Let The Walls Break Down

--John--

I was playing basketball with Ross, Eric and Jared and then I saw Holly. I’m pretty sure she was in love with me. And yeah, I kinda liked her too. But she was leaving today to go to Wisconsin…what the heck is in Wisconsin? Maybe I should have made the best of my time with her, but it was done. I’d never see her again. Well I just wanted to show her how good at basketball I was, but suddenly I was on the ground. Jared tackled me like this was football or something and then I became really upset. Like, really mad. I got back on my feet and looked at Holly but she didn’t even look phased about me hitting the ground. But since I was mad at Jared, I looked at Holly as if I were mad at her, but that’s totally not what I wanted to do. I threw the ball away angrily and walked away. I just flopped in front of her.

She was at Pat’s house for a few more hours after that and I saw her from across the street. I didn’t want to go talk to her because I knew this would be the last time I’d ever see her and I couldn’t handle that. I’ll just let her go.

“John?” I snapped out of my flashback as I heard my name being called from downstairs.

“Yeah?” I said once I reached the bottom step.

“Austin and Maria are getting married…” She looked at me with confusion and held up the invitation. “In May…”

“…Is that bad or something?”

“It’s Maria. Remember her last marriage?”

“Well, this time she actually sent out invitations and not just decided on a whim to stop by the chapel coming home from Vegas.”

“I guess. Well, I’m going to go talk to her.” She kissed me quickly. “Love you. I’ll be back later.”

“DAAAAAAAAAAAD!!!” Holden screamed as soon as Holly left. I whisked to his room to find him sitting on his bed. “Hi Dadda.”

“Hey, kiddo. You need anything?”

“I thought you and Momma were already married. Did you get married again?”

I came in his room and sat next to him. “Nope. We were waiting for the right time to get married and we wanted you and Jenna to be a part of it.”

“But how did you know we was gonna be there? Are you psycho?”

I laughed. “No but we were hoping.”

I lied back in Holden’s bed and he snuggled next to me and we took a little nap.

“You look beautiful,” I said to Holly as she walked out of the bathroom. I walked over to her and held her face in my hand and kissed her the most meaningfully I’ve ever done. I was struggling for words but managed to say, “Um…dinner’s ready.” She checked her phone quickly and threw it on the bed. I couldn’t stop looking at her. “You know, I never thought I would say a girl looks hot in my clothes,” I said once she sat across from me at the table. I was so nervous. I’ve never felt this nervous around her. I could tell she felt the same because she was pretty much just pushing her food around on the plate. “Is the food okay?”

“No, it’s fine. I’m just not all that hungry yet.”

“Well, we can eat it later.” I picked up both of our plates and put them in the small refrigerator. “Are you thirsty?”

“Uh…yeah. Thanks.” She sounded like she was in a different world. I was freaking out. I poured water from a water bottle into two wine glasses and she laughed and her eyes melted into mine. I felt better. We went out to the balcony and I put my arm around her waist as we drank our water.

“IT’S HOLLY! I FOUND HER! AND SHE’S WITH JOHN!” Alex yelled from the pool.

Jack looked up the same direction he was looking and also screamed, “THEY’RE GONNA DO IT!”

Holly laughed and shook her head and I moved her hair out of the way to kiss her as Alex and Jack started yelling. We went back into the room and shut the door and the blinds which made them scream even louder, making Holly smile. “I love you, John.”

“I love you too.” She laid on the bed as I crawled on top of her. I was so nervous. My whole philosophy for the past 20 years had been to stay a virgin until marriage and I was about to break that vow. But Holly was different. She was special. When I’m with her, I know that I’m going to be with her forever. There would be no point in waiting if we would get married later down the line. And I wanted this. And I’m pretty sure she wanted it too. I noticed her frequent breaths as she was unbuttoning my shirt. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine. I’m better than ever.”

“We don’t have to do this if you don’t want to.”

“No, I want to.”

I didn’t fully trust her but I went ahead and acted like I did as she rolled over on top of me and I took her shirt off and moved my hands around on her. When she kissed me, both of our nervousness left and I now fully trusted her. My walls were breaking down with her. She would be my first, my last and every one in between. After this, there would be no one but her.

I woke from my nap and looked down at Holden. Jenna started crying and I gently got off of the bed without disturbing Holden. When I was 18, I never pictured myself to be 25, married with two kids. I didn’t even want kids really until I proposed to Holly. But now that I was here, I can’t picture my life to be anything different. When I got into Jenna’s room and looked into her crib, she stopped crying and reached up for me and I stuck my hand near her and she grabbed my thumb. I smiled at her, and then she looked at me and said, “Dadda.”

--Holly--

“I’m really happy for you guys!” I said to Maria and she started glowing.

“I love him so much, Holly. Like, as much as I loved Jack and Eric combined.”

I smiled and my phone started ringing. “JENNA JUST SAID DADDA!” John screamed at me.

“WHAT?! DID YOU RECORD IT?!”

“YES, BECAUSE I HAD TIME TO GET MY PHONE OUT AFTER SHE TOLD ME SHE WAS GOING TO SAY HER FIRST WORD!”

“WELL I’M GLAD YOU RECORDED IT!” Maria looked at me like I was crazy because she could also hear John yelling on the other side of the phone.

After we hung up, Maria said, “You guys are strange.”

“You and Austin will act the same when you’ve been married for five years, too.”

“You’ve been married for like a week…”

“Whatever, same thing. Anyways, Jenna said ‘Dadda’ for the first time.”

She instantly smiled. “Oh I can’t wait until July…”

“What’s in July?”

She looked up at me quickly and her smile went away. “Nothing,” she said quickly.

“Maria…” I insisted.

She broke down. “Okay, fine. I was going to wait to tell you, until like next week, but Austin and I are going to have a baby.”

I couldn’t handle it. First I found out they were getting married, now they’re having a baby?? I was so overwhelmed with happiness I didn’t know what to do. “SHUT. UP!” I screamed and heard Austin laugh from the other room and he entered.

“Did you tell her, Maria?” She looked at him and smiled and nodded. When she looked back at me her eyes were glowing with happiness. I don’t think I’ve ever seen her this happy. Austin sat next to her and kissed her cheek. “She’s due in about seven months. I couldn’t be more excited.”

“Do you know if it’s a boy or a girl yet?”

She shook her head. “We’re going to keep it a surprise. Either way, our children are going to get married.”

I laughed. “Absolutely. Are you okay with that, Austin?”

“Totally. I’d love to have you and John as my in-laws. Or whatever you call your child’s spouse’s parents.”

“Let’s just go with in-laws.”

On my way driving home, I started thinking. Jenna just said her first word today and she’s almost 7 months old…pretty soon she will be married. Time passes by so quickly now-a-days. I remember when my biggest worries were interfering with Rian during tour, now I’m worried about not being the best parent I can be. Dang…six years felt more like one. I got home and John was lying in bed with his shirt off. He looked so good. I wrapped my arms around him and kissed his shoulder and he rolled over to face me.

“Aren’t you a sight for sore eyes?”

“Oh, stop it,” I said and acted like I was being shy. “So guess what.”

“What.”

“Maria is pregnant and she’s due in July.”

“I think they’re good together. I don’t think there’s anything to worry about.”

“They are good together. She’s different when she’s with him. I think they’re meant for each other, kinda like how we are.” He stroked my arm and just looked at me, the way he only did when he was happy. “What?”

“Nothing. Just thinking about where I’d be without you. Probably face down in a pool of blood.”

“Don’t say that.”

“It’s true, Holly. If we weren’t together I’d probably be hooked on all sorts of drugs. You were kind of my guardian angel.”

“Your mom said basically the same thing to me, like right before Jenna was born.”

“Really? That’s weird. But I’m serious though. I love you.”

“I love you more.”

“Not possible.” I kissed him quickly but he pulled back and you know us, we don’t have good self-control.

It was April now and Maria’s wedding was in a month. We were shopping for dresses last minute because we anticipated her getting bigger by the month. “This is it. This is the one,” she said as she walked out of the changing room. It was a beautiful dress and it went well with her earthy theme. She was going to be barefoot and it would be held in the wildlife park across town. Her and Austin had sort of turned into hippies.

“You look so beautiful, Maria!” Her mom said. She was here visiting until the wedding.

“Thanks Mom. What do you think, Holly?”

“I really like it. It’s gorgeous.”

“Do you think Austin will like it?”

“He’d be crazy not to!” Her mom said. Maria smiled and put her hands under her belly to accentuate it. I started thinking of Rian for some reason. Maybe because I remembered Kara was due in late May. I wondered how they were doing.

Then I started to think about these past seven years. I fell in love with Rian, he broke my heart, I fell in love with John…and reality set in. What if I never agreed to be The Maine’s merch person? Where would I be?

I got back home in a state of a daydream and found John playing guitar in the kitchen with his legs propped up on the counter. I hugged him from behind and he looked back at me and smiled that smile I always knew and would always know. “Hey babe. What’s up?”

“Nothing. I saw Maria try on some dresses and I started thinking about how I could have never been brought to you.”

“How’s that?”

“If I didn’t agree to be the merch person…”

“I knew you wouldn’t turn it down.”

“How?”

He looked at me like I should know. “Holly, please. I know you wouldn’t stay away from me if you had the chance.”

“But I hated you the entire time I was gone.” I rested my head on his shoulder.

He shrugged. “Yet you still came when you found out I was in the band. Subconsciously, you were dying to see me again just so you could show yourself off to me to show me what I was missing.”

I smiled and kissed him. “You’re so weird.”

“I understand your thoughts better than you do. And yes, it is kind of weird. But you did show me what I was missing. I was kinda sorry I didn’t get close to you when I had the chance. You turned out…beautiful…” He drifted off as if thinking about it.

“You didn’t turn out too bad either. When I saw you I thought I was dreaming.”

He laughed. “I was so insecure with myself back then. I didn’t think I could end up with someone as beautiful as you.”

I playfully shoved his head. “You act like I’m some beauty queen or something.”

“You are.”

I hugged him then looked up at him. “Thanks for being my boost of confidence every day.”

He kissed me but when we broke apart, we didn’t want to stop so we continued all the way to our room.

-May 24, 2014-

Today was Maria’s wedding day and John and I were the best man and maid of honor. I hope I was the maid of honor. Holden was also the ring bearer and Jenna was once again the flower girl. This time Austin wouldn’t be carrying her down the aisle spreading pedals everywhere. She recently started walking and she decided on her own she wanted to do this by herself and she was currently on basket duty.

Holden was pacing around the small indoor hall looking at his nonexistent watch. “People, people, people!” He yelled and everyone looked at him. “Where –” I scooped him up before he could ask another person where Austin and Maria were.

“Holden, they’re getting dressed,” I said to him before I handed him to John. “Where’d Jenna go?”

“She’s outside playing with a cat,” he said and motioned with his head. We looked out the glass at Jenna with her shoulder-length bleach-blonde hair. She looked back at us and waved and she looked so much like John. Both her and Holden did. They were beautiful children.

Soon it was time for the wedding to start and Austin went outside to stand under the arch after everyone had taken their seats out there. Next, John and I locked arms and walked down, then Holden came with the rings, then Jenna slowly made her way down the aisle spreading pedals as the people sitting there awed her. They both sat next to my parents in the front row next to Maria’s mom. Then the bridal march started and Maria walked down the aisle with her dad and they parted once they reached the altar. Austin and Maria joined hands and the ceremony started.

While they were saying their vows, I started to feel weak in my knees and John gave me a look that said ‘what’s wrong?’ and I gave him a look back that said ‘I’m fine.’ I felt like I was going to be sick. Please, not now.

“I now pronounce you husband and wife, you may kiss the bride.” Austin put his hands on her neck and kissed her then they walked down the aisle together to get changed for the reception. As soon as they were inside, I ran to the bathroom and threw up in the toilet. I looked in the mirror as I wiped my mouth and my skin had gone pale white and my eyeliner had started to run down my face. I heard a knock at the door.

“Holly, are you okay?” John asked.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Just got a little queasy. I must have locked my knees or something.” I cleaned up my eyeliner and opened the door to his worried face. “All better now.” I smiled and he smiled too and grabbed my hand as we walked outside for the cake cutting. We sat at the newlywed table where Maria and Austin would sit and waited until they made the first cut then the server did the rest and brought it out to everyone.

“Congratulations, guys,” John said and held my hand under the table as they smiled at us.

“Thanks. We’re so excited for what the next year has in store for us!” Maria said.

“Yeah, us too.” I looked at John and he started smiling.

“Maybe another baby,” he said and stroked my hand.

“We’ll see.”

Once all the toasts were made it was time for the first dance and Your Guardian Angel by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus started playing. John and I were the first ones to start dancing after Maria and Austin and then everyone else started joining in. It was beautiful to see Maria with her big belly slow dancing with Austin as he looked at only her with that sparkle in his eyes. That combined with the song made me start crying.

“What’s wrong?” John asked me as his hand went slightly lower than it was.

“It’s just so cute,” I said motioning to them. He looked at them and smiled as he looked back at me.

“It’s cute seeing you like this.” I rested my head on his chest and smelled his Old Spice.

“Hey John?”

“Yes?”

I looked back up at him and kissed him softly. “I’m pregnant.”