Shape of My Heart

“I tried to go on like I never knew you. I’m awake but my world is half asleep. I pray for this heart to be unbroken, but without you all I’m going to be is incomplete.” Nick was singing down the hall in his room so I decided to visit him.

“That sounded really good.” I smiled. “Can I come in?” Nick looked up from his guitar and nodded. “I’ve always loved that song.” I sat down next to him. “Who was it written for?”

“You.” My heart skipped a beat. “Well, the chorus anyway. It was when you got your first boyfriend and he never let you see me.” He looked up at me. “I missed my best friend.” Another pang to the heart. Where were all these feelings coming from?! I don't see Nick like that.. do I? I used to… but there’s no way those feelings could come back. My heart was just trying to find something mend itself from Aaron, and Nick’s been the only guy to make any attempt to heal my heart. I shook my head.

“I missed you too, Nick.” I smiled at him.

“You gotta stop doing that!” Nick groaned and stood up.

“Doing what?” I asked, offended. Nick sighed and set his guitar to the side

“Being so damn cute! Making me want to kiss you all the damn time!” He ran his hands through his hair frustrated.

“Well, I’m so sorry for being me! I’ll try to be less ‘cute’ next time we talk.” I rolled my eyes and walked out of his room.

“Katie! That’s not what I meant.” Nick ran after me and grabbed my arm. “It’s just… I don’t understand why I want to kiss you all of the sudden. Why every time I see you I have the urge to kiss you.” He shook his head.

“Well, you need to find a way to stop those urges, okay? I’ve already been threatened by Marcy. I don’t need another reason for her to hate me.” I jerked my arm out of his hand and went back to my room. I slammed the door behind me and sat down on my bed. “Damn pop stars.” I muttered to myself right as Nick busted through my door.

“I can’t stop the urges, Katie. Not since I kissed you after my first concert!” He yelled at me and right as I went to yell back, his lips crashed onto mine. I tried to find it inside me to push him away, but I couldn’t. Our lips moved in sync and just as the kiss reached the peak, I found the will to push him away.

“Nick, we can’t. You have a girlfriend.” I whispered out of breath.

“You can’t tell me you didn’t feel anything.” He whispered and tried to kiss me again.

“Nick, stop.” I held my hand up. “I did feel something, but I’m not sure if it was you, or me trying to get over what happened with me and Aaron, okay?” I felt my throat closing up.

“Fine.” He whispered and pushed himself off the bed. “I understand. I’m really sorry, Katie. This shouldn’t have happened.” He touched his lips. “I’ll see you at dinner, later?” I nodded in response. “Okay.” He left and closed the door behind him. I touched my lips. There was something there. I know there was, but I didn’t want to hurt Nick if it wasn’t real. If it was just my heart telling me to get over Aaron when I wasn’t ready. I curled up into a ball on my bed, and cried.