I Ain't Waiting For The World To Change

„So, do you see them?“ Johnny asked me and blocked my view of the crowd.
“No, way too much people here.” We were playing in Sacramento – my home town – and my dad promised he and Kelly would be here and see me play. Cassie had cried and begged, but this wasn’t a place for a three year old kid.

When it was pretty hot I pulled out my brand new Vengeance shirt and Zacky yelled his typical quote about a little striptease of mine. That was the point I saw my dad – he was laughing the loudest. I waved and then the next song needed my attention.

After the show I just pulled on the hoodie Mike – one of the Roadies – gave me. Then we had to wait, 'til everything was loaded. Dad and Kelly were already on the way home, we should join later. I wanted to show my family my new family – and the other way round. We came here with the big tour bus. We hadn’t have to come here with it, but as there was only one guestroom at my parents house (it’s a big house, but there are also Kelly’s, Cassie’s and my room which were occupied) and we would be there extremely late, so we decided to sleep in the bus and they would get to know my whole family on the other day. Val was also one of the party – you rarely see her and Matt separate.

“So, can we?” I asked excited and the boys teased me as they joined me in this huge vehicle. I put on the audio equipment and started to sing along with Jacoby.
“I know, why I’m the singer of the band,” Matt murmured but wasn’t really mad. Actually I loved this bus! When you entered it there was the driver seat with some seats behind him, a little bathroom, a small kitchen unit and a huge seating area on the end of the bus. If you went upstairs you could get to the bunks and the stabling zone. The windows were obscured, but from the inside you could see everything on the outside.

We heard the driver scream that the streets were too small, but that couldn’t temper my delight. I trusted him and was so excited for seeing my family. “We’re finally here, which house is it?” I heard the driver and went to him, so I could show it to him. I saw some of the neighbor who came outside and watched the big vehicle parking. Soon my dad was also there and I couldn’t wait for the door to open.

“She looks like a little kid on Christmas Eve,” Zacky laughed as I started to leap for joy. Finally the door opened slowly and I run outside and hugged my father like I haven’t seen him in years.
“I’m so proud of you, kiddo,” he said, while I hugged him and promised him I had missed him.
“Aunt Kimie,” I heard a voice and released my dad. My little niece was running towards me covered in a long Barbie nightgown and bare food.

“Honey Bee, you should be in dream land by now,” I said as she hadn’t reached me. “And what are you doin’ here outside without any shoes?” I needed to take her to task. “You want to get sick?” I raised her and her little cute hands embraced my neck and she started to put some sweet kisses on my face. “I missed you soooooo much,” she promised and I kissed her myself.
“That’s so sweet,” I heard Val behind me and turned around to see my band mates who looked a little bit lost here.

“Who’s Johnny?” Cassie asked me. She tried to whisper but it was still loud.
“I’ll show you inside. It’s cold here so we have to bring you inside. Then I’ll introduce you.” I told them to follow me and carried the little one until we were inside.
“Cassie, why you’re still up?” I heard my sister asking.

“I waited for Aunt Kimie, Mommy,” she answered and hid behind me.
“I’ll bring her immediately to bed,” I promised and opened my arms, so my sister could hug me. It was just a brief hug, but I always had the best relationship with my dad in this family. Then I saw my mom and she hugged me too.

“So now we’re all here and I know little one wouldn’t sleep until she knew every name of you,” I started the introduction. “That’s my Mom Karen, my twin Kelly, you know my Dad Ethan and the littl’ girl hiding behind me is Cassie.” I took a breath and went on. “And these are Matt and his wife Val, Zacky, Syn and Johnny.” They waved as I mentioned their names.
“What’s Syn for a name?” My dad asked.

“Actually it’s my stage name, sir, but your daughter refuses to call me Brian,” Syn explained.
“Well I see. And don’t call me sir, Ethan is fine.”
“So, I’ll take you to bed,” I said and looked down at the yawning girl.
“But I’m not tired at all,” she said.
“Sure you’re. You have enough time tomorrow to get to know them.”
“Where are you going to sleep?”

“Saw this huge bus out there?” Johnny asked and she nodded. “We’re going to sleep there.”
“I want to sleep there, too.”
“Then let her sleep there,” my dad said and I shoot him a surprising glace. Actually, he’s not so… yeah, I couldn’t really describe it, but he looked real tired. “We’re also going to bed.”
“Get your bunny and your slippers,” I told Cassie and she disappeared.
“See you tomorrow, kiddo,” My dad said, kissed my forehead and disappeared. Something was wrong, I knew it. My sister waved and Mom told me we would get breakfast at ten if we wished and followed my dad. That was really strange!

“Can Labelle come with us?” The little girl asked from top of the stairs, but I just shook my head. She slowly walked down, in one hand her fluffy toy, in the other her pillow.
“So come on, think it’s better we’re soon in the bus.”
So we were on our way, when Cassie spoke again. “Mister?” Nobody reacted. “Mister?” she asked again a little bit louder and everyone was staring at her. It seemed she had spoke to Matt and I had to chuckle, as she addressed him firmly.

“You seem pretty strong, you mind caring me?” She asked and put on her puppy smile no one could resist. He held out his hands, but she wanted to be carried on his shoulder, so he got on his knees and Val put her on. His wife carried her things while the girl was happy with her new place.
“Wrapped you around your little finger in one minute, hu?” Zacky grinned.
“She just got him, ‘cause she called him mister,” Syn supposed.

“Think you have to get down, ‘cause the door is too small for us two. Maybe you could sit on Johnny’s shoulder…” Matt said and let her down as we finally reached the black bus.
“No, I’m fine. Thank you.” She said and looked at me.
“So come, you’ll sleep in my bunk. Say goodnight, I’ll show you around tomorrow.”
“Night,” she said and waved at the following men, before she entered the stairs and I led her to my bunk.

“Sleep tight,” I said and put a kiss on her mouth. “I’ll join you later.”
“Good night, Aunt Kimie,” she said and cuddled her bunny. I closed the curtain and joined the others who were sitting in the sitting area.
“She’s quiet far for her age,” Val said as I sat down beside her.

“Yeah, she’s already in kindergarten and everything... Maybe she’s high talented, we’ll see.”
“You two seem really close,” Syn said and I nodded.
“I was the first one who held her. I was in the labor room with Kelly and at the antenatal exercises and everything,” I told them with a wide grin in my face. “So what about a beer?” I asked and they all nodded. I pulled the bottles out of the little fridge and handed them to Val, who gave it the boys. We sat there and talked a bit, but we were all exhausted, so we decided to go to bed. I changed in the bathroom and then I joined my niece, put an arm around her, inhaled her scent and closed my eyes.

“You awake?” A voice asked me and I opened one eye, just to see the little girl in front of me.
“Now I am. What’s the matter?” I asked quietly.
“I have to pee,” she said and I pushed the curtain to the other side, so we could get out of the bunk.
“Come on and be quiet,” I only said and we walked down the stairs, so I could show her the little bathroom. I waited outside and she came back outside and saw the little dog that was running around my feet and started to bark. “Shhhh Peanut, you’re waking everyone,” I said and opened the door of the bus, so the dog could get outside.

“He’s so cute,” Cassie said and followed him, as I realized she was barefoot, again.
“You shouldn’t walk outside barefoot, Missy,” I blamed her.
“But you’re too,” she said and had a point.

“Only to grab you,” I explained and lifted her up. “So come here, Peanut will come soon after us.” I just grabbed my things, changed and left the bus with my niece in tow. The dog was inside again, I was afraid what he’d do with the cat. So I entered the house and saw my mom was already up and ran down the kitchen again and again as Cassie left to go to her room.
“Everything fine?” I asked and she shrieked.

“You scared me to hell, Kim. Why are you already up?” she asked me and filled a cup with coffee and handed it me.
“Missy woke me up. What’s up here? You all seem a bit… distracted.”
“No, everything’s fine. We were excited about having you back. So tell me, everything’s fine? I was a bit worried about you in a band full of men.” So I sat down on the stool and told her something about my new life. Then Kelly entered the room and took my coffee.

“So, little Miss Superstar, what is it like living as a rockstar?” She asked and drank my coffee.
“Not as excited as you might believe.”
“So and with whom you have made out?” she asked further.
“What?” I was confused. And actually my name was still Kim not Kelly.
“Hey, there are four good looking men with you in a bus. I know, Val’s with Matt, but the others are alone.”

“They’re not alone they all have a girl at home except of Johnny.” She just snorted and told me I was prudish.
“Girls, behave,” our Mom interrupted. “So you might wake up your friends, I’ll start making breakfast,” she added and I nodded in agreement. I walked back, opened the door and yelled “Everyone’s getting up, breaaaakfast.”
“Don’t scream so loud,” I heard someone complain.

“Alright, motherfuckers,” I yelled again. I played with peanut, while waiting for the first wrinkled faces to show up.
The first one was Syn, followed by Zacky, Matt and Val. “Couldn’t wake short shit,” Syn said yawning, so I went upstairs and throw him out of the bunk. “Breakfast is ready,” I said and walked out of the bus again. I took a look and frowned. This couldn’t be him!
“What?” Zacky asked who had run into me.

I started running and screamed “Josh,” while the person turned around and looked at me with wide eyes. He opened his arms and I hopped on him. “I missed you,” I said.
“I missed you, too. I was at your place yesterday, but you weren’t there.”
“Since when you’re home again?” I asked eagerly. I haven’t seen him for two whole years.
“Just visiting Mom and Dad. I heard you’re in a band right now. I know you’d make it!” he said, still didn’t let me down.

“Yeah, just for a short time.”
“I saw you with your niece. Haven’t thought you would handle it so cool,” he said and let me finally down, so I stood in front of him, staring at his eyes.
“Why shouldn’t I?”
“It was shocked, when Bryan had called me and told me he had slept with Kelly and she was getting a baby, the day before he… uhm you know, he died.”

“What?” I screamed and took two steps backward.
“You… I… I thought… you’d know this,” he stuttered. I turned around, didn’t notice anything anymore. I heard something yelling, but couldn’t define the words. There was only rustling in my ears and then I started running.

Matt’s PoV

First she woke us up and now she was stuck at the hips of a guy we didn’t knew.
“So, what do you think, who’s this?” Johnny asked.
“Don’t know, but I think we’re going to adept it soon,” Val said and stared with us at the two people on the other side of the street. Just then Kim let go of him and took some steps back yelling at him. It seemed she was really upset and that was when I and the other guys took a step forward. I saw the man talked to he, and then she turned around and run.

“Kim... I’m sorry! I thought you knew,” he said and soon we were on his side and Brian asked him, what he had told her. Few weeks ago I had told Kim, she was like a sister. And it really felt that way. I was worried why my little sister was running away this fast and didn’t take a look right or left.
The man, I think Kay had called him Josh, still didn’t answer, so I took another step at his direction - Johnny at my side - and asked him again.

“I thought she knew Cassie was Bryan’s kid,” he said and we were frozen in movement.
“What?” Val asked and automatically grabbed my hand.
“I really thought she knew, I though Kelly told her…”
“You mean her boyfriend had slept with her twin, while he was in a relationship with Kim?” Johnny asked as he tried to grab the background story.
“We have to find her. I’ll tell her Dad and I think… we should find her soon,” Val said. She pushed away my hand when she went into the direction of the house. The others followed her like little puppies. God, I love this woman! But not time thinking of that, we really had to find our young thing.
So Val entered the house without knocking or anything and stormed in. She went into direction of the kitchen, where Kelly and her mother were. I thought we all throw daggers at her with our eyes.

“Where’s Ethan?” Val asked directly and Karen called for her husband who stood there in one minute.
“What happened?” he asked as he saw our expressions.
“I told Kim about Kelly and Brian,” Josh finally said and everybody glared at him.
“What?” The three Aldrins exclaimed.
“You know ‘bout that?” Zacky asked unbelievingly at the parents.

“What’s happening? Why are you yelling?” Then I saw little Cassie who entered the room.
“Nothing, come on, sweetheart,” Kelly said and left the room with her daughter.
“I actually knew it since yesterday, when Josh told me. That’s why I couldn’t look in my daughter’s eyes. I know it would break her heart and… wait, where is she?” Ethan said.
“That’s the point. She left without looking left or right,” Johnny barged in. “We have to find her.”

“Okay, so let me think ‘bout it. We should build groups and search for her. The one who’ll find her, will call the others,” he suggested and we agreed. Some took the cars and I walked by feet. At my side was Zacky and we should look out for the park.
“That’s just stupid. I hate this stupid asshole even if he’s dead. I know you shouldn’t talk bad ‘bout dead people, but this motherfucker deserved it,” Zacky let off steam and I had to agree.
We searched the whole park, but there was no Kim. We were just about turning back, when I saw the sign. “Think I know where she is,” I said and walked along the path.

“Sure, the cemetery,” Zacky said and kicked himself in the head. “Right or left?” he asked as we entered the holy place.
“I’ll go right, you left, call me if you found her otherwise we’ll meet here in thirty minutes.”
“Alright, hope we’ll find her.”
So I went right and searched for Kim. I already walked twenty minutes and was about going back, as I saw somebody under a tree. I was sure it was her, so I dialed Zacky’s number, told him I found her and told him he should inform the others.

She looked more horrible then I had imagined. Her eyes were red, her face swollen and her lips were bloody as it seemed she had bitten them. She didn’t look at me as I advanced towards her.
“Hey Kay,” I said quietly. I sat beside her, put an arm around her shoulder and rubbed her arm.
“Matt? What’re doin’ here?” I could barely hear her.

“I searched for you. We all do, we were very worried ‘bout you,” I explained and at this time she hugged me and started crying. I was overcharged so I rubbed her back, pulled her on my lap and swayed back and forth like she was a little child.
“They hated each other. They really hated each other. How could he cheat on me with my own sister? And as if this wasn’t enough he got her pregnant. I always thought Cassie looked a bit like Bryan but… he just had passed away… I thought I’d imagined that ‘cause I missed him so much,” she babbled and I didn’t know what I should say. “Matt?”

“Yes, Sweetie?”
“Nobody knows that, but we were engaged.”
“What?” I asked shocked and thought I didn’t hear right, as she spoke so quiet. This couldn’t get any worse!
“It was two days before Kelly told me she got pregnant. I haven’t told anyone we wanted to wait for the weekend to tell it everybody, but then he said we should wait with the news. Now I knew why… Why was I so blind? What should I do, Matt? Please tell me… I don’t know what to do! I don’t know!” She said again and again and I thought she started to hyperventilate.

“Breath in, breath out,” I told her and rubbed her back. Then I saw Zacky and he looked like he was about to hit someone.
“I called the others. Ethan will be here and pick us up with the car. How is she?” he asked and sat down on my side and pushed her hair behind her ears, so he could see her face. He really looked shocked and her breath hasn’t stabilized yet.
“You know this stupid bastard isn’t even worth your tears,” he screamed practically at her.
“Zach, we’re on a cemetery. Shut your dirty mouth,” I reminded him.

“I don’t give a shit. Look at her, look what he did to her. And he even hadn’t the courage to deal with the shit he made. He even hadn’t the fuckin’ courage to tell her. I know how he died, Matt. The motherfucker had an overdose! Fluke? I doubt that, he…” he exploded.
“You be little of help, Zach!” I said as I saw that she was about to collapse.

“It’s okay, it’s okay, Kim. Calm down, breath in, breath out,” I told her and then I saw the next thing that would upset her. I saw Kelly running towards us, her dad right behind. “Zach, if you really want to do something that helps her, get her away,” I said while pointing at the coming woman.
He walked down the path and I knew he would handle that problem.

“I just want to… go… home,” the woman, who used to be so strong, said weakly.
“I’ll bring you home, I promise.” I picked her up bridal style and hoped I could carry her the whole way. I saw Zacky, who just shooed the woman who looked like Kim and saw a dissolved Ethan who tried to pick up his daughter. But she just pegged more at me so I told him, I would carry her.

Blessedly there were two cars so Ethan opened the door for me and his daughter, so we could drive without seeing one of the person who ruined little girl here. I sat on the backseat, Kay still on my lap and when we arrived I had some difficulties to get out the car, while carrying her.
“Is she okay?” I heard Johnny who stood next to me with a worried expression on his face. As he saw her his fist tightened.
“She just calmed down,” I said and saw that he didn’t believe a word. I walked towards the big house as she raised her head.

“Matt,” she croaked.
“Yes, baby?” I asked and lowered my head a little bit so I could understand her. I wouldn’t want to sound rude, but by time she got really heavy.
“You promised to bring me home,” she said and her sad red eyes looked directly into mine.
“You’re almost here,” I said and turned so she could see the house more clearly. Johnny had to took a step away, so her legs wouldn’t hit him by this action.

“I meant Huntington. I just want to go home, Matt,” she said and started crying again. Where was Val by the way? I looked at Johnny who looked just as desperate as I felt.
“Maybe we should drive home,” he said and I groaned as I shifted her weight. “Give her to me,” Johnny said and held his hands out. I watched him skeptically, but I couldn’t hold her weight much longer. “I wouldn’t let her drop down,” he said as I took a step forward and handed her him. He struggled a bit, but then he walked towards the bus and I watched.
“Look for my girl, will you?” I heard Ethan saying and I simply nodded. This was one of the craziest days I have ever had and I had some of them as I was friends with The Rev. I saw the next car pulling into the driveway and Zacky jumped outside as soon as the car stopped moving.
“Where’s she?” he asked and I nodded into direction of the bus.
“Think if we find Val and Brian we could drive,” I said and walked into the bus. I saw Val at the end on the sitting area, Kim’s head on her lap, Johnny next to them.
“Think we’re all here,” I heard Zacky who also entered the living bus and had Brian in tow. “What about her niece?”

“Don’t think she wants to see her right now,” I mumbled.
“Poor littl’ thing,” he said and after telling the driver that we would leave now. We joined the silent group at the end of the vehicle and I put Val’s hand into mine and squeezed it. Only Kim’s sobs broke the silence and Johnny couldn’t bear it anymore and pulled her up, hold her face in his hands and looked right into her eyes. “Stop crying ‘bout this bastard. Forget ‘bout him! You’ll have us now, we’re your family and we’ll never hurt you. So dry your tears and stop crying, ‘cause that’s no pretty sight.”

“Short shit’s right,” I concurred.
“I love you,” she said and looked right at Val.
“We love you too, honey. And it hurts seeing you like this,” she said.
“Give me some time,” she said and stood up. She barely couldn’t stand alone, but then just walked away and headed upstairs. We still could hear her crying and it nearly broke my heart.