Polaroid Cancer

“Casey, stop chewin’ on that damn straw an’ go see him,” Matt sighs, giving her a stern look, “I didn’t bring yeh all the way out ‘ere for yeh t’sit an’ chew on straws.”

Pursing her lips, she retorts bitterly, “well, you walk in there almost eight months pregnant and your fiancée not have a clue that you are.”

Matt sighed, “Seriously though, they’re giving yeh a chance t’see ‘im, do it. He misses yeh, I know ‘e does.”

Tears burn Casey’s eyes, “yeah… okay.”

Hobbling to her feet with Matt’s help, she slowly makes her way into the rehabilitation center. From her toes up, a severe warmth has succumb her body, legs like jell-o as she walks up to the front desk. The woman sitting behind it looks up and smiles almost as soon as she sees her. Resting her hand on her swollen belly in reassurance, Casey clears her throat, “I’m- I’m here to see Oliver Scott Sykes.”

“Oh! Yeh must be Casey! ‘E speaks so much about yeh,” the receptionist grins, “anyway, Terrie…” a small, mousey-looking woman appears beside Casey and waves at her, “will bring yeh to ‘im.”

There’s a lump in her throat that Casey can’t quite swallow back. Her breathing becoming steadily, but quietly, more rapid as Terrie attempts to make small talk. She forces a smile when Terrie turns to face her once they’ve stopped in front of a solid oak door. Terrie shoots a beaming grin, “yeh want me t’open the door for yeh, or let yeh on yehr own?”

“Um… on my own, please,” Casey says, glancing away from Terrie’s unrelenting gaze.
“May I ask… ‘ow far along?”

“Seven months and a little over two weeks,” Casey replies, rubbing her stomach, tears edging in again, “he… doesn’t know yet.”

“Oh…” a frown catches Terrie’s lips briefly before ricocheting back into a smaller, less bright smile, “I will let yeh be. Everything will be fine, dear. Oliver’s been looking forward t’this for some time. He hasn’t stopped talking about it since ‘e learned he was allowed t’see yeh,” Casey forces another smile, “guess, I’ll let yeh be, now. I already unlocked the door.” And Terrie left with a final wave.

Casey takes a deep breath as her left-hand hovers over the handle, finally she turns it and peers inside.

He’s sitting on the edge of his bed, staring out the open window, smoking a cigarette. The smoke billows up shortly before being swept away by the breeze. Casey is so overwhelmed from seeing him that she takes in a sharp breath. Her vision trembles, her other hand catches the side of the doorframe, steadying herself.

Oliver snaps his head over at the sound and quickly jumps up after stamping out his cig.

“Ca-,” he stops speaking when he sees her massively swollen belly. His eyes trail up to meet her gaze and she looks away in shame and fear.

Oliver doesn’t pull back though, instead he helps her over to his bed so she can sit down. Casey is grateful for this partly because her feet felt like murder, and mostly that he didn’t snap. Yet, who’s to say this isn’t the calm before the storm, she’s too terrified to think about it any further. So, Casey sits there in painful silence, her arms pressed to her sides and her eyes staring down at her stomach.

“I love yeh.”

A nest of honey bees have poured into her brain and sweltered there; she can hardly believe what she is hearing.

“Casey, I really do. I want t’get married to yeh as soon as m’out of this place. I won’t leave yeh again, I promise.” She flashes him a reproachful glare, tears running down her cheeks, a wash of guilt slides over Oliver. “I swear it. I really do. Somehow I’ll make it up to yeh completely, an’ the first step will be helping yeh bring our child into this world.”

Swallowing a wad of saliva, Casey says in a raspy whisper, “I’m still angry with you, Oli. It’s going to be awhile for me to forgive you.” Oliver frowns, anticipating on her to tell him this, “but I still love you. I do want to get married.” She grabs his hand and presses it to her belly, “I only want to get married, though, if you’re truly ready to take care of her. She needs a dad, not just a father.”

When Casey stops speaking, the baby stops moving shortly after. Goose-pimples run up and down Oliver’s arms, and he wishes he could feel their baby move again.

“I will be th’ best dad a child could ever ask for,” Oliver breathes as he crouches down to press his face up against her warm stomach. Casey’s vanilla scent catches in his nostrils, comforting him and he starts softly singing, “so throw your diamonds in the sky… we’ll stay gold forever.”

A bubble of laughter erupts from Casey’s throat, “I’ve missed you so much. You have no idea. Everyday I thought about you,” her chuckling softens as she gazes down at Oliver, who peers back up, “I even slept with an article of your clothing when I went to bed.”

Oliver smiles, though it does not quite reach his eyes. An icicle has lodged itself in his chest, a despair filled chunk of ice that is sliding around and freezing his insides. He lets out a puff of air and presses his lips to Casey’s soft ones; she returns it but not as eagerly as he had hoped. Casey had thrown up a barrier. A barrier that told Oliver that she could live without him if need be. He also knew in that moment that she had steeled herself from him.

“Casey, I’ve missed yeh, too. I realize that I fucked up-”

“No. I screwed up, too,” she sighs despondently, her eyes like water when she looks into Oliver’s, “I should have realized that you weren’t home yet. I should have been more alert and not taken what Tom had given me. Especially when I was so depressed. No, it wasn’t right what Tom did, but it was still partly my fault on what happened that… on that night. I-”

“No! Wait. Tom… what ‘e did was completely wrong. He took advantage of yeh at a time when yeh were at yehr weakest. It still makes me ill that Tom would do something like that… I never imagined he would, or even could.

“Being in this place has really opened me eyes t’ some stuff… and I ‘ave something I need t’tell yeh, Casey. I’ve been ‘olding it in for over two years,” Casey couldn’t rip her eyes away, “I- well, I was part of th’ reason Joey died.”

She stared at him for a curiously long time, trying to figure out if he was fibbing or not. Casey almost wanted to grab Oliver’s face and shake it, just to make sure she was in reality, “a-are you sure?”

“Positive.” Oliver says quietly, “but I’ll ‘ave to explain later… when we’re not under surveillance.” He gives her a stunning smile, “I‘m so glad t‘see yeh, Casey.”