Falling in Reverse

I tore out the door, desperately trying to avoid running into innocent bystanders. I abruptly turned the corner, my eyes lighting up at the sight of the buses. However, my thoughts suddenly took a turn as I collided into someone.

"Whoah! You've gotta slow down- Elijah?"

My heart all but stopped at the sound of Jared's all too familiar voice. He reached out, steadying my shoulders as his eyes peered down at me, narrowing in confusion.

"Are you alright?" He inquired.

I nodded quickly, attempting to avoid his gaze. "Yeah, yeah! I'm fine. Really. I just gotta get back to Vito and help with-"

"What's wrong?" He sighed, crossing his arms.

"What? No, nothing!"

He sent me a knowing look, shaking his head. "I would've thought by now you know you can tell me absolutely anything."

"Yeah, well..."

"Question?"

I bite my lip, glancing down before nodding. "Yeah, sure, go for it."

"Does this have anything to do with the fact that.." He sucked in a breath, "That John is in the general direction you're running from?"

I slumped my shoulders, feeling as if the weight of the world was trying to balance itself on them. Nothing appeared to be going right. I just.. I don't know what to even do. Plus, I honestly don't feel like having a heart to heart with Jared on the sidewalk for everyone to see.

"Yeah, I guess." I mumbled, fiddling with the hem of my shirt.

"What happened?"

I sighed, standing straight up, shrugging. "Look, I'll tell you later, okay? I don't feel like talking about it now.."

He immediately opened his mouth, paused, and then shut it. "Okay.. later, alright?"

"Mhmm."

He squeezed my shoulder before walking off, not shooting me a second glance. Relief flooded through me almost immediately.

I was scared half to death at the mere thought of having to admit this to Jared. I'm afraid. My mind is swarming too fast to even grip onto a bit of reality.

My feet continued padding against the concrete, the heat blazing down on me, my hands stuffed in my pockets, fingering the loose change. I wasn't going in a particular direction, just.. anywhere.

I can't.. just, what do I have? What in the hell are Kennedy and I doing? What's going on? Is he mine? Am I his? What's going to happen between him and John? What's my reaction going to be? How upset could I possibly get? So many thoughts were racing through my head and I didn't have an answer for a single one of them.

"Hey, baby."

I instantly tensed up, my shoulders curving in as arms were wrapped around me from behind. His hot breath fanned across the side of my face, his lips pressing small kisses to my neck.

"Why so tense?" He murmured, running his hand down my side.

"Er.. no reason." I mumbled, slowly pushing his hands away.

He pulled back and scowled, crossing his arms. "What's wrong with you?"

"Nothing."

He wrapped his left arm around my hip, pulling me in his side. "Well, if nothing's wrong with you.. Want to go back to the bus and fool around for awhile?"

Fool around?

Fool around?

Is that what he calls.. this? We're fooling around? Is whatever we're doing.. is it nothing to him? Oh my god.. What the hell is going on?

I pulled away from his grip, swallowing, "I uh.. I think I'm going to be sick."

I rushed over to the trash can, all of the food that I've eaten today beginning to pour out. Tears began brimming my eyes, my hands shaking as I gripped onto the side.

"Oh, fuck, Eli.. are you okay?" Kennedy questioned, brushing my hair back to press his palm to my forehead.

I pushed him away, shaking my head frantically. "N-no, no, I-I.."

And then it happened again.

And again.

And each time, Kennedy tried touching me. He tried soothing me by running his hands over my forehead and rubbing my back.

And each time he tried that, I shoved him away.

He seemed to be getting the picture as he stood off to the side, a broken look plastered to his face as I continued dry heaving. I avoided his gaze, beginning to cough and splutter.

I finally managed to calm myself down, wiping my mouth before glancing at Kennedy. His head was cocked to the side, his gaze fixated on my form.

I looked away, sighing.

What in the hell am I suppose to do?