If We Don't Die Today

“Why is he in a wheelchair?”

Those were the first words I said back at Doctor Death-Defying’s hideout, where we’d been only days before. It seemed like a lifetime since the attack on Better Living Industries, let alone visiting Doctor D when I’d been appointed a real Killjoy.

“It’s his sense of irony,” Party Poison said calmly, watching as Dr. D rolled out in that chair. “It’s kind of like a joke to him, I guess. Making the Killjoys look weak. I don’t know. It’s just something he does.”

I tried not to let the confusion get to me and nodded, holding my arms out to Dr. Death-Defying as he rolled up in the wheelchair and stood up. He hugged me tightly as if he were my own father, a hearty laugh coming out of his throat and chest. “Hey there, darlin’. I saw the attack reports. Good job!”

I couldn’t help but smiling at Dr. D; I’d only met him once before but he was already treating me like family. That’s the way it was with Killjoys; they stuck together.

I was a Killjoy. A new Killjoy, but a Killjoy nonetheless. I was in Party Poison’s pack; the most famous of all Killjoys. They were the ones who started the whole revolution with Dr. Death-Defying, creating a whole new world outside the world of Better Living Industries in the middle of the desert.

You might be wondering how someone like me got wrapped up in all this – only weeks before I’d been working in the struggling Verizon Wireless company that was threatening to shut down. I was Shelby Chauncey, making minimum wage and working late nights. So how did I become a fabulous Killjoy known as Atomic Battery?

I guess it all started when my brother was reported dead, caught in the middle of gang fire on the outskirts of Battery City. I thought he’d simply been in the wrong place at the wrong time, murdered by some stupid Battery City gang that hadn’t taken their medicine in years. Well, that wasn’t true at all.

As it turns out, my brother Rory was living a double life. To keep his only living family safe (our parents had died in the fires of 2012), he had never let me know that he was a Killjoy, running with Party Poison’s pack.

He hadn’t been killed in gang fire. He’d been killed in a Draculoid attack on him and one other Killjoy called Galaxy Escape when they were alone. Galaxy hadn’t been able to save him and ran, making himself look like a coward. It seemed that my brother was lost.

I found all this out when I was working a late night at Verizon, doing some paperwork. As soon as I left work that night, it was far past the city’s curfew and no one was out. I was found by a strange and beautiful and seemingly crazy man with flaming red hair who called himself Party Poison. He gave me a tape, saying he’d known my brother and that he’d left this tape for me.

I was pretty sure the guy was insane. He was dirty and messy and who the hell dyed their hair neon red? But since he’d mentioned my brother, I was hooked. I watched the video and learned all about my brother’s secret life as a Killjoy known as Bullet Deceiver. He told me he’d made a discovery and gave me a clue, saying I’d be the only one to understand.

Better Living had caught on by then and attacked me, asking me what I knew. Well, truthfully, I hadn’t really known shit. It was still processing and I didn’t know what Rory’s clue meant. But then the crazy man with red hair came in with his friends and saved me, driving me out into the middle of the desert.

Slowly, they’d explained everything about Killjoys to me. They said that I had to be one now; there was no turning back. So I dug deep inside and figured out what the clue had meant, and we found a file full of dates for all of Better Living Industries’ big events. We also found my brother’s Killjoy lover Bulletproof Liberation and her adopted little girl Grace, aka Sunshine.

We went to Dr. D’s place where I got myself a gun and a jacket and was appointed a real Killjoy. Then we headed into Battery City where I found Galaxy Escape living in exile as a coward. I convinced Party Poison to let him be with the group again.

Then made an attack on Better Living, where I had a run-in with Korse, the leader of the whole damn thing.

And get this:

My brother may still be alive, holed up in some Better Living dungeon or some shit.

Which brings us up to now, back at Dr. Death-Defying’s hideout in the middle of the desert where we were going to stay until the hype of our last Better Living attack died down. Then we’d get going to find out what happened to my brother and to see if he was still alive.

“Atomic,” Party Poison’s mysterious and confusing brother, Kobra Kid, said catching my attention. “I think you should tell Dr. D about the thing.”

The thing.

That’s what we were calling the possible discovery of my brother’s death being a Better Living cover up; that he may still be alive. The thing.

I spilled everything about the attack and how Korse had hinted that my brother may very well be alive. Dr. D listened intently, hanging on every word. He nodded now and then, staring at me with a look of wonder and shock.

“Well,” Dr. Death-Defying said when I was through, “The only thing you can do for now is lie in wait until the hype goes down. Then you can make your way back and investigate. Party Poison, son, I think we’re gonna need to draw up a plan. C’mon. Oh, Kobra – I have something for ya in the shed. Take a look.”

Party Poison followed Dr. D into Dr. D’s little shack/radio station, where they were going to figure some genius plan out.

I was left standing with everyone else – Bulletroof Liberation, Sunshine, Kobra Kid, Galaxy Escape, and the other Killjoys in Party Poison’s pack, Fun Ghoul and Jet Star.

“I need a beer,” Jet Star said, turning around and walking over to a nearby door in the fort.

“I’m with ya!” Fun Ghoul said, jetting off to follow him.

“I could use one,” Galaxy Escape said, trailing behind them.

Bulletproof and Sunshine followed too – Sunshine was only gonna get some juice, but maybe she’d have a sip of Bulletproof’s glass of beer or something.

I was left standing alone with Kobra Kid.

Kobra Kid and I don’t exactly get along. In fact, we fought an awful lot. And he really liked complicating things. In the middle of one of our fights, he’d grabbed me and kissed me and then refused to address it. I was incredibly lost and didn’t know how to act with him since.

“If you’re not going for a beer,” Kobra Kid said with his usual expressionless face on, “you might as well come along with me to see what Dr. D left in the shed for me. If you keep standing there looking like a lost puppy I think I’m going to scream.”

I would have loved to see Kobra Kid leave his devil-may-care, I-have-no-emotions demeanor and scream, but I went along with him anyway, trying not to be too annoyed with his remark.

Kobra Kid opened up the shed, and stopped dead in his tracks. I walked up beside him and looked at his face. I was shocked to see that he was smiling – a real, genuine, excited smile. That was incredibly rare.

I looked into the shed to see what was making this miracle occur and saw a shiny new-looking Killjoy style motorcycle sitting there and glinting in the light.

“Uh, what’s that?” I asked awkwardly.

“It’s my motorcycle,” Kobra Kid said, his smile making the desert even more sunny than it already was. “It was in a wreck in a Draculoid fight. It was totally fucked and I left it with Dr. D – god, he fixed it up just like new.”

He walked into the shed and ran his hands along the side of the bike as if it were a woman; his sexual and beautiful mistress. “I need to take it out for a ride.” He looked up, his eyes meeting mine as if he’d just noticed I was there. “Come with me.”

Now, I’d been having quite a bit of shocks those past few days. With the news about Rory and Dr. D having a wheelchair and Galaxy Escape and everything. And now? Now Kobra Kid’s being friendly? I felt a little nervous.

“C’mon,” Kobra said, shooting me a charming smile. “It’ll be fun.”

I wondered if there was something in the air. I didn’t feel strange. I wasn’t acting any different.

“Stop standing there like a dumbstruck baby,” Kobra Kid said, a slight edge returning to his voice. He swung his feet over and sat on the motorcycle. “Get on the bike, Atomic. Or I’ll come getcha myself.”

Maybe there’s some good in this, I thought to myself, smiling. I climbed onto the bike and wrapped my arms around Kobra’s torso, resting my head on his shoulder.

Kobra revved the engine and drove us out of the shed and into the bright desert light, where the gang had returned from getting beers. They laid eyes on us and looked almost as surprised as I was; Kobra smiling and me behind him on his precious bike.

The only one who didn’t seem fazed was the wise and all-knowing Jet Star. “Dr. D fixed your bike?”

“Hell yeah,” Kobra sang.

“And you’re taking the pretty girl out for a spin, eh? How manly you must feel,” Jet Star replied, taking a slow sip of beer and smiling slightly at us.

“Shut up, Jet. Don’t ruin my moment.” Kobra revved up the engine again. “Open the gates. I’m takin’ her out for a spin.”

Fun Ghoul snapped to it, opening up the white gates and revealing the endless desert. Kobra Kid laughed and revved the engine, kicking us off and shooting us out of the fortress.

I don’t know how fast we were going, but it was very speedy. The world was blurring around me and I had to grip tighter on Kobra to make myself feel safer, though it didn’t do much. My blood was pumping, adrenaline pounding through my veins. Once I got past the general fear of death, I felt like I was flying.

Kobra Kid was laughing. He did spins and jumps and wheelies, throwing us every which way. It didn’t take long before I was laughing, too.

After what seemed like forever, Kobra drove us back through the still-open gates where everyone was waiting, including Party Poison and Dr. Death-Defying.

We hopped off the bike.

The ground felt wobbly.

Kobra Kid practically pounced on Dr. D, thanking him quickly and breathlessly over and over like a five-year-old schoolboy who had been given a bucket full of candy. Dr. Death-Defying simply laughed and hugged back saying that it wasn’t a problem.

I walked over to Jet Star and stood beside him. “Since you’re the only one who didn’t seem as shocked as I was, maybe you can explain this to me.”

Jet Star knew what I was talking about immediately. “That bike is his baby. He loves that thing. And when he wants to go for a ride? Well, to hell with every bit of his demeanor and grudges. All he knows is that there’s a wide open desert and a pretty girl in the room with him, and he wants to take her for a ride.”

“So the bike’s enchanted?” I asked seriously.

Jet Star laughed. “That’s one way to look at it.”

“Hey, Atomic,” Party Poison called to me, interrupting my and Jet Star’s conversation. “C’mere. I wanna talk to you about something.”