Black Sheep

“We haven’t been on a date in a while,” Harry mused on our journey back to Clarence House, as the sun shone lightly thought the car’s windows.
“That’s true,” I replied, my head was resting on his chest and his arm was wrapped around my shoulder. My hand was playing with his tie, tracing the outlines of the little turtle pattern absent mindedly.
“Why don’t we go out tomorrow night?”
“That would be nice.”
“What are you thinking of darling?”
“nothing much.”
“Well it’s obviously something. You seem a million miles away.”
“I’m thinking.” I carried on.
“about..” Harry coaxed.
“About work,”
“You’re always thinking about that bloody place!” he moved his hand from around me and sat up straighter, a little hurt.
“I’m not thinking like that. I’m thinking of maybe quitting at the TV station. But that would be my third job in three years! It’ll look terrible!”
“What do you mean you want to quit?”
“Well I’ve just lost heart. I feel so left out and manipulated and I don’t want to be there anymore. I feel like my time could be spent in a more worthwhile way.”
“You fully understand my point of view regarding you working in the media.”
“I know darling, I know.” I said resting my head back on his chest, playing with his tie again. We whizzed past streets and houses, in our own little bubble.
“You really like this tie, don’t you?” I nodded slightly, enjoying the comfort of his arm wrapped around me, and the heat from the soft rays of sun through the windows.
“It’s my favourite. I like it when you wear blue shirts as well.”
“I’ll bear that in mind.” He chuckled slightly at my sudden outburst.
“When we get home could we sit outside for a while?” I asked, wanting to spend some time in the sun.
“There’s a few things I need to do first, but I’ll join you outside afterwards.” I cuddled further into his chest, nodding my head slightly.
“Camilla commented on how well you did today, she said you were quite nervous.”
“I was, but you were right, I had nothing to worry about.” I felt Harry swallow.
“You know it will get worse.” He said, almost warning me.
“I know.” I smiled, having heard him talk of the same subject before.
“But you don’t!” He moved slightly to look me in the eye. “They’ll hound you! You won’t be able to go anywhere! You won’t be normal anymore. From now on you’re their property!”
“Whose they in this?” I knew exactly what he meant by ‘they’.
“The press. The newspapers. The news channels. Even the fucking blogs on the internet. They will not leave you alone!” His voice rose, as we turned into the gravel driveway. “They’ll take everything you’ve ever done and rip it to shreds!”
“Why are we having this conversation again Harry? I already know all this!”
“See you know, but I don’t think you understand. The press! They’re the bad guys! They’ll rip you to shreds! You won’t get a waking moment alone!” The car pulled to a stop on the gravel driveway. We both sat in silence for a moment.
“Does that mean I’m one of the bad guys?” I said quietly, staring down at my hands in my lap. I opened the car door and let myself out, walking over the gravel and into the house.
“You know I didn’t mean it like that!” He shouted over the driveway. I walked straight into the garden, and sat on an old brown bench infront of a patch of lawn. I sat in silence, weighing up everything he had said. I sat for a while, playing with my fingers, not knowing what to think. I felt a pair of eyes watching me from a few meters away.
“You know I didn’t mean it like that.” He said again, quieter this time. I looked up to see him staring at his feet that were kicking a few stones of light gravel around, like a naughty schoolboy that had been told off by the headteacher.
“What did you mean Harry? We’ve had this conversation so any times so just get to the point! Being in the media is a part of me. It’s what I’ve wanted since I was a young girl.”
“I know darling, but I just hate that you spend your days with these people who hack phones and make up lies about people.”
“Not everyone’s like that. I’ve never hacked anyone’s phone, or lied about anyone, and I don’t know anyone who has.”
“It’s not just about that. These people want to know every little piece of you, and they won’t stop until they get what they want.” I sat quietly thinking.
“What do you want me to do about it? I can’t change any of this.”
“You can.”
“How?” I challenged.
“Quit. Leave your job.” He said as if it were that simple.
“Have you lost your mind? I’ve spent my whole life working to where I am today, I can’t just leave now!”
“I don’t like how you work like this!”
“Well I don’t like it when you’re away firing guns at people and getting shot at but I’ve never asked you to quit!”
“This is different,”
“How? How is any of this different? You do something you love and I do something I love, there’s no difference there at all.”
“You’re being unreasonable.”
“I’m not being unreasonable at all, I just don’t see the point in this argument.”
“The point is,” He came and sat next to me on the bench, “The point is these people are a threat, everything we do wrong is all over the world, every word we say will be all over the world for everyone to see in newspapers and on the TV and on the internet.”
“Am I a threat?” I said quietly.
“No, of course not but-”
“So where do I stand Harry? I’m one of these people you hate so much, but I love you. I’m both these people.”
“If you love me then quit.” He muttered, staring at the leaves of an apple tree that were blowing in the breeze.
“I can’t do that Harry.” I said quietly.
“Then I don’t know what we can do about this.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know if I can be with you any more.”