Take This To Heart

Jack.

I knew she would go right back to him.

It was this constant cycle of me vs. Alex, and which ever one of us had fucked her over the most that day got the cold shoulder while the other got the girl. But we were both dicks to her. We both didn't deserve her. And I wasn't going to let her fall into the blackhole that was me.

I watched from the side of the stage as Juliet laughed with Vinny, Alex's eyes not leaving her. But he was still with Colleen, and I knew he wasn't going to leave her. If Juliet wasn't going to move on by herself, I needed to push her. I couldn't be in her life as much as I was anymore. I just made her sad, anyway. We shouldn't have fucked. It was my fault.

"So."

I turned to see Matt slumping down next to me on my amp. He patted my back, like I was supposed to know what he meant by that.

"So?" I laughed nervously.

"Why do you look like someone just ran over your mom with a truck?"

I laughed again lightly, looking down at my hands and shrugging.

"Want to tell me what happened with Jules?" Matt said, desperate to get my attention. "And don't tell me nothing because we both know that's bullshit, Jack."

I shrugged again. "I don't know, um, we may have hooked up last night-"

"What does hooking up mean?"

"Fuck you Flyzik you know exactly what I mean." I said, trying to keep a bit of a smile on my face. "And then Annie called this morning and I realized I needed to let Jules, ya know, go. Cause it's not fair to her."

Matt nodded. "If you're so sure that this is right, why are you so sulky?"

"I'm not sure Dr. Phil."

"Look," He laughed. "I'm just making sure you're alright for the show tonight. And a good start to letting Jules move on might be to stop staring at her. It's creepy bro."

I flicked him off and got off my amp. I walked over to get some water from the backroom, trying to take a minute to myself.

But of course, that couldn't happen.

Alex walked in, lifting his eyebrows and smirking at the sight of me.

"So-"

"You know about me and Jules? Please, please, please don't lecture me right now Alex."

Alex nodded and sat down next to me. "I wasn't going to. I just um, I wanted to fly something by you."

I perked an eyebrow at him and turned to face him. The feeling in my stomach said I already knew what he was about to say. I knew. I just wasn't happy about it.

"Alright?"

"Well um," He paused, running his hands through his hair, "You know I'm uh, you know I like Jules. A lot. Like a lot. And I think you and her were right. I don't like Colleen as much as I should anymore. And I think it's been over for us for a long time. So, I'm breaking up with her."

"Where does Jules come in that?" I asked as if I even needed to know.

Alex coughed. "I'm going to go for her."

"You're going to ask her out?"

He nodded. "Well, yeah. I think we might be good together. And she seemed upset this morning and it got me thinking-"

"Alex, I want her to move on don't get me wrong," I laughed. "but I want her to get away from her. All we ever do is make her feel like shit."

"If I was with her, that wouldn't have to happen anymore. It'd be over."

I shrugged, shaking my head. "You don't get it. You're just going to hurt her."

"How do you know?" Alex said, standing up, anger in his eyes. "You sure as hell know how to hurt her. And then she runs to me, expecting me to make her feel better until she goes back to you and you do the next pain in the ass thing. That wouldn't happen if I just had her. You have Annie. Why is this such an issue for you?"

"Alex, you don't get it."

Alex laughed, leaning against the wall, and gripping the handle of the door. The smirk on his face was pissing me off.

"Oh, I do get it." The smirk stayed. "You love her and you're still too much of an asshole to admit or do anything. Now I'm doing something, I'm manning up, and you can't fucking stand it."

The words stung. They planted themselves in my brain and made me want to hit Alex. But he was my best friend. My best fucking friend getting with my ex, my other best friend. The girl I had always wanted but could never have. And he could have her. That killed me.

But maybe this was for the best.

The pain in my chest felt as if I had been stabbed. It kept throbbing as I looked up at him, meeting his eyes. I hated myself for doing this.

"Go for it."

Alex looked down at me. "You sure?"

I nodded again. "Yeah."

With that he left, and I was alone. My heart ached and my head was spinning with visions of me stopping him, with what could have been. But it was all over.

Juliet wasn't mine anymore and I was going to have to get used to that, even if I didn't want to. Even if that killed me.