Somebody Like You

Jimmy pulled me aside. I was still shaking from all of the crying.
"Who the hell is he?" Jimmy demanded with a tight grip on my arm.
"Uh, that's Nick. When my boyfriend Corey moved away, I went to him. He used to be my best friend, and he comforted me like nobody else could. And, when I was the most vulnerable, he-" I stopped and let the tears start falling again. Jimmy pulled me close and let me cry.
"Is he Aiden's dad?"
I nodded wordlessly. Lindy and Brian came over to us then. Jimmy's spot was replaced by my best friend. My breathing quickened and my hands started to shake.
"Lindy," I mumbled," panic attack," I whispered before letting the darkness take over.

"Is she going to be okay?"
"This happens when she doesn't take her meds. I don't know why she refuses to take them."
"I wish she would have told me."
I opened my eyes to see the ceiling of the boys' living room.
"Nice to see you, gorgeous. Have a nice nap?" Zacky's voice got my attention from beside me.
I shook my head. "Where's Aiden?"
Lindy motioned my baby boy over. "Hi, Mommy."
"Hi, baby," I said, pulling him onto the couch with me. Zacky joined us and I leaned my head on his chest.
"What happened to Nick?"
"He's far away, Rachel. He won't hurt us again," Lindy said from the floor, where she had been sitting.
"You're safe now, beautiful," Zacky murmured in my ear.
How did I get so lucky?
"We bring Chinese, muthafuckas!" Jimmy yelled throughout the house.
Brian was the first to enter the room. He kissed Lindy before waving his hand in my face. "Nice of you to join us. That was quite the scene, eh? Care to explain?"
I shot Lindy a look. I had assumed that she had told everybody. She shook her head but pointed at Zacky. So, Zacky and Jimmy were the only two that knew.
I took in a deep breath. "That was Nick. He was my closest guy friend. When we were seventeen, my boyfriend Corey moved away. I went to Nick. He comforted me and I started developing feelings for him. He, uh, one night he came over to check on me, make sure I hadn't done anything stupid, and he, uh, Lindy," I mumbled before breaking into tears.
"He raped her," Lindy stated quietly. I heard Matt growl. I hadn't even seen him and Johnny come in.
I cried into Zacky's chest. My tears were soaking his shirt.
"Sorry," I whispered and looked away, wiping my eyes. He turned me around so he was looking at me.
"You have nothing to be sorry for."
"You don't need me here drenching your shirt with my tears when you don't even care."
"Rachel, what the fuck are you talking about? Of course I fucking care!" Zacky yelled. He pushed me away and left. Lindy came to my side.
"Why do I fuck everything up?"
"He'll come back, hun. He cares too much."
"If he really cared, he wouldn't have left. But I guess he isn't as different as I had thought."
I grabbed a pint of chicken lo mein and headed up to Zacky's room. I collapsed on his bed and inhaled, reveling in his scent. I opened the lo mein and shoved a forkful into my mouth. His TV was on, and the movie playing was The Notebook. I cried even harder, this had been Corey and I's favorite movie.
My wrist tingled with a sensation that I hadn't felt since I was eighteen. I scratched at it, but the feeling wouldn't go away. I wandered into the connected bathroom. I took Zacky's razor off the charger and ripped apart the head, letting the five blades land on the counter. I grabbed some medical tape out of one of the cabinets and wrapped a small piece around one edge of the sharpest blade I could find. My eyes landed on the glint from the razor's edge.
And so it began.
I slid to the floor with the blade in my hand. My body was shaking with anticipation as I ran the blade over my wrist lightly. It didn't do any damage, just left a little pink mark.
I needed more.
Sucking in my breath, I dragged the blade over the flesh again, but with much more force. After a few seconds, blood bubbled to the surface and ran down my arm. I let out my breath and smiled to myself. Three years without this hadn't been worth the wait.
I continued the action until I felt numb and there was little free skin on either of my arms. Zacky's bathroom floor was covered in blood. Why not leave him a nice present?
I dragged myself into his room again. I grabbed my savior - Vicadin - from my bag and popped three dry.
"Rach, you in there?"
I started crying again. If Zacky saw me like this, he'd hate me for sure.
"I'm so, so, so, sorry, hun. Will you let me in?"
I brought my knees to my chest and sobbed out, "Leave me alone."
I heard him sigh. "Rach, I'm sorry. My anger gets the best of me sometimes. I'm not made at you, I just overreacted. Please, let me in."
"No," I choked out.
"Then I'll break the damn door down."
True to his word, the door was broken and laying on the ground within ten seconds. I pulled my knees tighter and hid my head in the space that was made.
"Oh my God, Rach. What happened?"
I shook my head. "I'm such a fuck up, okay? Go away, it's for the best."
He ripped my arms from their position. "What did- you did this to yourself, didn't you."
It wasn't a question, but I nodded.
"Rachel, why? I was going to come back after I cooled down. I care too much about you."
"No, you don't. If you cared, you wouldn't have left. If you cared, you wouldn't fucking exist. People don't care about me. Why the hell do you think I'm here and not in Pennsylvania? Why do you think I was so vulnerable when Corey left? Fuck off, Zack."
"How many times?"
I held out my arms. I could tell that there were tears in his eyes. He pulled me into his arms. "Don't ever do this again. If I lost you, I don't know what I'd do."
"You'd be fine. You were before I came along."
"No, I wouldn't be. You obviously don't know how much I care about you already."
I pulled away from him violently. "Just leave, Zack. I'll just go back to the shitty fucking motel in Vegas and work at the Hard Rock again. If if supported three, then Aiden and I will do just fine." I turned and didn't look back at the man I'd just left weeping on his bedroom floor.