Maybe We're Not Meant To Be

“He’s a danger to not only himself, but those around him Rain.” Andy hissed quietly as I stared at the white walls of the hospital. They’d secured my hands to the bed, so that I couldn’t attempt to rip the IV out anymore, but they couldn’t stop me from chewing on my lip, blood washed over my tongue in a metallic tang.

“He’s not that ba-“

“He tried to bleed to death Rain. That’s bad, even for Sixx.” I laughed out loud at that, Andy looked at me shocked.

“If I had truly wanted to kill myself Andy, I would have gotten a little more creative, don’t you think?” I spat out blood and saliva “a suicidal maniac with nothing to lose.” Ryder sighed a little but nodded “he’s coherent and obviously wasn’t trying to kill himself.”

“Just because I want to die, doesn’t mean I’m going to try and kill myself, you’re expecting it. I’m gonna do it when you least expect it.” I smirked “if a homophobic, god fearing man with a steak knife couldn’t kill me then I sure as hell won’t die because I went across the street not up it.”

“He’s fucking lost his mind.” Andy shouted exasperated while Ryder just stared at me. He didn’t look shocked, didn’t look sad just looked…disappointed maybe? Kyrstal walked into the hospital room and took in what was going on.

“He’s insane and won’t listen so don’t bother Krys. It’s like talking to a mouthy brick wall.” Andy sighed, glowering at me briefly. Krys walked over and started to undo the cuffs on my wrists. It was like they were all afraid I’d try to off myself in the hospital. Why would I want to be anywhere where they had the option to save me? If I was going to kill myself it was going to be somewhere where help would not be an option.

“What are you doing?” Ahh stupid doctor, don’t question the angry blonde.

“First off, you shouldn’t even have him in these things, second of all I know him, and third of all if he truly wanted to kill himself you couldn’t stop him.” She snapped, glaring at the doctor making me laugh. I rubbed at my slightly chaffed wrists before getting up and leaning over spitting out more blood and saliva.

“If I’d really wanted to kill myself, doc I would have done it in a much more…creative fashion. As it was I just wanted to bleed.” I smirked before pulling my clothes back on; Rain had brought them with when he’d visited today since they were letting me leave since the whole ‘suicide watch’ was over. Since I hadn’t tried to kill myself in the two nights they’d kept me, and I wasn’t sick they couldn’t detain me any further.

I climbed into the passenger seat of Rain’s car and let him drive back to the apartment. I wasn’t sure what I’d find there, whether or not the blood would still be on the floor of my bedroom. Whether or not he’d removed anything sharp and pointy or anything I could use to cause myself injury with. I guess I wasn’t sure what I’d find, but the silent car ride was almost torture.

Once we arrived at the apartment I wandered in and found that the place was untouched, aside from the blood stains missing, I wondered briefly why he hadn’t removed everything. Though I decided not to question him, it was probably better this way. Rain sat down on the couch and motioned for me to sit next to him.

“All I want to know is why.” I wasn’t expecting that question, I was expecting him to lay down ‘rules’, for him to order I go talk to some quack.

“I wanted to bleed, and I took it too far.” I shrugged, giving him the only answer I had. It was the only one I needed. Rain nodded “please don’t die on me Sixx.” Then he got up and walked into his bedroom, I sat there for a few more minutes, shock coursing through my veins. I’d hazard a guess and say that he didn’t care, but I knew otherwise.

Pushing off the couch I followed him into his room, you’re not doing him any good by staying here stupid fucking voice. I pushed the voice away and wound my arms around Rain. I never did physical contact with people, but Rain was an exception to that rule. His arms wound around my torso, I forced myself to keep from tensing up.

“You care too much for me.” I murmured quietly, Rain’s body shook like he was laughing silently, or maybe he was crying. I wasn’t sure, emotions weren’t my strong suit.

“Someone has to Sixx, you sure as hell don’t.” He made a valid point when he said that. It was true, I didn’t care about myself, but I cared about him, Nyk, Ryder, Andy and Krys. I wouldn’t ever admit that I cared about them because someone could use it against me, but I’m sure they knew. None of them were stupid.

I started to hum Crow & The Butterfly by Shinedown, the song had been stuck in my head for days now. Mostly it haunted me when I was laying in that stupid hospital bed with the monitors and wires hooked up to me.

I couldn’t believe that it’d been a year since Nyk left with Arrow. It had though, and I couldn’t do anything about it anymore. So why bother thinking about it.