I Ain't Waiting For The World To Change

„You sure you don’t want to come with me?“ Johnny asked the fourth time.
“As I said the other three times: No, thank you, I’m fine.” I tried to smile.
“But it’s Christmas, you shouldn’t be here on your own,” he tried again.
“And I don’t want to bother your family with my presence. Now go or you’ll be late. We’ll see us at the Harner’s place.”

“If you say so,” he leaned forward and kissed my cheek before leaving the apartment. That left me and Peanut. It was Christmas and everyone was celebrating with their beloved ones. Val with Matt, Brian with Michelle and Zacky with Gena. He said he would call me and tell me about her decision, but I knew she would accept his proposal and they were too busy to call. Johnny would stay at his family’s place tonight. Tomorrow they’ll all celebrate with their families and on the second day of Christmas Papa Gates invited all of us.
That just left me. I was still mad at my family and I couldn’t bear it to be around them. I still miss Cassie and I was sad that I couldn’t be with her on these days.

I starred at the packet which stood in the corner of the room. We had arrived late that evening yesterday and it was too late to ship Cassie’s present so it would arrive punctual.
There was no Christmas tree, no decoration but I was fine with it. I went to the kitchen, opened the fridge and grabbed a beer and the meat and started making dinner. I was no good cook so it was just chicken and salad. I went back to the living room with my meal in one hand, sat down and started watching some DVDs and began with ‘Pulp Fiction’.
When the closing credits came I stood up and took the dog leash. After yelling for the dog I took a walk with him and promised I would give him his presents when we were back home. I had bought him a new dog collar and a big bone, which was way too big for this little pet. I knew I would go straight to bed after that. I wasn’t in the mood for a long stay up.

The next morning I woke up at nine o’ clock – way too early. I started the day with a makeover – long shower, new nail polish, a face pack and so on.
After that I was bored and decided to stop at the studio. I pulled on my usual clothes, took a cereal bar and left the apartment. The studio seemed abandoned without someone laughing or playing their instruments. My mood lightened up as I saw some drums. I knew it weren’t mine. First because they were black, second mine were still at the transporter where all instruments were and third: There were some more drums I didn’t own.
I don’t know why, but immediately I knew which drums these were. Awed I swept over the shiny ride cymbal.

“Why are you here?” I asked Jimmy’s drums as if I expected an answer. I didn’t know if it was the right thing but I sat down behind the drums, picked my sticks and let every single drum show their sound.
Before I even recognized it I played ‘Fiction’. I even sang along. Maybe it was just daydreaming but it felt like it was perfect. This was utterly Jimmy’s song, here was his instrument and it was like he was playing not me. Weird!

I played some of our songs and then I grabbed my iPod and played along to the songs which came on shuffle. I couldn’t hear anything but I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket.
“What’s up, Zacky?” I asked.
“Merry Christmas to you too, lovely Kim.” He said. “I forgot to call you earlier.”
“I told you so,” I said with a big grin on my face.
“You don’t want to know what she responded?” he asked sadly.

“So, what did she said? I would love to? I waited the whole time for you to propose?”
“Something like that,” he admitted.
“Congratulations,” I said and I meant it with all of my heart.
“Thanks, hon. What you’re doin’ by the way? I heard Johnny’s at his mother’s place.”
I felt a bit guilty. “Actually I’m at the studio,” I admitted.
“Practicing? At Christmas?” I could hear his reproaches.
“No, just for fun. Actually my drums are still at the transporter and here stood some, so I just used them. I hope that was okay,” I said while nibbling at my lip ring.
“We knew you would come to play, so we asked Larry if he could manage that Jimmy’s were up there.”

“Well, thanks. I guess you know me too well.”
I heard him laugh. “You love them, right?”
“Absolutely,” I said within a second.
“So, I’m going back. We’ll see us tomorrow.” We said goodbye and then it was just me again. I thought I would be glad to be on my own again after a month of touring, but I wasn’t. I don’t know how long I stayed there, just barely touching the valuable thing in front of me.
“Merry Christmas, Jimmy,” I whispered without thinking and left the studio behind.

-x-

Before I could knock at the door – really, they never lock their houses here and come in whenever they want – the door was opened. McKenna, Brian’s younger sister, greeted me. “Hey Kay, Merry Christmas.”
“Merry Christmas to you, too,” I said and with a look at all the presents on my arms and she told me I could drop them under the tree in the living room.

“I’ll say hi after dropping these,” I said after seeing some people from the corner of my eye. I followed the blinking lights in front of me and squeezed the presents to the others.
“So, who’s first?” I asked with a smirk on my face and opened my arms.
“Meeeee,” Papa Gates screamed and ran towards me. I chuckled as I hugged him and thanked him for inviting me.
“You’re kidding? The whole family comes, so why not inviting my newest daughter?”
After him I greeted Val, Michelle and her husband. I felt completely underdressed by now. They all wore dresses and I just wore simple black leggings and a big grey sweater.

“Congrats, beautiful,” I said when I hugged Gena.
“You already knew? I wanted to be the one who tells you the news,” she said and looked like someone had died.
“Well, Zacky anticipate ‘bout a month ago,” I told her and her eyes wide in shock.
“So you knew the whole time and didn’t tell me anything?”

“Well, that were exactly her words when I told her,” her fiancé said and put an arm around her shoulder.
“Aw, you’re too cute,” I said and needed to hug them both. “So, where’s Matt?” I asked and looked around. “And Johnny?”
“They just pick something …,” he couldn’t finish his sentence, because I interrupted with a “Peanut”.
“Where is he?” he asked and both looked on the ground and expected to see the dog peeing at the tree or something like that.

“He’s still in my car,” I explained.
“Happens all the time with Johnny,” Zacky said and reached for the keys to grab the dog.
“So, what’s up with Majesty? She stole all of Icky’s food?” I asked and kneeled down to pat the dog with the swollen belly.
“No, she’s pregnant, you dummy.”
“Aw, you’ll have wonderful little puppies. Think it’s a Christmas with surprises.”

“Would bet on it,” Gena smirked. We talked a bit more about the puppies, the proposal and so on. I was a bit sad, that they would sell all the little ones but they couldn’t keep it of course.
Time went by and then Suzy, Brian’s stepmom, told they couldn’t wait any longer or the food would get cold. So we started eating and I wondered where the hell Johnny and Matt were. How could they miss such a wonderful meal?
The answer came bout fifteen minutes later. “Hope, there’s enough food for us and the youngest Avenged fan,” I heard Matt yelling. I turned my head and couldn’t believe my eyes.
There stood Matt with his dimple smile starring at me but my eyes laid on Johnny who had this little blonde girl in his arms. I rose up and walked as fast as I could. Probably my chair fell backwards, but I didn’t pay attention. He handed me my niece and I squeezed her hadn't seen her in ages.
“What are you doin’ here?” I asked and buried my face in her curly hair.
“Celebrating Christmas with you, you dummy,” she answered and chuckles interrupted her sentence. Why did everybody call me that today?

“I’m glad you’re here!” I placed my lips on her small ones. “How long will you stay?”
“Till tomorrow,” Johnny answered.
“We’re going on vacation,” Cassie’s high voice continued.
“Tell me everything,” I said while carrying her to the bathroom so she could wash her hands. “And what are you wearing here?” I asked and pulled on her T-Shirt.
“I got it from Santa. I wished I had one so I could show everyone my aunt is famous.” She’s so cute! And this was the tiniest A7x shirt I had ever seen.

I introduced her to the others at the table when we went back. I had to keep Cassie from stealing from the table so she could play with the dogs. Matt told me he and Johnny had met my father and picked up Cassie because they knew I had missed her like hell. While I helped Suzy with the dishes Gena and Val were all over the little girl, who ran after Pinkly. After everything was cleared we met by the tree. There wasn’t enough room for everyone so I ended on Johnny’s lap while Cassie, McKenna and Papa Gates sat on the floor.

“I want mine first,” the old man said eagerly and sucked worse than the girls.
“Then you’ll get mine first,” I stood up and dispensed my presents. Johnny had also brought the packet for my niece. The most excited were Papa Gates who got a pair of fish-slippers, McKenna who got the new ‘Eclipse’ DVD and Cassie got a medallion with a picture of us and some new Barbie’s.
“For whom is the biggest present here? As I see a big K on it I guess it’s for Kim.” He handed me the big box.
“Don’t open it here,” Johnny murmured in my ear.

“Why not?” I asked and looked at him. He pointed towards Cassie with his head. “So I should open it in another room?”
“I would prefer at home.” But I was way too curious so I left the room and heard the guys laughing. When I reached the kitchen I opened first the envelope.
‘So you don’t have to take care of yourself anymore’ – It was signed by the boys.

I opened the box and saw some colored things. “No fucking way!” I screamed and then had to laugh.
“You sad a bad word, Aunt Kimmie,” I heard Cassie complain.
“I’m sorry, won’t happen again,” I screamed back. I looked in the packet again. Think I shouldn’t have told the guys.

// One evening I was sitting in the bus, the guys on my side. “We’re just three weeks on tour and my balls are ready to explode! How do you bear it three fucking years?” Brian asked in my direction.
“Oh, boys, it’s not like I couldn’t take care of myself,” I had said with a serious face. They looked a bit shocked that I spoke boldly.
“You think you would show us?” Matt asked.
“Keep on dreaming,” were my last words for the night. //

“What is inside of it?” Val who stood in the doorway asked.
“Take a look,” I said innocently.
“Dildos and vibrators?” She asked quietly. “They’re way beyond to help.”
“Think I’ll pack this in my trunk, before … anybody sees them.”
“When you come back, just play along, will you?” she asked quietly before I left the room.

“Ouh Kim, I was wondering if it’ll be okay if we make it on Wednesday. I know Matt was always been exhausted when he came back after recording a song.”

“Sounds fine to me,” I said and sat the little kid on my lap. I saw Johnny cheering. “Oh and Johnny can go over to Matt, so we have one’s peace.” His face fell and I knew exactly what she was talking about. And yeah, you heard right: Val had said recording. We should record a song for ‘Call of Duty’. We were a bit pressed for time because the tour will go on and that left something about a week. But we were working on it before. I was very excited, but now my niece needed my attention.
“You’ll show me your work, won’t you?”
“I’ll show you around tomorrow,” I promised her.

“And tonight we’ll stay up late and watch ‘The little Mermaid’ and you drink cacao and…”
“Anything you want,” I said and stopped her from babbling with a kiss. “Maybe Johnny is so kind and brings the TV in my room if you ask nicely,” I mumbled in her ear.
“I’ll ask later,” she said loudly. “Kimmie? You know what I like?” She scrambled from my lap and walked towards Zacky. She started on getting on his legs this times and he helped her. With a concentrate expression on her little face she scrutinized his arms.

“These ones,” she said finally and pointed at his leopards tattoo.
“So you like tattoos?” he asked.
She shrugged with her tiny shoulders. “Some are creepy,” she said and pointed at another one. “You should have all of these dots, then you’d be an animal.” She made some animal noises and we all laughed.
“What about watching a DVD?” McKenna suddenly asked and waved with her brand new DVD in front of our faces.

“I’m not going to watch some of this shit again. Edward wouldn’t get in her pants so why watching?” Brian complained.
“Gates,” I rebuked him.
“What’s with pants?” Cassie asked and looked at hers.
“Nothing, sweetheart,” Michelle answered and gave her husband an evil glare.
Not long after that I decided to leave. Cassie was getting tired and I just wanted to spend some more time with her. We said our goodbyes and I had to urge Cassie to thank for the presents she had gotten.

…
The next day was like a blur. The night I had spent in Johnny’s bed with Cassie, because he had no intention to shift the tube into my room. He had said we could sleep in his bed and so we had watched the Disney Movie. It didn’t take long for Cassie to fell asleep and she snorted a bit. It’s something she usually didn’t do unless she was sick. She had sneezed sometimes that day but that’s it. At that point I hadn’t known she just had passed the flu. So I had always taken a kiss from her whenever I could get one.

I had shown her the studio and she had forced Zacky to play something for her. It had hurt Brian’s ego, but she was dotty about Zacky. That day had passed too soon and I had put ones pride in one’s pocket and went to drop her at my dad’s hotel. He had stayed there and we didn’t say that much as Cassie was around us. I had hugged him when I said goodbye and told him I was okay with that. I had come home and Johnny told me he was leaving. I had known the guys would meet and that they would go to the cemetery. The day after would be Jimmy’s obit and Brian had told me they would sneak on the cemetery at twelve o’clock.
I knew this wasn’t my place and nobody had asked me either. So I had given Johnny a smile and went soon to bed. Tomorrow would start the recording. I had the feeling this wouldn’t be their best day but we had to work as there was so little time. I had a bit headache and my leads became heavy so I had passed out soon.

When I woke up I felt worse. My alarm wouldn’t stop until I hit that stupid thing. My throat hurt like I hadn’t drunk something for weeks. The headache had become worse and as I got out of bed the world started spinning for a while until I closed my eyes.
“Whoa, you look like hell,” Johnny greeted me as he left the bathroom in a towel. For a moment my eyes were stuck at his chest. Jimmy’s deathbat caught my eye.
“Well, fuck you,” I said. If I have to be correct I only moved my lips but no words escaped my lips.

“What? Has Peanut eaten your tongue?” he asked playfully. Childish as I was I stuck my tongue out at him. “No, still there, so why are you voiceless?” He came towards me and put a hand on my forehead. “Pretty hot up there.”
I wanted to tell him I just need 20 minutes, ‘cause there was no way I would stay at home. As I couldn’t say anything I just left for the bathroom. I didn’t want to wash my hair and tried to get out of the bathroom as soon as I could. I didn’t had any intention of using make up, I even refused to take a look in the mirror. I knew I would look horrible and so I left the bathroom with a towel, headed into my room, put on some fresh clothes and went to the bathroom again. I hoped there would be some medicine. I crossed Johnny who stood in the living room and sniffed at a shirt which had laid on the floor. He shrugged his shoulders and put it on. With whom do I live, I asked myself.

“You ready?” he asked and I just nodded. “This will be a funny day,” he chuckled and I rolled my eyes. This is going to be a very long, unpleased day! Johnny drove and as funny as he was he had thrown a scarf around my neck and had pulled it over my mouth, so I couldn’t infect him.

When we arrived at the studio Johnny was geniality and I had spleen. I felt like throwing up, but I haven’t eaten anything so there wasn’t anything that would come backwards. I was freezing and I wore a T-Shirt with a big pullover over it, only tracksuit pants and some shoes which I couldn’t even describe. I pulled off the scarf, I couldn’t even breathe under it.

“This is going to be a quiet day,” Johnny yelled. He knew how to push my buttons. I shoved past him and sat down on the couch and closed my eyes. I hadn’t even looked around.
“What’s wrong with her?” I heard Matt ask.
“She’s sick. She has got fever and actually she couldn’t talk,” Johnny answered and was a bit more serious.
“You think you can handle the day?” I heard someone beside me ask and opened my eyes to see Larry who sat next to me with a worried expression.
I nodded wildly and regret it automatically.

“Well let me introduce you to the important persons,” he said and I greeted the producer and mixer. They told me they would record all of us together playing the song. It mustn’t be perfect it was just for us. So when we had that it was my turn. I could hear the recording in my ear for orientation and then I had to play along. I nodded in agreement. The last one who came were Brian and Zacky. Actually I thought they would be depressed or something, but they all had a smile on their faces. They looked like they hadn’t had much sleep but seemed happy.

Whatever happened last night it couldn’t be bad. I just wanted this day to end but it hadn’t even begun. I opened the door where the instruments already stood and opened my mouth to tell the guys they should move there asses but of course they couldn’t hear me just some cawing.
“This is going to be fun,” Zacky repeated Johnny’s earlier sentence and hold his camera in my face. This will be only fun for them.