Trashed & Scattered

"Skylar hun you need to get up." I sighed and sat up at the sound of Val's voice. 

"I just talked to Thor, he said you're appointment is in about an hour so you need to get up."

"Ok, thanks." She smiled slightly and walked away from my bunk. I noticed it was still dark outside and the bus was completely silent. The guys must be sleeping.

I quietly slid out of my bunk and searched through my suitcase for my clothes, deciding on a grey hoodie and blue sweat shorts.  I tossed my hair up into a messy bun and headed for the bathroom. 

After changing into the clothes I quickly brushed my teeth and washed my face. On these days I tended to dress like a bum.

When I finished up I walked back to the bunks and put on my converse. I smiled to myself as I walked to the front of the bus. Val was quietly singing and dancing around while she made us some food.

"Good song eh?" My laughter was barely held in as she spun on her heels to glare playfully at me.

"Oh shut up. So how exactly does this work?" I smiled lightly and thanked her as he put some French toast on a plate for me.

I took a small bite before answering.

"Well, basically we just go to the hospital. I get my blood drawn and then we wait around for a bit. They get the levels back and that will say whether or not I'll need a transfusion. If I do it usually takes two to three hours until that's done. After that we're free to leave."

"Sounds like a long day." I sighed at Val's comment. I really hated bringing others into this. 

"Val you really don't have to do this. I'm sure I could manage it on my own. I really don't want to bother you with this stuff." I avoided her gaze as I spoke. I almost knew exactly what she was going to say. 

"Nonsense. You said Joelle and Thor are the only other ones that know about it. And I'm not letting you go there by yourself. It's really no bother hun."

I nodded silently and stood to rinse off my now empty plate. It was now 6:30 so we had to leave.

"Where are we anyways?" I turned to look out the window as I spoke. Val chuckled before answering.

"Somewhere outside of Colorado. We're about two hours from our next stop but we don't have a show until tomorrow night so we're in the free."

"Ok well I guess we should go then huh?" 

"Yea, We're actually only a twenty minute walk from the hospital. You up for it?"

I nodded my head eagerly. 

"Yea it'll be nice to be able to stretch my legs for a bit. But how are we getting back?"

"Oh um, one of the guys are going to pick us up. But not from the hospital. We'll just walk to the stores across the street so it won't look suspicious."

"Ok that's fine." I had to laugh as she sighed in relief. She probably thought I would get mad or something. I'm not that rude.

"Well let's get to walking darling." I smiled and followed her out of the bus. 

The sun was just beginning to rise so it was still cool outside. I tucked my hands into my hoodie pocket as we trudged down the streets. It was a quiet morning thankfully.

"So what's exactly happens with the anemia?" Val looked almost nervous when she asked about it. I don't blame her, I had been rather bitchy when the guys brought up anything related to my health.

"Well my blood cells don't really reproduce right so the levels tend to get really low. Like the hemoglobin which is basically red blood cells they should be up at 12 thousand as a minimum. Mine are usually anywhere from 5 something to 9 something. The lowest they have ever been was like 3." I left out the part about it almost killing me.

"And the platelets which help the blood clot should be around 90 or higher if I remember correctly and mine have been staying below 70. That's why my nose bled so much. The blood took a while to clot. And with the levels being low my blood gets thinner, which explains the amount of blood."

"Does it ever hurt?" My eyes trailed over her face, she looked sincerely worried.

"Well after the levels get so low I get these splitting headaches that never go away. But other than that it's not really painful. Usually I get to weak to even stand for more than five seconds and I would sleep constantly. Oh and I get as pale as a ghost and my lips turn blue. So it's not really painful so much as a pain in the ass."

"Oh...well what are the pulls for?"

"Uh. Well the cyclosporine is an immune suppressant. That basically shuts down my immune system so it can basically reboot itself. This supposedly allows for the bone marrow to grow or whatever and I guess it helps with the reproduction of the red blood cells. And as for the other pills, they just prevent seizures. I have to take those with the cyclosporine because if those levels get to high I would have a seizure."

"Oh, wow. I really don't know what to say. I've never had to deal with anything like that before."

"It's fine. I'm pretty used to it by now. I've had it for almost nine years."

She smiled sadly as we approached the hospital. The twenty minutes went by a little too fast for my liking.

We quickly entered into the building and turned to the map board thing. I glanced down the list to find the oncology outpatient clinic. 

"Fifth floor. You want the stairs or elevator?" I always take the stairs but I would do what she wanted since she had been kind enough to come with me.

"Um elevator I guess." I nodded and walked with her to the closest ones. The silver on them showed nothing but our reflections. Val looked extremely nervous which only made me feel worse about putting her in this situation.

The bell dinges and we quickly stepped in before hitting the button for the fifth floor.

Nothing was said as we entered the oncology clinic. I quickly walked up to the window and signed in before guiding Val to the seats. 

"If you want you can sit out here or something. You don't have to come in with me. Your looking a little faint."

"No its ok. I just don't know what to expect."

"It's really not that bad. But if you need to leave at any point just go ahead. I'll understand." She nodded her head as she glanced around. I get the feeling she wasn't really a fan golf hospitals. Can't say I was either.

I quickly stood as my name was called. We followed the grey haired lady back into one of the patient rooms. Val sat on the rocking chair as I took the bed. I slid off my shoes knowing we would be here for a while.

A few seconds later the old lady came back holding a cloth looking thing that was rolled up.

After setting it down she unrolled it to display a butterfly needle and a variety of plastic tubes. 

I pulled up the sleeve to my hoodie as she prepped the needle. The smile remained on my face as I glanced over at Val reassuringly. She only gave a weak smile back.

"So Skylar, how have you been feeling?" The old lady seemed really nice.

"Pretty decent recently."

"That's good sweetie." I gave her a smile as she counted to three before sliding the needle into my arm.

I flinched slightly at the sting of it but smiled once again as it went away. She filled the three tubes with blood before taking the needle back out.

"Ok you just sit tight and I'll be back shortly with the results."

"Thank you." She smiled sweetly as she left the room.

"Well I guess that wasn't too bad."

I chuckled lightly at Val who seemed relieved. 

"Nah. It usually takes about half an hour for the results to come back. You can watch some tv." I tossed her the remote that was laying beside me.

The room remained silent except for the sounds of the tv as Saved by the Bell played over the screen. 

About 45 minutes later the nurse walked back in. 

"Well I'm sorry to say it but you need a transfusion hun. Your Platelets are ok today but the hemoglobin is at 7.2"

"Ok, thank you."

"No problem dear. I'll just go get you the medicine. The blood has been ordered so it should arrive here shortly." I nodded my head as she left the room.

"Dammit. I was really hoping we wouldn't be here very long."

"Well the guys are probably just gonna hang out around town so we should be in the clear."

"Ok." We continued watching tv until the lady came back.

She handed me a cup of water along with two Tylenol and a benadryl. I quickly placed the pills int mouth and washed them down with the water. 

She left without a word to go get the blood. 

"Ok so I'm probably gonna be dead witting the next half our so if you get hungry or something you can just go down to the cafeteria. The food isn't to bad usually. This takes anywhere from two to three hours so we've got time to kill."

"Ok. Sounds good." The room once again became silent as we sat there. 

The old lady came back in wheeling along the iv machine thing too. I placed my right hand on the table beside me so she could place the iv in. I grimaced from the pain. My hand was usually the most painful place for ivs but it was the least troublesome. 

After a few moments she left the room. At the rate the blood was being pumped in I knew I would be in pain for a while but I'd rather it be fast. That meant we could leave sooner.

After about half an hour it was all I could do to keep my eyes open. My  wrist was aching horribly from the blood being pumped into my body. I was nearly in tears but I kept them back so Val wouldn't notice.

But I guess that didn't work very well.

"Are you ok? You look like you're in pain."

"No I'm fine." I bit my lip to keep back the whimper I was fighting. My words were slurred from the pill induced drowsiness.

"I can tell you're lying."

"It's fine Val. My hand hurts a little but I can handle it. I think I'll just take a quick nap though." She nodded skeptically before I rolled onto my side and faced the wall. 

I closed my eyes and allowed the sleep to consume me.

--------

"Skylar...Skylar hun it's time to go."

I groaned as I rolled onto my back, wincing at the ache in my arm. The tv was off and all remnants of any medical supplies had vanished. 

"I think my nap lasted a little longer than planned eh?" She chuckled but helped me sit up. I was still tired and knew it was only a matter of time before I passed out again. 

I could feel my hands shaking as I slid my shoes back on. After taking a deep breath I forced myself to my feet, holding onto the bed rail to keep from toppling over. I laughed quietly at my very unstable self. 

"Do you think you can walk?"

"Yea I'll be fine." She nodded skeptically as she wrapped an arm around my waist. We made our way out the door and back to the elevator. I smiled and waved at the nurse who had dealt with me.

It took us longer than it should have to make our way outside. The sunlight practically blinded me. 

"So who's coming to get us?"

"Matt and Brian. The rest of the guys were busy doing...well I'm not sure exactly."

I chuckled as we made our way across the street. We had just managed to sit down on a bench when the boys pulled up alongside the curb. 

I forced a smile toy face and pushed away the feeling of weakness as I stood. Val made a move to wrap an arm around me again but I shook my head.

"I can walk to the car." I laughed slightly before walking over. I knew by the look on her face that if I made the slightest movement of falling she would catch me. 

I breathed deeply as I opened the car door, ignoring the glances of the two guys in the front. I carefully slid in, making sure it wasn't obvious that I almost collapsed into the seat.

Val went around and slid in the other side after she made sure I was in. I could tell the boys were suspicious of something but had no idea.

"So what were you guys up to?" Matt's eyes caught mine in the rearview mirror.

"Oh we just wanted to walk around for a bit." I smiled thankfully at Val as I payed my head against the cool glass. My body was still shaking slightly at the effort I had made just to get to the car. 

I felt eyes on me as mine fell shut, but I didn't have enough energy to open them again. I heard whispers around me but couldn't focus enough to understand what they were saying.

Moments later I drifted into unconsciousness.

-----------

"Hey Brian can you carry her in please. Those pills really knocked her out."

"What exactly did she take?"

"Just some Tylenol for a headache."

"Damn." I shifted in my seat as I felt myself being lifted. A small whimper escaped my lips as my hand hit something. I could hear them talking but couldn't really force myself awake yet.

"Careful!"

"Sorry." 

When It finally registered in my mind what was happening I forced my eyes open. I found myself in Brian's arms as he started to set me down in my bunk.

"Sorry I didn't mean to wake you up." His face held a small smile as he moved his arms away from me. I was laying on my side facing him.

"It's fine, I should probably get up anyways." 

He looked as if he wanted to protest but I sent him a small smile of reassurance.

"Damn you must have hit the door pretty hard. That's one hell of a bruise." I raised a questioning eyebrow as I glanced down at my hand. The whole area around where the iv was had turned completely blue.

"Shit." 

"I'll get you an ice pack."

"Oh no you dot have to do that. I was just gonna get a hot wash cloth. I usually prefer the heat anyways." The heat helps dull the ache that the transfusions leave me with.

"I'll get it." Before I could protest he left the area. I sighed before standing and making my way to the lounge area.

"Ah it's alive!" I laughed mockingly at Johnny's comment before plopping down on the couch beside Val. All the guys aside from Brian were sitting on the floor playing Call of Duty. Moments later Brian emerged from the back of the bus holding a wash cloth. I smiled at him thankfully as he took the seat on the other side of me.

"So how was your walk?" I smiled secretively at Val.

"Pretty good. The fresh air was nice."

"That's good." I gently placed the wash cloth over my hand, wincing slightly. Maybe I should have had the nurse slow it down a bit. I carefully lifted the corner of the cloth checking on my suspicion.

I was correct, I had blown a vein. No wonder it hurt like a bitch.

"Let me see it." I glanced up nervously at Brian. 

"No it's fine, just a little sore." 

"Seriously just let me see it." I rolled my eyes, at this point I was too exhausted to argue.
 
I placed my hand in his, ignoring the tingled that seemed to run throughout it. I could feel my face heating up but pushed the feeling away.

He carefully removed the cloth and gently ran his fingers over the blue area. I winced slightly as he pressed down on it.

"You barely tapped the door, how did it leave this big of a bruise?"

"I..I just bruise easily is all." My eyes flickered over to Val who was fidgeting slightly. I knew this would be hard on her to keep this from the rest of the group. They were her family.

"Oh. I think something stabbed you when you hit your hand." I couldn't help but laugh as I glanced down at the mark the needle left.

"Uh yea I guess. I don't really remember much." Val snickered beside me but covered it up with a cough when I poked her. 

"So how long till we get to the venue?" I glanced over at Brian as he placed the warm cloth back on my hand.

"About an hour and a half I think." I nodded my head before stretching out. My head was in Val's lap and my feet dangled over the edge where I had been sitting. I sat like that for about two minutes before Brian grabbed my legs and placed them in his lap. I felt a blush creep across my face when he smiled at me.

"That didn't look very comfortable." I cracked a smile before replying to his comment.

"Try sleeping in the front seat of a car for a week straight."

He raised a questioning eyebrow to which I responded.

"Joelle and I drove out here from Ohio. We slept in the car to save money."

"That's not very safe you know."

"Well neither is hitchhiking, but we're alive aren't we?"

I cringed as Val smacked me over the head with a pillow but ignored the glare she gave me only laughing it off. Everyone glanced at me with shock on their faces, the game being forgotten.

"Holy shit were you trying to get yourselves killed?!" Matt's eyes were wide and his voice loud. This only made me laugh harder.

"No not really. I can't believe you guys are that worked up over this. We've done stupider shit than that." By this point everyone had turned to face me.

"Like what exactly?" Zacky's question made me consider which events I should keep to myself. 

"Well there was this time we hooked ourselves to the back of a car with a rope wearing nothing but bikinis and roller blades. Thank god we were in the grass. I bit the dirt pretty hard on that one."

I had to stop talking because the laughter throughout the bus grew so loud. When they finally quieted down a little I thought of another one.

"Then there was the time I stuffed myself in a barrel and rolled down an extremely steep hill...which just so happened to have a highway running through the middle of it. Oh and my favorite time was when we  decided it would be fun to climb this extremely tall tree in her backyard, well she got a little over halfway up and looked down. She was too scared to move so I went up to get her. Yea I was about a foot below her when she told me not to look down, which of course made me look down. We were stuck in that damn tree for three hours until her mom got home."

"Oh my god. I'm afraid to say this but....you two are worse than Jimmy." Johnny was choking on his laughter.

 I was officially crying from laughter at this point, recalling all the crazy stuff we did. She really was my other half.

"Ok I officially love you." I laughed as Jimmy tackled me in a hug, resulting in me laying facedown on the floor. The landing was slightly painful but I was laughing to hard forbid to fully register. 

I just laid there as the bus quieted down. The floor really wasn't too uncomfortable. Silence surrounded us until I squealed. Someone had decided it would be a good idea to poke me in the side. 

"Jimmy if you poke me again I swear I'll..." my words were interrupted by another squeal as it exited my mouth. I couldn't help but giggle at the look on Jimmy's face. He was clearly entertained.

This went on for a good five minutes while everyone continued to laugh at the noises I was making.  Finally when he tried to poke my face I bit his finger. I almost died of laughter when he screamed like a little girl and ran from the room screaming something about rabies.

the guys went back to playing with the x box as I laid on the floor behind them. Well Brian was just watching from his seat on the couch. I yawned and laid my head down on my arms as I watched the tv screen.

Val stood from the couch and drug me to my feet. 

"Hey I was rather comfy down there." A stern look crossed her face as she pointed to the couch. 

"Ok mother I'll sit on the couch. Damn your almost as bad as Joelle." a giggle erupted from my mouth as she shoved me back onto the couch with a huff. I landed on my back with my head in Brian's lap. 

My cheeks immediately flushed from embarrassment. I quickly covered my face with my arm and muttered a quiet apology to which he laughed.

"Nah it's fine." He spoke quietly so the words were only heard by me. 

I smiled slightly as his hand ran absentmindedly through my hair. I loved when people did that. It always calmed me and it felt amazing. I removed my arm from my face and glanced up at him. 

His smile sent a shiver down my spine, and his smell was intoxicating.

I carefully rolled onto my side facing the tv as the boys' game continued. My hand played with a loose string on Brian's jeans. After a few moments my eyes became heavy as Brian's hand repeatedly ran through my hair.

Not too long after my eyes closed, and not even the yelling of the grown men sitting in front of me could keep me awake.