, a fresh round of tears starting. She watched the older girl, waiting for the next question.

“Are you willing to forgive him for lying to you?”

“I think I really already have... I was just using the anger so I wouldn’t feel so stupid for crying over him.”

“Okay, that’s good. Now, here’s the important one. If you do get back together, things won’t always be rainbows and glitter. Is Kendall worth any more pain he may cause you?”

Kate nibbled on her bottom lip, squeezing her eyes shut. The past year rushed through her mind, the good times and bad. The life they built together, the smiles, the tears, and the laughs. By the time Kate opened her eyes, she knew.



Kate paced around the creaky porch, cell phone at her ear. Jay had gone into the adobe house to give her privacy, but was close enough to lend moral support. The ringing seemed as if it was never ending, and Kate was sure she’d chicken out if he didn’t answer soon. She leaned against the wooden railing; its white paint was chipping a bit. She wrapped her free arm around herself, her mint green nails digging light indents into her ribcage through the purple cotton of her shirt. She was about to give up when a click was heard on the other end.

“Hello?” Kendall answered, his raspy voice sounding tired. Kate searched her mind for things to say; he obviously hadn’t checked the caller-id.

“Hi, Kendall. I-it’s Kate,” she stuttered nervously. A string of profanities ran through her head. That was just what she wanted; to sound like a nervous tween.

“Kate? Oh, uh, hi,” he stammered. Kate shook her head, her eyelids closing lightly. Weren’t they just great conversationalists?

“Listen, we need to talk. In person.”

“Okay. When?”

“Well, I’m off today. But if that doesn’t work for you—“

“No, today works fine. At the café?” Kate didn’t need any distinction as to which café it was. There was only ever one they went to; the one where they first met. Her nails dug harder into her side.

“Sounds good. Does three work for you?”

“Yeah. Three is perfect.”

“Okay then. I’ll see you later, than?”

“Yeah. Listen, Kate. I’m really glad you called.” His voice was soft and vulnerable. It was a reminder to Kate of all the sweet moments that they shared. She flinched as her nails snapped her out of it.

“Goodbye, Kendall,” she whispered softly, chewing on the inside of her cheek. The other end was quiet except for the nearly unnoticeable buzzing of the phones themselves.

“Bye, Kate.”