Innocence

Before anyone knows it, it’s Friday, the day that I agreed to meet Matt at Starbucks, by the end of tonight he will know he's a father. I sigh as I run the hair straightener through my naturally curly hair one last time. I look at myself in the mirror and run my fingers through random sections of my deep reddish hair. I grab my brush and run it through my hair a few times. I then put my make up on and apply a light layer of lip gloss.

I hear a car horn outside and immediately jump. I look out my window and see Matt’s Jeep waiting. I’m suddenly feeling sick like I'm going to puke. I grab my bag and throw on my old pair of converse with my dress perfect combo. Then I walk down the stairs and see my mom watching television. I walk over to her and plant a kiss on her cheek.

“I’m going out mom. I’ll be home by twelve, I promise,” I say to her. "I won't wait up." She says before continuing watching her soaps and smoking.

I walk out of the house and see Matt waiting for me on the porch, with his shades on. He looks so cool. way to cool to be a daddy!

“I was going to um...Knock,” he says slowly. I look up at him and our eyes freeze on each others I look up into those hazel eyes and he looks down into my bland brown one's.

“Let's go.” I say. He smiles. I smile back. Together we walk down the steps and to his jeep. Once we’re in I twiddle with the hem of my dress waiting for us to get to starbucks, so we can 'talk'.

He drives carefully down the main roads and on the highway. We pass by the famous Hunting Beach, which is beautiful at sunset. I see the old neighborhood where my parents once lived happily with my brother and I. I see the old school I used to attend before Conor’s death. It makes me sad to see all of this, which is all a distant, faded memory to me now.

“So, what’s going on?” Matt asks me.

“Nothing much,” I say, looking up at him. He takes his eyes off the road briefly to look down at me. “School and the same old shit,” I tell him. He smiles and nods.

“I’m so glad Short Shit and I are out of that hell hole,” he says happily. “We did some stupid shit back in those days…” he remembers.

I remember along with him. One time, Matt and his 'crew' were smoking pot in the bathroom and ended up setting the smoke detector off because they were smoking so much pot. Another time, they drove Johnny’s motorcycle through the halls as a senior prank. It was fun having Matt and the 'crew' at school. They brought so much more life to the day. Now it’s all shitty because they’ve graduated and are now in the band full time.

“Yeah, the principles still take about the senior prank you guys pulled off,” I say.

“Really?” he asks with a beaming smile. “That was almost four years ago! Holy shit! I remember that! Ha! Mr. Pritz had it in for us after that! Oh man! Good times!” We both laugh.

He pulls out a cigarette and offers me one but I decline. He continues to drive down the freeway towards the star bucks. We talk about the old pranks that he and Johnny pulled off in high school and how they almost got expelled for selling joints at lunch. By the time we approached the Starbucks, the ice was broken. I felt comfortable around Matt without the company of anyone else… at least for now.

We walk through the plaza to Starbucks. Neither of us has enough money to afford the price of any fancy coffee. The best we can do is small fraps with carmel on top

Soon we’re sitting at our table in the middle of the Starbucks slurping down our drinks.

“So...” he begins.

“Yeah,” I say.

“What about that night?” he says with awkwardness in his voice. I recollect the memory of him on top of my body.

“What about it?” I ask. “I’m really not sure that there’s a lot to talk about…”

“True,” he says. “Though I still think we should.”

“Why?” I ask.

“Because it was my first and I honestly don’t know what to do about it…”

“Well, neither do I. I’m on the same ship as you, dude. I’m clueless,” I tell him.

“Yeah, I tried talking to your brother about it…”

“I know, he told me.”

“Wait, what? He told you?” Matt says with surprise in his voice.

“Yeah, the other day.” I say, playing with my straw.

“I like you. I had a wonderful first time if that means anything,” he begins. I roll my eyes. This is probably his speech about trying to get me to be his girlfriend, and so far I’m not falling for it. “But I don’t know what to do. I don’t know what there is to do. I know you want to leave it as a one night stand and maybe we should just leave it as that and just be friends… would you be okay with that?”

“Yeah, except...."i pause, "I'm pregnant."

“What?” he asks, I nod my head, and he says, "Weren't you on birth control?"

“No shit,” I say. We sit there for a few minutes, staring at each other in not so awkward silence. Finally, he lightly taps his fingertips down on the table.

“What are we going to do…” he asks.

I’m suddenly feeling sick. I have those same cramps running up and down my sides that started on Tuesday. Ever since then, they’ve been coming off and on. It makes me nauseous and it makes me want to puke. Right now, I feel like everything I just ate is about to come up. I find an empty stall and immediately buckle down in front of it. I’m dry heaving and suddenly everything’s coming up. Once I’ve stopped, I grab a piece of toilet paper and wipe my chin.

“Fuck,” I mutter under my breath.

I flush the toilet and wash my hands. I then fix my appearance in the mirror, making it look like nothing happened when my face is probably beat red underneath all the make up I’m wearing.

I walk back out to the food court and find Dylan leaning up against a wall. I smile.

“You all right?” he asks.

“Yup,” I say.

“Good, so anyways, I'll pay for an abortion.” He says slowly, but we both know it'll never happen.

"N-no!" I whisper, he sighs, and the tears start to pour down my face, "I can't kill a living thing!" I sob,he holds me in his arms and says, "Then what are we gunna do?" "I don't know right now." I reply.

By the time my tears dry up, and we walk around the whole town plus beach,it’s past midnight. Matt drives me home with radio blasting some rock music just as much as it was before. When he pulls into my driveway, he parks the jeep and gets out ahead of me. He opens my door. A move, which I was not expecting.

We walk to the porch, where he says good-night to me. Without even being aware of what I’m doing, my lips are on his. We walk up the porch steps and into the house all within that kiss. I stop at the bottom of the stairs and look around. The house is empty.

“Go,” he whispers to me. I nod and pull him by his shirt up the stairs and into my room.

Behind the closed door, we start kissing again. I feel his hand move up under my shirt towards my bra. He unsnaps the clasp and pulls my shirt off. In the darkness, he finds my bed and pulls me down on top of him. I pull off his shirt and pants and boxers while he takes off the rest of my clothes. We throw them to the floor as we go and once he rolls on top of me, he’s in me. Thrusting in and out, making me scream through my teeth. I wrap my legs around his waist and dig my fingernails into his back. He was right, this is amazing, even more so when we’re both sober.

Next morning

I wake-up and put my robe on, I sneak down the stairs, and get two cups of coffee, I lay them out then I sit there and stare outside, Matt and I are clueless, when it comes to our lives, how the fuck are we gunna raise a baby?

As I stare outside I consider adoption....