Changing Your Stars

I woke up curled into Zacky’s side, wrapped up in the warmth of his arms. If I never moved again I wouldn’t complain. I stretched wincing in pain slightly from the night before. Zacky had been wonderful, so amazingly sweet and gentle with me. I couldn’t tell you the amount of times he told me he loved me or that I repeated the same words back to him.

I looked up smiling at the site that met my eyes. Zacky’s hair was every which direction, falling to frame his almost angelic looking face. I had never seen anything as cute as him sleeping. I laid there silently committing every detail of him to memory. After today I wasn’t sure of when I would
see him next. My heart sank as I realized what today really was.

Today was the end of Zacky and I.

Before the tears could fall I carefully untangled myself from him and headed to the shower. I didn’t want to leave. I wanted to stay in Cali, with my friends, with Zacky. I couldn’t stop the tears suddenly flowing down my cheeks in rivers anymore then I could stop my small frame from shaking from the force of my sobs.

There was a soft knock on the door. “Babe?”

I gathered myself together enough to keep my voice from breaking. “Yeah?”

“You plan on staying in there all day?” I could hear the smile in his voice and could imagine the grin on his face.

“Yeah yeah yeah I’m getting out.” I said a small smile on my own face now. I dried off quickly and dressed opening the door to the sexiest sight I had ever seen. Most guys looked horrible when they first woke up but not Zacky. He looked sexy as hell with his bed head and still sleepy eyes. He made me want to force him back into that room and lock us in there until I missed my flight.

That of course couldn’t happen. I wasn’t going to miss my flight. Zacky reached out tracing his thumb over my pouting lip. “What’s wrong?”

I reached up taking his hand in mine, pulling it away from my face. “We need to talk.”

It was Zacky’s turn to frown. “I don’t like the sound of that.”

My frown deepened. “Me either but it’s true.”

“Fine we’ll talk when we get back to your house.” He said grabbing his stuff, including his keys
while I grabbed mine.

I tried to figure out just what to say to Zacky the whole way home. How to tell him that while I loved him I knew it would never work. He and the guys were getting serious about their music. They had all decided to get regular jobs for the time being and pour every dime and spare second they had into making music. Where did that leave me? I wasn’t like the rest of the girls who would be there as a physical reminder. I would be on the other side of the country missing him while he was too busy to even think of me.

All too soon we were at my house and I was having to face Zacky. We walked into the living room and I was thankful that Uncle Will wasn’t home yet. Of course Zacky didn’t let the silence last long. “So what did you want to talk about?”

I sat down across from him needing some distance between us to be able to actually do this. “Us.”

Zacky’s jaw clenched and I knew this wasn’t going to end well. I had been hoping we could do this civilized without yelling or hurtful words. “What about us?”

I lifted my eyes begging him to understand. “I’m moving across the country Zack.”

“Yeah and?” He said his jaw still tight as his eyes started to slowly darken.

“Please don’t make this hard.” I whispered softly.

Zacky leaped to his feet. “Don’t make this hard! You’re trying to fucking break up with me and I’m supposed to be fucking okay with this?”

I stood up too. He had to see this was the only way. We were never gonna last, I knew this. “Zack I’m going to be on the other side of the country while you’re here.”

“So.” He replied angrily.

“So you’re going to be putting all your energy into your music. You won’t have time for me.” My hands were flailing everywhere, something I did when I was upset while talking.

His eyes softened ever so softly. “I’ll always have time for you.”

I shook my head no. “No you won’t. You’ll mean well but there’s a huge time difference and by the time you remember me it’ll be too late to call. It’ll start out as talking every day then every other day, then once a week, then once a month and then one day you’ll wake up and it’ll be months since we’ve talked last.”

He walked over to me trying to put his arms around me put I put my hand out, keeping him at arm’s length. “Don’t do this to us Kinzi, not when we’re finally able to be together.”

“It’s better this way.” I forced the lie past my lips, somehow keeping my voice from showing the trembling that was happening on the inside. Truth was I love Zacky, I will always love Zacky no matter how far apart we were. But this was what was best. He needed to concentrate on becoming a famous rock star, not on -his high school girlfriend.

“That’s fucking bullshit and you know it Kinz.” He spat. I looked up and his eyes were a dark green, his anger was back hotter than ever.

I shook my head no. “I’m doing this for you. One day, you’ll see.”

Zacky snorted as his face turned into an ugly mask of hate. “Tell yourself whatever the fuck you need to to feel better about this shit. You’ve been looking for a reason to run since I first met you.
You’re fucking pathetic Kinzi and I’m a fucking fool for loving you.”

I watched numbly as he stormed to the front door. When he turned to look back at me the ice in his gaze chilled me to the bone. “When you realize you fucked up today do us both a favor and don’t fucking call me.”

The tears streamed down my face as soon as the door slammed closed behind him. I was still crying when Dani and Cam came to pick me up and take me to the air port.

Dani rushed over wrapping her arms around me immediately. “What’s wrong hunnie?”

“I broke up with Zacky.” I sobbed as I clung to her.

“Shit.” Cam whispered as she wrapped her arms around me too so that I was sandwiched
between the two of them.

Finally I wiped the tears away from my eyes. Zacky and I had never been meant to last. We were like fireworks. A beautiful awe inspiring flash of light in the sky that burned out in a blink of the eye, until you couldn’t tell they had been there at all. “I’m gonna miss my flight if we don’t leave soon.”

“You’ve figured out my evil plan.” Cam said with a maniacal laugh trying to make me smile.

I hugged them both tight before letting them go. “Come on already.”

--

We were standing outside of security saying our goodbyes. Everyone one was here, everyone but Zacky. Jimmy picked me up crushing me in a bone breaking hug. “Here. Take my lucky boxers.” He said handing me his ‘tickle this’ elmo boxers.

I laughed as I took them between my thumb and forefinger. “Tell me you washed them first.”

“Maybe.” He replied grinning like the wild man he was.

Dani hugged me next tears rolling down her eyes. “I’m gonna miss you! You better to promise to call me every day!”

I nodded feeling myself getting chocked up. Before she pulled away Cam hugged me too. I wrapped my arms around my two best friends knowing life was going to be so much harder without them with me. “What am I going to do without you guys?”

Cam pulled back grinning as she sniffled to keep from crying herself. “Stay out of trouble?”

I laughed. “Probably.”

Cam pulled out a small gold box smiling. “We wanted to give you a little something.”

“We?”

Dani smiled. “It’s from me and Cam. Now open it!”

I opened the small gold box pulling out a gold locket. I opened it and had to wipe away a tear that managed to escape. One side had a picture of me, Cam, and Dani on the other was inscribed ‘Best Groupies Ever, Even Better Friends’ and the date we had all met in September.

“Guys.” Was all I could get out. I couldn’t express what this meant to me. Not now, maybe not ever.

“My turn!” Brian hollered pushing the sisters out of the way. He hugged me tightly before shrugging out of his leather jacket and handing it to me. “Take it.”

My jaw went slack. That was his favorite jacket; he didn’t even let Cam wear it. “I can’t take that. It’s your favorite.”

Brian smiled at me. “Yeah well it gives me an excuse to buy another one.”

I hugged him again tightly as tears threatened to spill from my eyes. “Thanks Brian. I’ll take good care of it.”

He leaned over kissing my cheek, “I know.”

Johnny was next. He hugged me tight before handing me his favorite pair of shades. See the thing you need to know about Johnny was that he had a thing about shades. As a matter of fact we all gave him shit about how many pairs he had. “You’re giving me your shades?”

He shrugged. “They always looked better on you anyhow.”

I hugged him again. “Thanks John boy.”

“Just take care of yourself, okay?” When I nodded he let go and stepped back.

That left Matt and Val. True to form they hugged me at the same time. “We’re gonna miss you shortie.” Matt said smiling, his dimples popping out in the process.

“I’m gonna miss you guys too.”

Val handed me a rather large box. “Open it.”

I smiled and unwrapped it. Inside the box was a photo album filled with pictures of all of us over the past year. I hugged Val tightly. “It’s great. Thank you.”

She smiled at me when I pulled away. “Thought it would help when you got home sick.”

I wiped yet another stray tear away. I was proud of myself for not breaking down completely. I looked around my group of friends, at their sad faces. I loved them all and was going to miss them more than I ever thought possible.

I couldn’t help but notice who was missing as I looked at them. Secretly I had hoped he would show up, that we could make amends before I left, but it wasn’t in the cards. I had broken Zacky’s heart in my attempt to free him to live his life as he wanted and he hated me for it.
I put my gifts in my carryon bag and hugged my friends one final time. They were all hollering their goodbyes as I walked to security. I found my gate easily and barely made my flight on time. As soon as I was in my seat I put my walkman on and pressed play.

All of a sudden I heard the beginning of ‘Nothing Else Matters’ by Metallica. Only it wasn’t James Hetfield’s voice, it was Zacky….

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
'Cause nothing else matters

I never opened myself this way
Life is ours, we do it our way
All these words I just don't say
'Cause nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
But I know

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
'Cause nothing else matters

Never cared for what they do, no
Never cared for what they know, no
Never cared for what they do, no
But I know

Trust I seek and I find in you
Every day for us, something new
Open mind for a different view
'Cause nothing else matters

Never cared for what they say
Never cared for games they play
Never cared for what they do
Never cared for what they know
And I know

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
'Cause nothing else matters

Zacky’s beautiful voice and his amazing playing slowly faded out. “I love you Kinzington Peace Rubin and I always will. Never doubt that babe.”

Fresh tears rolled down my cheeks as full on sobs racked me earning me weird looks from the people sitting around me, but I didn’t care. I would never care about anything ever again.

How could I?

I had left my heart in California, in the hands of a boy named Zacky Baker.

If only he knew.