Innocence

Raiden and Ben had officially been living with us for a month. Summer was half over and I was not anticipating the school year I would have to share with Raiden. It seemed like my mom was serious about Ben. And it was strange to see. They were planning the wedding for sometime soon. And as I dreaded, I discovered that being the maid of honor would fall on me.

So that's why I was now spending my Friday night in a dress shop with my mom, Ben, and of course the lovely Raiden.

I was standing awkwardly inside the dressing room with several dresses hung on a hook. Everyone was waiting outside for me. My mom, for some reason, decided to let me have the most extravagant dress of the bridesmaids and wanted to take me separate of them. i could care less, I didn't want her to get married. It just wasn't right. She belonged with me dad.. No matter how impossible it is. When the love of your life dies, you can't just find someone new. Life just doesn't work out that way.

My eyes looked over the first dress and I hesitantly put it on. It was a long dress and salmon pink. I t was kinda pretty but it just wasn't me. I zipped it up myself without a problem and then took a deep breath. I stepped out of the dressing room and out onto the lobby area which was surrounded by mirrors. My mom looked at me with a big smile. She was clutching Ben's hand and he was also smiling.

Raiden, was rolling his eyes but his face held that stupid smirk. I held my hands out in wait of a response.

My mom clutched her hands together. "Oh, sweetie. You look so great! So mature! I just don't think that's the dress."

"I agree with your mother." Ben added.

Annoyed I turned around and zipped back into the dressing room. Next I put on long satin purple dress that had one shoulder. I looked into the mirror in the dressing room and sighed. The dress made me look fat. It just made me look all over terrible. And since I wasn't the most tall girl it made me look stubby. Don't get me wrong. It was a very pretty dress.. on the hanger.

I cracked open the door to the and poked my head out. "Can I just vote 'no' and not come out?"

"October, get out here now."

"No."

I heard my mom make a sad sound. "Please."

"Dammit."

I walked out and spun around mockingly. I watched her teeth press together and her lips pull over them in a way that she look like she hated it. There was no way I'd wear this dress anyways, so it didn't really matter.

Ben was trying to smile the best he could and in a chair away from the both of them Raiden was rolling in laughter. I scowled at him.

"Um.. You look great dear, just not the dress.."

"I like it." Ben lied. And I knew he was lying because of the obvious forced smile that was painted onto his face.

I shifted my weight awkwardly. "I'm taking it off." I said curtly.

Without further discussion, I walked back into the dressing room and sighed in relief realizing I had two more dresses left. And hopefully, one would be the one.

Next was a short blue dress that was very simple. I put it on and struggled to zip it up. After I got it on I smacked myself in the face. I looked awful. The dress hugged my curves in the wrong way and the top hardly fit my chest, my boobs were practically spilling out.

Sighing, I walked out of the dressing room and just gave my mom a glare. "Why the fuck did you pick out any of these dresses? These are terrible!"

My mom grimaced and opened her mouth to speak but by the look on her face I knew she didn't like it and I fled for the dressing room.

The last dress was also purple like one of the others but this was strapless with a sweetheart neckline. It had lots of wrinkles and clingy spots and on the hips portion on one side was a silver broach. I struggled to get it on and then tried to zip up the long daunting zipper. I rolled my eyes even though nobody could see and I called out for my mom.

No answer.

"Mother, I need help."

Silence.

I groaned and opened the door and Raiden was standing by the door with a smirk. I looked around him for my mom and Ben but nobody was sitting there.

"They went to find another dress." Raiden filled me in. I nodded and he just smirked at me with that stupid smirk. "Need help, fatty?"

I sucked his comment down even though it hurt. "No." I lied.

"Turn around, October."

I shook my head and he laughed. "Seriously. I'm trying to be nice and help."

Nice? Is that word in his vocabulary. "No, Radiation. I don't want any help you have to offer, thank you very much."

"The faster that dress gets up, the faster we're done."

He was sadly right, and he new it. His white teeth shined brightly at me and hesitantly I turned around. He put his below the zipper and pull on it. Without much luck, I felt his hands brush against my back. I shivered, I hoped he didn't notice. He grabbed the dress and pulled it close together and tried to zip it up like that. I sucked in and with much fight he finally go the zipper. At the top his fingers lingered longer than they should.

I quickly turned around and was face to face with him. I moved away from him just in time for Ben and my mom to re appear with another dress. It was the same length as the blue dress but it was white with a thick black belt thing under the breast and the breast part was decorated with different diamonds and jewels. At the bottom of the dress there was yellow and black floral decorations. It didn't look so bad.

Raiden was still staring at me when my eyes moved back to him and I shuddered. He was looking me up and down. "Now, I like that dress." He whispered and pointed to what I was wearing. It was tight and made me look skinnier and my boobs look huge.

My mom walked over to me with the dress. "Since none of the dresses have worked so far, including that one, Ben and I went to go find another dress. This one is my favorite I have found. I hope it looks good.

It looked more than good when I had put it on. It looked amazing and I felt great in it. When I walked out, my mom started to cry and Ben comfortingly patted her shoulder.

"That's it. That's the dress!"

~~~

I lied on my bed and read a book. With my ear phones in my ear I flipped quickly through the pages, reading more quickly since I had music pumping through my veins.

Since I was so distracted I didn't even hear my door creak open. My head stayed buried into my book until my ear phones were yanked from my ears. I threw my book on the ground and stood up on my bed.

Raiden, wearing a big smirk on his face, was standing in front of me and I was towering over him. But not by much since he was so tall.

"Nobody EVER touches my ear phones!" I screamed at him and started pelting him with pillows.

He touched my ear phones and laughed. "Chill out, Toby."

I was taken aback by that. Only my friends call me Toby. "Why did you call me that?" I said while still standing on my bed that was now bare of pillows. All the pillows were in various places around the room since I missed him so many times.

"Because. It's cute and October is too long."

Finally I sat down in the center of my bed and Raiden sat in a chair near my bed. "Really? Because I'm pretty sure your name is the same amount of letters as mine is. You know you never make any since? And why are you in my room? It's been a month and you still haven't gotten that through your damn thick skull. What do you want dude? Wait and why did you yank my head phones out?"

He clutched his head. "Slow the hell down. How can I answer fifty questions at once, huh?"

"You know, I was trying to read." I hissed at him. "And you're ruining my peaceful time. I was just imagining the gorgeous hero in the story and you just ruined that. Your ugly face is now stuck in my mind. Now, I can't read for weeks. Bastard." I lied. Truth was, he was gorgeous and when I imagined that hero in the book I was reading, I thought of Raiden. Maybe not his personality, because that sucks and I hate his personality but I imagined his face.

It's sad that no matter how gorgeous you are on the outside that if you have a terrible ugly inside it doesn't make it up for that. Poor Raiden.

He raised an eyebrow at me. "Oh really? You think I'm ugly?"

I nodded. He rolled his eyes.

"We both know that that is so not true." I shook my head and he laughed. "It's okay, you find me attractive, I find you attractive. Don't be afraid to admit it. You shouldn't say what's not true."

I smirked. "It's too bad your personality blows."

"Same to you. Just because someones attractive to you in no way means you like them or means that they have an attractive personality. Anyone can be attractive. It's difficult to find good personalities."

"Ooo, deep. Want a cookie now?"

"See, case and point."

I leaned in his direction. "I have a reason to act this way. Honestly, if you would have met me four years ago, you would have met a different girl." I didn't understand why I had said that. I normally don't tell outsiders that I was ever a different way. Well, I never really had to. I grew up in this town and used to be friends with everyone. When I lost my baby sister that was when I started to retract from everyone. When my dad and boyfriend died that was the last straw, I pulled away from everyone. Except my friends Katie and Keith who happened to be very persistent.

"You were twelve!"

I rolled my eyes. "Good math. But yes, I was and even though I was young then there is too much of a big difference between me then and now. A distance that isn't normal." I said to much and I sighed.

Raiden glared at me. "Well you aren't the only one who has a reason to be an ass. You know, I don't ever remember a time when I wasn't this way. I've been like this since I was like seven. We all have our reasons."

"Exactly, maybe there is no reason you're an ass. You were born this way. I at least used to be nice. And don't even start about how I quoted Lady Gaga." I stated.

He snorted. "What does that have to do anything?"

I shrugged. "I'm just saying that I have had a series of unfortunate events," I saw him smile at another reference but this time to a book and I scowled at him. "that made me this way. If you were just born an as you have no reason."

"You don't know what I've been through do you? And I don't know what you've been through. We're both assholes, so why are we fighting about who has more of the right to be an asshole?"

Feeling annoyed I pointed to the door. "I dunno, Raiden. I just want to read."

He got up slowly. "I thought you couldn't read because of my 'ugly' face."

"Raiden, out."

He smiled at me. "I think we should end this with a hug."

I glared at him as he moved towards me. I jumped off the bed and over to the wall. "Get the fuck away from me Knight."

"I'm sorry, I only heard the words 'Fuck me, Knight'." He strode over to me. "If that's really what you want.." he said looking sideways.

He started to take off his shirt and I pushed him away. "Really, get out. I'm not in the mood right now."

He laughed. "Girls lie when they say that."

"As much as this has been a blast, I need you to leave now, I'm sorry, I really am not in the mood to catch your case of warts." I sneered

Raiden smiled. "Nice one. Okay, okay I'll leave now but only because I want to."

As he left my room I shouted at him. "You are only saying that because you have no comebacks!"

"That's only half true." I heard him reply.

I felt myself laugh and then I collapsed onto my bed. With a sad sigh I pushed Raiden from my mind only to have Preston surface.

The love of my life, never to say he loved me again.

No matter how much I fought with Raiden.. No matter how cute he was.. I still couldn't get Preston from my mind. And I didn't understand why I couldn't let go. After two years, most people do.

I guess me not being most people explains that.