Go Your Own Way

“I love you baby,” I kissed her cheek and waved as they walked out the door, Cole gave me a kiss on the head before she left and I closed my eyes as soon as the door closed. “Travis would you call the nurse back in here to get Harper before I fall asleep, please?”

“Yeah of course,” he stood up and went and got the nurse without a second thought, as soon as the nurse came and went with my daughter, it got quiet before he spoke up. “Can I ask a question?”

“Yeah,” I said softly, trying to stay awake long enough to answer it.

“Why did you and your husband split up?” Travis asked, kicking his feet up on the end of the bed.

“It’s a long story,” I said, hesitantly. Wondering if I could spit it out if I wanted too.

“I have time,” he said, simply.

“Brian is a guitarist for a well-known band, when he went on tours I’d be left at home doing nothing for months at a time. The day before he was supposed to be back, my cousin and my sister talked me into going out clubbing with them, I ran it past Brian and he was fine with it. I was only going to have a few drinks, come back home and curl up in bed so I could wake up to him coming in like every other time we were away from one another, except that’s not how it happened. I got drunk, I think one of the guys I danced with drugged my drink or gave me some heavy liquor, because I am a lightweight when it comes to alcohol. I don’t remember anything, I just woke up the next morning to this man in bed with me, Brian came home and he was calm about it, we talked it out,” I paused my long winded explanation to swallow the lump in my throat.

“If he was okay with it, why aren’t you together?” he interjected.

“He was okay with it, hurt and betrayed but he instantly forgave me because he had been drugged when we were teenagers by his ex-girlfriend and I forgave him for sleeping with her, but I couldn’t handle the guilt of knowing that I have cheated on the man I loved more than life, we’d been together for more than a decade and I’d never thought of cheating,” I stopped to sigh and run a hand through my hair. “I knew he could do much better than me, especially when I found out I was pregnant by the man I’d slept with, so I asked for a divorce.”

“Why are you with me? Why are you even trying to be with anyone else besides that man, you clearly still love him,” Travis leaned forward and stared at me with wide brown eyes.

“Because I need to be happy with myself again, I want to be happy with someone that isn’t Brian because I can’t forgive myself,” I whispered it so softly; I doubted that he even heard me.

“You’re going to have to learn to forgive yourself or you’ll never be happy,” he said softly. “I really like you, Bliss. I don’t want to see you miserable, if you want to go back to him, I’m not going to stop you.”

“I don’t want Brian,” I said sternly. “I do want him but I want him to be with someone better even more, I want you. I have strong feelings for you, it’s like I’m learning what love is all over again.”

“We’ll take it a day at a time,” he said softly and I left it at that, I didn’t have anything else to say and I really wanted to sleep some before the nurses came back in to check me out.

~*~*~*~

“You get to see your uncle Zacky for the second time, maybe this time you’ll focus and actually recognize him,” I spoke softly to my two week old daughter, who I was watching in her car seat as I waited at the end of the convenience store parking lot for Zacky to pull up. “But no pressure because he isn’t going anywhere soon.”

I touched the tip of her caramel nose and smiled, she reached out and grabbed my finger and I let her play with it until I heard a car pull up behind me. “Hey mom,” I heard Danielle call out.

“Hey babe, hey Zack come here and watch her twitch her nose when I talk to her, it’s cute as hell,” I giggled slightly and turned around to find Zacky but came up empty handed. “Um…where’s Zacky?”

“With Aunt Keran at Reed’s doctor’s appointment,” Danielle explained the absence of Zacky Baker but that didn’t tell me who drove them to meet me.

“Who brought you? You didn’t drive yourself,” I paused and glanced at Jacoby. “Please tell me you didn’t carjack someone’s car.”

“Mom,” he groaned and rolled his eyes dramatically.

“He didn’t carjack my car but he has tried,” his voice made my stomach knot up with panic like I’d dropped it off a three story balcony. “Hope you don’t mind that I drove them.”

“I don’t mind, just figured that you were busy,” I smiled politely and awkwardly waved Brian over. “Come here, someone else besides me has to see how cute this is.”

Brian watched from over my shoulder as I made funny faces and spoke in baby language until she cracked a grin and blew a bubble, when she did, she twitched her nose and looked adorably like a bunny rabbit. “That’s so sweet,” Brian leaned down against my shoulder and touched her nose softly. “Hey beautiful, your just so cute.”

“Mom can we have burgers tonight?” Jacoby pulled his backpack up on his shoulder and asked me in a voice that slightly imitated his father’s exhausted tone.

“Yeah, I’ll make burgers for dinner,” I laughed softly and moved to let him in the seat beside Harper. I shut the door and turned around to Brian. “I was going to call and ask if I could have them for longer than the weekend, I really miss my kids-“