You Can't Tell Me to Heal

“Wh-Whoa,” I heard Avery breathe when she saw all our fans lined up outside the venue.

“I know, we’re just so popular,” I said with a smirk. Avery rolled her eyes, but I knew she was excited. I had a feeling Augustana would bring out her inner fan girl.

We’d spent the whole day together because today was the last day I would see her for…a good few months. Avery refused to talk about me leaving or how we would keep this relationship working, which was fine with me. We didn’t need to talk. We already knew we’d make it through tour just fine. She was driving and I sat shotgun. The bus was already at the venue, and I took all my packed bags over this morning before going to Avery’s house.

“Ok, you’re gonna get jumped by loads of screaming teenagers the second you step outside of my car, aren’t you?” Avery asked dryly as she parked.

I hung my name badge around my neck, slipping one over Avery’s head, too, before I got out to open her door for her. “Hide me,” I joked, hugging her from behind as she walked towards the concert venue.

“Where do we go?”

“Up those stairs,” I told her, but it was too late – we’d been spotted.

“John Oh?” a small group of girls hesitantly asked, approaching me with sharpies in and shoes already in their arms.

And so it begins… I sighed softly, but straightened to my full height, giving the girls a friendly smile. “Hi.” They all squealed at the same time. Avery pressed her face to my chest, hiding her smirk and trying to stifle her laugh. “Be nice,” I leaned down to murmur into her ear, lightly biting it before looking at the girls again.

“Are you guys together?” One girl asked with the most heartbroken expression on her face.

“Yes,” Avery and I said in unison. We laughed at that and I kissed her in front of them without a care in the world. I did get around to signing their shoes, iPods, cell phones, and whatnot, of course, but we had to get inside the venue after a while.

“Are you mad?” I asked Avery, concerned with her silence. “You know those girls are just fans, right? I was just being friendly. They’re nothing to me, Avery.”

“They can’t be ‘nothing’ to you, they’re your fans! You owe everything to ‘those girls’,” Avery pointed out, bumping her hip into mine.

I grabbed her hand. “Ok, you’re right, but you just scared me for a second there… I’d never leave you for a fan, Avery. And…I-I don’t think I ever will. Will you leave me?”

Avery’s eyes watered, but she just pushed me into the wall and roughly kissed me. It caught me off guard, but I wasn’t about to stop her… “We kind of have sound check, so if you’re done sucking her face off, can you get your ass over here, John?” Garrett oh-so-kindly interrupted our heated make out session. Avery giggled, but I sighed and followed Garrett over to the stage to practice.

“Avery!” Shannon exclaimed from the other end of the stage. She was with Megan and Chloe, also here to watch the show tonight. I was glad Avery was distracted. I found Austin and Dan in the lounge, drinking some Coronas already.

“Hey, guys, can I ask a huge favor of you?” They looked at me like I’d grown another head. “It’s nothing major, I swear, I just… could you guys, um, could you play your songs, ‘Complete’ and ‘Sweet and Low’ tonight? It’s my girlfriend’s first time at a concert, and she fucking loves you guys and your music,” I laughed, grabbing a Corona for myself.

“Why don’t you play a song for her?” Austin asked.

“Oh, believe me, we will. I wrote a song about her, of course we’re playing it tonight! It’s just… ‘Complete’ is just – I want her to hear those words, because your lyrics say how I feel when I’m with her better than I can, Austin,” I admitted.

“Sweet and Low?” Dan repeated while Austin just stood there in silence. “Sure thing,John. Will she stick around to hang out afterwards? I wanna meet the girl who’s got you so whipped,” he teased. “We’ll go one before you guys tonight, since it’s your hometown show and everything. Come out and sing it with me, alright?”

“For sure!” Dan high fived me before heading out of the room.

“You really love this girl, don’t you?” Austin asked quietly now that we were alone.

I laughed shakily. “I can’t even begin to tell you just how much I love her.”

“Well, sure, I’ll play it for you guys, of course I will, bro,” Austin mumbled in a low voice, and we did that whole man hug thing. “I’ve gotta go and tell the guys, though, and I’m pretty sure you need to get on the stage for sound check, so peace out.”

I nodded and we walked our separate ways. I didn’t want to play that special song until the actual show, though, so Avery wouldn’t hear it beforehand. I was nervous – playing a song at a show without practicing it at the venue. I hoped I didn’t fuck anything up…

“…and so much more,” we finished our new version of Everything I Ask For. It was the last song we needed to practice. I needed a drink…and thankfully, Avery brought me a nice, ice cold bottle of water.

“I like your songs, John,” she said as we sat down together on the edge of the stage.

“Oh, please, I know you just want to see Dan Layus playing the piano,” I teased her, making her laugh.

“I know he’s married, John.”

“Alright, whatever you say…”

Avery just rested her head on my shoulder. I was so stoked for the show.


“I know this is an old song, but my friend John asked me to play it,” Austin told the crowd as he placed his capo on the fourth fret of his acoustic guitar. Avery and I were watching from side stage, Avery in front of me because she was shorter than me. “For him and his girlfriend.”

The crowd erupted into “Aww”s and Avery turned to glare at me. “This song is called ‘Complete’,” Austin said before the fans screamed and he started playing the song.

Avery inevitably smiled at the lyrics of the song. She hugged me tightly and we ended up swaying back and forth, kind of slow dancing to the song. Austin jokingly pretended to gag during a break in the song when he saw us, but I just ignored it.

I felt Avery press a kiss to my neck and mutter “I love you” when Austin finished.

“Yeah, I think you do,” I teased when I let go of her so she could meet the members of Augustana. I was right. She had a total fan girl moment. She gasped when she saw them all, and started babbling about how she loved their music, and had me take pictures of her with them – first as a band, then with each individual member – on her phone.

“Well, we need to get on stage now, but we can talk more later, alright, Avery?” Dan said with a laugh, hugging her before walking onto the stage with the rest of his band members.

Avery was still standing there, her jaw slack. I laughed and shook my head, waving a hand in front of her eyes. “Did I really just meet Dan Layus?” she choked out, scrolling through the photos in her phone like she needed proof. “Oh. My. God!”

Avery really enjoyed their set. She was so, so happy it was ridiculous. “So, this is another song for John and his girlfriend,” Dan started to say, nodding at us. The look on Avery’s face was priceless. “It’s called ’Sweet and Low’.” Avery looked at Dan, then me, then leaned back on the wall and slumped down to the ground. I thought she fainted, but when I helped her back up, her eyes were shining with tears.

“Avery? Why are you crying?” I asked worriedly, but I heard Dan approaching the chorus of the song, so I quickly ran out on stage and grabbed a mic.

“Hold me down sweet and low, little girl. Hold me down sweet and low and I’ll carry you home. Hold me down sweet and low, little girl. Hold me down…and I’ll carry you home.”

Avery’s hands covered her wide grin, tears flowing down her face. I guess she was crying out of happiness? I saw her swaying and singing along to the song, so I guess so. When Dan finished the song, though, he wouldn’t let me off the stage. “Hey, do you guys to meet John’s girlfriend?” he asked the crowd, throwing his arm over my shoulder and preventing me from escaping. The crowd yelled in agreement, and Austin pushed Avery onto the stage.

She had that typical deer in headlights look on her face, but I motioned for her to come over to me. When she did, I hugged her tight and she buried her face into my chest, so the crowd went “Awww.” I knew they would secretly hate her, though. I kissed her onstage, and suddenly, there was no stage. There was no crowd, no band equipment, no other people but me and Avery.

I'd miss this so much on tour.