Take This To Heart

I brought my hand to my temple and rubbed, letting out a long sigh and shaking my head. If there was anything I hated in the world, it was when someone didn’t answer their phone.

“Hey, this is Annie. I’m busy right now, leave a message and I’ll get back to you. Kisses!”

“Hey,” I said to the empty silence following the beat, “It’s Jack. I just wanted to talk to you, sorry I missed your texts. Things have been kinda crazy,” I laughed nervously. “But I miss you. I love you. Call me soon. Bye.”

With that I shut my phone and threw it on my bed, closing my eyes and trying to settle down. All I needed was to hear her voice, to tell her how hard it was touring alone. To let her know how sex deprived I was. Ugh. I had forgotten how hard it was to have a girlfriend and tour. Fucking sucked.

Just as my phone buzzed with a call, Alex slid into my bunk. Quickly I grabbed it and shushed him.

“Is it Annie?” Alex cooed. “Fuck yes it is!”

“Shut the fuck up dickhead.”

“Answer the phone!”

I slapped him and laughed. “Not until you shut up.”

Alex put his knees to his chest and closed his mouth, putting his head on his legs and looking over at me with an adorable look on his face. I rolled my eyes and opened my phone, trying to ignore his eyes.

“Hello?”

“Hey baby!”

I smiled, still trying not to look at Alex. “I miss you.”

“I miss you too! How’s tour?”

“Busy,” I picked at the hem of my shirt. “I don’t have any fucking time anymore. It’s crazy. I still want you to come for a few days.”

“Maybe I will! I’ll have to see the show schedule.”

I nodded. “Yeah that would be fun.”

“Have you been good?”

I laughed. “I’ve been a good boy.”

“That’s what I like to hear.” She paused. “Who is this girl in pictures online? I think her name is Julia?”

“Juliet.” I said quickly, maybe a little too quickly. I coughed. “Um, yeah. She’s been friends with me and the guys since highschool.”

“She’s pretty.”

She’s beautiful.

Alex was practically cracking up next to me and he was becoming hard to ignore. I slapped him on the arm and held the phone closer to my ear so he could hear less.

“She’s just a friend.”

“Just making sure. I love you Jackie.”

I smiled. “I love you too.”

Alex made kissing noises and came close to my face but was slapped away by my hand. There was something odd about telling each other we loved each other. It was different from the way Jules and I had said it. Though I wasn’t sure why.

“I have to go get ready for the show tonight. Call again, Jackie.”

“I miss yo-”

But the buzz of the other line was gone and I knew she was too. I let in some air and closed my phone before jumping on top of Alex and smothering his fat ugly face with my hand.

“JACK IS IN LOVE!”

“SHUT UP!”

Alex laughed and pushed me off of him. “Did you tell Jules yet?”

I shook my head. “I don’t think she even knows Annie exists.”

“You’re an idiot,” Alex shook his head, “she’s gonna find out and kick your ass.” Alex paused and looked at me. “Did you hear about Jules’s date?”

My eyes shot up to meet his. Jules had a date? And she didn’t tell me? It wasn’t like she hadn’t dated guys. But we never both dated people at the same time. I shook my head slowly, trying to hold some composure.

“With who?”

“Some writer.” Alex shrugged. “She likes him a lot. Nice guy.”

I shrugged. “I dunno. She doesn’t have a great taste in guys. I mean she fucked me so.”

Alex paused his motion for a second at the last sentence. Then he nodded and without word slid out of my bunk, a soft smile on his lips. I let my head hit my bunk and sighed, my hand running through my hair to the small of my neck.

There was only one thing left to do.

Get drunk.



She always looked so fucking sexy. Like she was trying to get me hard with every look. The worst part was that she succeeded.

“I want to hate her.” I slurred, slamming down my glass. “I want to hate her so bad.”

Danny let out a laugh and patted my bank. “Alrighty Jack.”

“I fucking mean it! I mean look at her! Prancing around here like she owns the fucking place. Like everybody loves her. Well it’s not true.”

“It’s not?”

I shook my head. “Nope.”

“Whatever you say.”

“And I can’t talk to her cause I’m trying to get her to move on,” I coughed, slurring my words and getting louder with every sentence. “And guess what she did Kuriillllyyy?”

Danny laughed. “I think she moved on bro.”

“She fucking did! In like two fucking seconds.”

“Let’s get you to the bunks, Jackster.”

I hit his arm off of me. “I’m fine asshole.”

Peering back over at Jules, my blood started to boil. I saw the way guys looked at her in general. Like she was a piece of meat or a fucking trophy. It made me want to punch them in their fucking jaw. But that wasn’t the biggest issue. The thing that made me angriest was the way my friends looked at her. Zach. Vinny. Matt. Alex. They tried to grab her attention like she was a queen. And I was burning with jealousy whenever she granted them a lick of her time.

“I’ve gotta get her.” I said, putting down my drink.

“Jack, sit down-”

I hit his arm off again and stumbled over to the other side of the bar, my vision blurry and my head hurting with every step. Jules stopped talking to Matt and turned to me, her eyes going from happiness to a look of disgust. I leaned in between her and Vinny and pointed to her.

“You.”

Jules rolled her eyes. “I’m gonna take him back.”

“Now you just wait-”

She grabbed my wrist and pulled me away from the group of guys, waving to them as we exited the bar. I laughed as I clung to her like she was my mom, like I was in trouble. It was sexy as hell.

“Shut up.”

I laughed as we walked onto the bus. “I’m so wasted.”

“So nothing new tonight?”

“Nope.”

Juliet let out a little laugh as she laid me down in my bunk and sat next to me, my hand inches away from hers and desperate to grab it. I let out a sigh, letting the alcohol make my decisions.

“Juliet,” I sighed, looking up at her, “I want to hate you so bad. Why can’t I just hate you and be fucking done?”

She laughed. “Because we’re friends.”

“Bullshit.” I shook my head. “I mean sometimes maybe. But we’re never just friends.”

“What do you call the past 8 years then, idiot?”

I bit my lip and closed my eyes. “I’d call it me, trying not to love you, but it never worked fooor shit.”

Juliet paused, her hand grasping her leg. “Jack, you need to go to sleep.”

“No, we need to talk-”

“Not when you’re drunk. But you never want to talk to me when you’re fucking sober right? Cause I’m such a waste of your time. Please let me know what’s going on with you because lately I have no fucking clue, Barakat. And it’s not fair cause I tell you fucking everything-”

“You didn’t tell me about that date!”

“Cause you were being a fucking puss that day!”

I shook my head. “You’re such a bitch.”

“Then hate me Barakat. I fucking dare you.” Juliet shook her head. “But you won’t do it. You’re scared.”

“That’s not it.”

Juliet laughed. “Bullshit, Bara-”

“I can’t hate you because I’m in love with you, dammit.”

With that, a dizzy buzz flew to my head as I closed my eyes and laid back, the sound of the bunk curtain opening and closing filling my eardrums.

I had no clue what had just happened.

All I knew was that there was a huge weight lifted off my heart. It was the kind of the feeling you get when you tell the absolute truth.

I knew it was the right words. In my drunken, sleepy state, I found myself unsure if I had chosen the right moment.