A Bleeding Lily
The Loss Of You
14 April 2008 {Monday}
Therapy. I heard it called ther-rape-me in a movie once, that's kind of accurate. You feel violated, watching this person you don't know try to size you up, wanting to know your deepest secrets. I don't want to tell him anything. But I know the point of the whole thing is to talk, something I can't bring myself to do. I guess I was more comfortable than last time but it was still so unnerving and surreal.
Your pen died. I used it all up, dried it out. It's all spent on a bunch of stupid doodles. Blue swirls of thorns and droplets -- tears or maybe blood, I don't know for sure.
You know, the more I think about it, the less I understand you. Why would you ever want to be friends with me? I'm nowhere near as smart or funny or kind as you. Maybe that's why you were friends with me, you were too nice.
And one more "what if" has started crossing my mind:
What if you had never befriended me? Would you have taken that walk with someone else? Or would you have stayed home that night? Maybe you'd still be alive. Or maybe you wouldn't.
What if you had never befriended me? Would my life be better, never having to know the loss of you?
Therapy. I heard it called ther-rape-me in a movie once, that's kind of accurate. You feel violated, watching this person you don't know try to size you up, wanting to know your deepest secrets. I don't want to tell him anything. But I know the point of the whole thing is to talk, something I can't bring myself to do. I guess I was more comfortable than last time but it was still so unnerving and surreal.
Your pen died. I used it all up, dried it out. It's all spent on a bunch of stupid doodles. Blue swirls of thorns and droplets -- tears or maybe blood, I don't know for sure.
You know, the more I think about it, the less I understand you. Why would you ever want to be friends with me? I'm nowhere near as smart or funny or kind as you. Maybe that's why you were friends with me, you were too nice.
And one more "what if" has started crossing my mind:
What if you had never befriended me? Would you have taken that walk with someone else? Or would you have stayed home that night? Maybe you'd still be alive. Or maybe you wouldn't.
What if you had never befriended me? Would my life be better, never having to know the loss of you?
♠ ♠ ♠
Sorry it took so long for me to update -[death of internet + death of computer + writer's block...]
Tell me what you think.
~aep